Chronic Pain Support Group
Physicians and professionalsdefine pain as chronic if it lasts longer than three to six months and is persistent. It's distinct from acute pain that is a direct result of injury or trauma. This support group is dedicated to those suffering from chronic pain. Discuss treatments that have worked for you, find advice for your specific experience, and find support. You're not...
Have you ever wondered what your "purpose" is in life? I honestly don't think I ever really thought about it until I was forced to live with chronic pain. All of the things that we naturally take for granted became so much harder to do. Just getting up and walking to the bathroom is a real task for me. Through the years, as I have struggled with intense pain 24/7, I have often wondered what my "purpose" is in life. Why was I suffering so much? The big "why me?" would always creep in there. I responded yesterday to a post that ddscarb initiated about parenting and it reminded me about my "purpose" in life, or least what I THINK it is and why I am living with all of this pain. At least, this is the best I can come up with. Only God knows what our true purpose is, but somehow, I find my own theory rather comforting. Others may still be wondering and have yet to figure it out, however, I would like to share the following. Please bear with me as I know this is rather long.
After I had my 1st back surgery, the recovery was really, really bad. I was in soooo much pain that I contemplated committing suicide. We had no kids yet and had only been married for 1 yr. All I knew at the time is that I DID NOT want to live with the intense pain I felt. I eventually dug myself out of that dark place and began appreciating life a little more. Just hearing the birds chirp, and seeing the flowers bloom made me have a much greater appreciation for life. Perhaps that is because I came close to ending it all. After a full year off of work, I finally returned, and even though I had to take a huge cut in pay and job grade, I worked hard to gain it all back. We quickly had Brandon & Brittany and my career was in full swing again. I still had to take it easy and definitely had limitations, but it felt good to support my family while my husband stayed home full time with the kids. The hours I worked were terrible though. I was in managment and worked 2nd shift and lived 1 full hour away from home, which meant a 2 hour commute, round trip. I had a little bit of time in the morning with my kids, then I would have to get ready for work and by the time I would get home (around 11:00pm-12:00am) at nite, the kids were obviously in bed, which really only gave me the weekends to really spend time with them. I missed out on so much when they were really little, so my husband would videotape almost every day and I would watch the "days events" when I got home at night. Thank God for camcorders! lol
Fast forward 5 yrs of working when I began to get worsening pain in my back. At first, I thought I had just overdone it, however, when 1, 2,3, 4 days went by and it wasn't any better, I KNEW something was terribly wrong. A visit to my neurosurgeon and another MRI and spinal tap later, and a diagnosis of Spinal Stenosis was determined. My body went limp when I found out that I would have to have another surgery. I did not want to go back to that "dark place" I was in before, and I had kids now to think about, so everything was really scaring me. I tried to look at the positive side and had alot of hope that it would help me in the wrong run, but it wasn't meant to be. The surgery took place and while I felt better initially, 8 weeks post-op, everything came crashing down. Things took a huge turn for the worst, and I ended up permanently disabled as a result. It was extremely hard to accept at first. I really went through a very rough period and felt like I had let down my family. I felt like a failure, because they had depended on me. I was responsible for our only source of income and working 2nd shift gave us another 10% shift differential which we could not give up, which is the reason I could never go to 1st shift to have more time with my babies.
I think you may already know where I am going with all of this. Brandon & Brittany were 4 & 5 yrs old when I was forced to quit work, however, it was such a blessing to be home full time with my kids. I felt so blessed when I was able to see Brandon off for his first day of school and while he was away all day, I would help Brittany to read as she would come walking in with a huge mountain of books, eager to learn. lol By the time Brittany started kindergarten, her reading ability was tested and she was already reading at a 3rd grade level! I felt so proud and knew that alot of that was due to the time I was able to spend with her. Yes, I was in excrutiating pain, but took the opportunity I was blessed with to do the best job I could at being a Mother because this opportunity would not have have been available had I still been working. I am proud to say that my kids, who are 11 & 13 yrs old right now, are both in advanced classes and both play in the band. This past school season, Brandon was the ONLY 7th grader at his school to make "Honors Band" and 1 yr ago was nominated to participate in a "Student Ambassador" program. We couldn't afford the trip to Europe, however, the nomination meant alot to us as well as Brandon.
So, we come back to the original question of "what is my purpose in life"? I think that for me, it was to be home with my kids full time so that I could make the biggest impact on their lives. I was so busy before with my job and the hours I worked, that I would not have had that time with them. Sure, I would have done the best I could with the circumstances, however, I can truly say that I am the Mother I was INTENDED to be and I count my blessings every day.
What about you? Have you found your "purpose" in life? If so, I would love to hear about it if you are willing to share.
Thanks you & God Bless!
Carrie
After I had my 1st back surgery, the recovery was really, really bad. I was in soooo much pain that I contemplated committing suicide. We had no kids yet and had only been married for 1 yr. All I knew at the time is that I DID NOT want to live with the intense pain I felt. I eventually dug myself out of that dark place and began appreciating life a little more. Just hearing the birds chirp, and seeing the flowers bloom made me have a much greater appreciation for life. Perhaps that is because I came close to ending it all. After a full year off of work, I finally returned, and even though I had to take a huge cut in pay and job grade, I worked hard to gain it all back. We quickly had Brandon & Brittany and my career was in full swing again. I still had to take it easy and definitely had limitations, but it felt good to support my family while my husband stayed home full time with the kids. The hours I worked were terrible though. I was in managment and worked 2nd shift and lived 1 full hour away from home, which meant a 2 hour commute, round trip. I had a little bit of time in the morning with my kids, then I would have to get ready for work and by the time I would get home (around 11:00pm-12:00am) at nite, the kids were obviously in bed, which really only gave me the weekends to really spend time with them. I missed out on so much when they were really little, so my husband would videotape almost every day and I would watch the "days events" when I got home at night. Thank God for camcorders! lol
Fast forward 5 yrs of working when I began to get worsening pain in my back. At first, I thought I had just overdone it, however, when 1, 2,3, 4 days went by and it wasn't any better, I KNEW something was terribly wrong. A visit to my neurosurgeon and another MRI and spinal tap later, and a diagnosis of Spinal Stenosis was determined. My body went limp when I found out that I would have to have another surgery. I did not want to go back to that "dark place" I was in before, and I had kids now to think about, so everything was really scaring me. I tried to look at the positive side and had alot of hope that it would help me in the wrong run, but it wasn't meant to be. The surgery took place and while I felt better initially, 8 weeks post-op, everything came crashing down. Things took a huge turn for the worst, and I ended up permanently disabled as a result. It was extremely hard to accept at first. I really went through a very rough period and felt like I had let down my family. I felt like a failure, because they had depended on me. I was responsible for our only source of income and working 2nd shift gave us another 10% shift differential which we could not give up, which is the reason I could never go to 1st shift to have more time with my babies.
I think you may already know where I am going with all of this. Brandon & Brittany were 4 & 5 yrs old when I was forced to quit work, however, it was such a blessing to be home full time with my kids. I felt so blessed when I was able to see Brandon off for his first day of school and while he was away all day, I would help Brittany to read as she would come walking in with a huge mountain of books, eager to learn. lol By the time Brittany started kindergarten, her reading ability was tested and she was already reading at a 3rd grade level! I felt so proud and knew that alot of that was due to the time I was able to spend with her. Yes, I was in excrutiating pain, but took the opportunity I was blessed with to do the best job I could at being a Mother because this opportunity would not have have been available had I still been working. I am proud to say that my kids, who are 11 & 13 yrs old right now, are both in advanced classes and both play in the band. This past school season, Brandon was the ONLY 7th grader at his school to make "Honors Band" and 1 yr ago was nominated to participate in a "Student Ambassador" program. We couldn't afford the trip to Europe, however, the nomination meant alot to us as well as Brandon.
So, we come back to the original question of "what is my purpose in life"? I think that for me, it was to be home with my kids full time so that I could make the biggest impact on their lives. I was so busy before with my job and the hours I worked, that I would not have had that time with them. Sure, I would have done the best I could with the circumstances, however, I can truly say that I am the Mother I was INTENDED to be and I count my blessings every day.
What about you? Have you found your "purpose" in life? If so, I would love to hear about it if you are willing to share.
Thanks you & God Bless!
Carrie
If driving wasn't such an issue I'd take care of both my grandaughters. My daughter just moved further away making it difficult to spend as much time with them as I'd like to do. On the other hand, I've got to be here for my dad. If I could still work I would have to hire someone to take care of dad. And I'd miss out on the special times I've had with my angel Aly (5). I look forward to spending time with Laney (5 weeks).
I hate being in pain but I enjoy family time.
Your story is so similar to mine. I became disabled because of lupus orignially, about a year after my son was born. I too, have realized that being disabled afforded me so many opportunities with my son. I saw his first steps, his first day of school and so many other "firsts". I wouldn't have been so involved if I was still working.
My son is also 13 and is a kind and compassionate kid. I think seeing my struggle has made him so much more understanding of people.
He's only known me as disabled but he loves me just the same. I think we're closer because I'm always home to get him off to school in the morning and chat with him about his day after he gets home.
Being disabled is awful. I'd love to be able to work, but I realize that God gave me this opportunity to shape my son and I'm so grateful for that.
There is always a negative and positve side of every situation. It's good that you and I have realized the positvies and not dwelled on the negatives. This gets us through the pain!
Good post!
Sandy
I get sad and, I think I will always mourn what I have lost. However, I can say that I truly have found acceptance and joy in what I have now.
I have always had back issues, the first time I was "struck" with crippling spasms, I was in high school. No one could believe that someone my age was experiencing what I was. Those flares happened many times over the next twenty years.
In 2009, I had a horrible flare. The worst one ever. It was over a month for me to recover and I was weak for several months. My daily pain, change of life started at this time.
In March of 2010, my daughter started experiencing severe mental health issues. She already was struggling due to some emotional and cognitive delays.
In May of 2010, she was hospitalized for her mental health. Here she was, the sweetest thing on the planet...away from me for the first time in a adolescent psychiatric unit. It was horrible. The other children were so extreme--sex, drugs, defiance, truancy etc. My baby was and still is so incredibly naieve and kind, she loves school, she has no behavior issues at all.
While she was in the hospital, her brother and I went to visit her. My back went out during a visit out of nowhere. It was instantaneous and it was bad. I knew, like you, that this time was different.
For the next year, I struggled... going to work after no sleep and all night at the ER with my daughter. Trying to get to all her appointments and treatments, maintain my job in management, care for her brother and our home....all the while, struggling with my new pain and issues.
Emotionally, I was getting to be a wreck. The constant struggle between wanting to be a good parent, having no other income and needing to be at work. Physically, I was dying from stress, pain, tiredness and inability to work my whole body.
I have had several MRI's; Neurosurgen appts; Dr. appts and so on. I have severe spinal stenosis on multiple levels; severely dessicated discs; foraminal stenosis etc.
In June of 2011, after much discussion with my family and my children basically ordering me, I left my job and applied for SSD.
I am 38, disabled, on SSD with limited income. We share a home with my mom. I am scheduled by medications; walkers, scooters and a bath chair. My social life consists of my computer and phone.
A lot of this sucks but, in all the darkness I have found a lot of joy and happiness. I no longer have the struggle between my duties as an employee and my duties as a mother. My children always have someone home and available to go to games, drive them places.
Now, I no lnger struggle so much with hiding my own pain to take care of things...I get to rest as I need to. My pain and issues are attended to and my daughter is as well. My son gets the best quality time too...it no longer feels like I have to "fit him in".
I spend a lt of time with my animals and enjoying the garden, the birds and some of the weather. I have a scooter and I get out for "stroller rides" with my dogs.
As hard as it is...I have found that much more joy in my life. My emotinal pain is not near as high.
My purpose in life is to take all that I have learned and share it, to be what my children and my daughter need me to be. I take care of my mom and spend more time caring for my friends. My theory is this: God gets me up everyday, the rest is up to me.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and for coming through the darkness. I know how dark things can get, how bad pain can make life. The tremendous courage and strength you have shared and learned is a lesson to all. Your children and husband are as much a blessing to you as you have been a blessing to them.
HUGS !
example...my kids were promised pan cakes this morning,well not till the pain eases up enough to get up and make them...ughhhh....
i pray everyone has a purpose in life that brings you joy
amy
Hugs to all.
A smile at the cashier,
letting another lost driver butt into the left turn lane instead of having to wait thru another protected left intereseciton 3 minute wait
saving $5 to drop in the trumpet case of the guy who plays on the street when we go to plays
praying for others who help the lost and lonely
- humans
- pets
- wildlife
Getting otta bed each morning and getting a shower so I don't stink and cause others to pass out.
Even MOther Teresa did not change the world in ONE DAY or with one act. She just got up each morning and did what she could do that day for just that day.
"A person should consider us in this way: as servants of Christ and managers of God's mysteries. In this regard, it is expected of managers that each on of them be found faithful"
This simply means that as a believer and Christ fallower my purpose is to be faithful to what God intrusts me with. It's a huge simplification of my life but everything boils down to being faithful in fallowing God's will in my life. That's my purpose.
patrick,
It sounds like you were doing something that you really loved. I am so sorry that you had to give it up. I hope you have found some pleasure in life despite the pain.
tendonshurt,
You do so much for others despite your pain. I know it is difficult to get through each day, yet you see the positive in the midst of all this madness. I think family is so important and it is obvious that you think so as well.
Sandy,
The fact that your son is kind & compassionate is a testament to how well you have raised him. Like your son, my kids are also kind & compassionate. I think that they will be even more so because of the challenges they see me deal with day in and day out.
maddie,
My heart goes out to you for all you have been through. It is so sweet that you give your husband alot of credit. He sounds like a very loving & devoted father (like my own DH). It is clear that you have alot of passion for life & I admire your strong faith in God. I am still working on mine, but I plan on getting there!
Susie, my dear friend,
It sounds like we have both been to that "dark" place, however, here we are, fighting to live through the pain one day at a time. Caring for your niece & nephew at a time when they needed you the most is a testament to what a loving & caring person you are. They say that "the eyes are the window to the soul" (or something like that). You have the most loving eyes I've seen in a very long time. P.S. Thank you for the lovely compliment!
Superduck,
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's health issues as well as your own. You have been through alot yet have such an appreciation for life. Like you, my social life consists of the computer (not so much the phone...lol). You will see me say many times that "my computer is my "LIFELINE" to the outside world". I'm glad that you have found many things to enjoy despite the pain & it is good to hear that your "emotional" pain has been reduced.
amerika,
I can relate to how difficult it is to raise kids when faced with pain every single day. Just remember that your kids love you unconditionally & know that you will fix them pancakes as soon as you are able. I go through the same thing here at home, except my kids seem to want scrambled eggs all the time! lol
stranded,
Loving yourself is a good first step to living your life, regardless of your age & it sounds like you have some great goals to strive for. With a little determination, I have no doubt you will achieve every single one of them.
keeska,
Learning from each experience is how we continue to grow as individuals. Having a desire to help & care for others is indeed rewarding. It sounds like you have a positive outlook on life.
SunnyBunn,
Sometimes it's the "little" things in life, or as you said the "tiny" things in life that make you appreciate it so much more. I know for me, the little things mean alot, whether my kids give me a spontaneous hug, or my husband surprises me with my favorite ice cream, I appreciate every little gesture. It sounds like you like to be the one "doing" the gesturing which tells me you are a very caring person.
ddscarb,
I love what you have shared here. You have an enormous faith in God & I admire that you put all of your trust in Him. I hope I get there one day.
RJ,
Being a caregiver is a huge responsibility & the fact that your kids show compassion towards their friends, as well as strangers, is a testament to how well you raised them. You should be very proud.
Hugs & Blessings, :
Carrie
I open with that because sobering up in 1987 helped realize i only have one purpose in life and that is to serve those around me, my wife, my kids, my coworkers, you all here, my mom, anyone God pits in my path. I work at overcoming pain daily only to give others hope, i can deal with the pain and get thru it if i know it will benefit others. I'm no saint, don't want to be, i'm a recovering rascal, hellraiser who jsut happens to love God and others and love helping others feel good and making their day better. Before i sobered up all i cared about was me amd making me feel better with booze, sex, drugs, since i sobered up i learned a man with no purpose other than himself is like a ship without a rudder and compass foundering in a sea of selfdestruction hurting everyone around him. Caring about others is infinitely more satisfying then living to get high. Living for myself was as empty a room with no furniture, it lead me to attempt suicide 3x before i sobered up. Life without caring for others is like trying to live without oxygen, for me it can't be done. Life for me is about making others lives better, not my own in whatever way possible.
Mikey