jp,

My wife and I have said "I don't know" uncountable times. I understand what you mean, on the broken record and too tired to fight. I no longer fight for me because it is not worth it, but for my family, even though I feel like a weight to them.

My wife knows this and told me she would rather have me like this than not have me here. Fight for our families,

Clancy

jpf, when they ask how you are and you feel like crap, ask them if they can withdraw that question and ask it another day.

Works for me.

Gentle hugs.

Well you don't have to answer it the way they want it. I here it all the time. I varies ways to answer it. If I am not ok. I shurg my shoulers and say Hmm. our say it the usual. Sometimes when I am really in pain. I say "Do you really want to know, because your not like what you hear!"
I never hear real great thing about the VA, but there not the only places that no nothing about pain control. Think of the thing you have in your life that you would miss, be thankful for the things you do have. I not saying that we all don't get tierd but committing suicide is selfish. You may feel that people around will be better off but that not true. If you suceed it will cause a mailstreem of terrible. What about the little one you are holding, do you have children, grandchildren. Who will find you if you do this. How will that affect them for the rest of there life. the guilt that the lose that other will never remember you or get to know you. It take more strength to fight for life, then to give up. I understand you have pain. I don't know what is from. I have it too. I not saying mine is worse than you's I have no idea. There has to something else that can help you with your psychological issues of pain. i have a therapist, and I take meds for anxiety and depression. If you do feel you won't make it keep on asking for help when you are week. I wish I knew more about you. I don't remember meeting you, I glad I had time this thanksgiving. I feel sad, a bit depressed, but I need to not forget that I am thankful for the things I do have. Please let us know more your pain. What you are diagnosised with and if you are feeling bad then It remember there is always DS. I have been the R wing a lot when I was younger. Sometimes it simply made me feel safer. I used to feel ashamed of it,, but I am not because God provided for me. God bless you. I will be praying for you. I do understand how you feel.

A bit about my injuries leading up to my pain. In 1983 I was a welder in a shipyard and fell down an unsecured manhole. This resulted in 2 ruptured disc's (L4/L5 - L5/S1). While working in the shipyard I wore down my right shoulder which is constantly in pain. In 2005 I was up on our roof after hurricane Katrina and fell off onto a cement driveway. This resulted in 5 ruptured discs (C1/C2-C2/C3-C3/C4-C4/C5-C5/C6). I had surgery on my neck which proved to be a failed surgery a year after. I am an insulin type 2 diabetic and and tend to have low blood sugar from time to time. On time I passed out and injured my right knee. Again it hurts all of the time. I suffer from sever depression, go figure, and have been committed 4 times. The only thing I found to get rid of the pain was alcohol which I quit 35 weeks ago since my liver was getting bad.

That being said it could be worse lol!

It will be ok.

jp,

So sorry for all the pain, but knowing you have made it through this far helps me have hope.

Clancy

jp,
First may I say how grateful I am for your service to our country. I know that Vietnam vets were treated horribly and I hope that it's better this time around......

Second, you have an adorable daughter/granddaughter there on your lap. If you feel suicidal, look at that picture for a very long time. She'd never understand why Daddy/Grandpa would go away and leave her. Kids think like that- they don't understand why we reach that point. I was suicidal in the summer of 2011 and I do understand how you were feeling.

Is there any way you can find a new pm doc? I'm not sure how VA's work. I've seen the horrible way you guys can be treated- my dad was a disabled vet from WWII era.

I think you need to get back that warrior spirit and fight back to the VA. I knolw, I know, easier said than done. But if enough people protest the treatment you all get, maybe things might change for the better.

That's all I've got- wish I had more and really wish I had a magic wand to make it all disappear for you.

God bless you and your family!
Sandy