So maybe you read a recent post where I, a patient of RSD for 16 years, was diagnosed with ongoing bursitis and a pinched nerve. My back is a MESS. My doc said Phys Therapy and a breast reduction would help a lot. Problem is, I had one back when I was 19/20 years old and looked like Dolly Parton. I had a tiny waist, tiny little butt, and a big...bust. Ah, the days when I was young, cute and thin!

Basically I looked like I'd topple over! So back then when the insurance company docs convened and saw my "pictures" they agreed unanimously that I should have the procedure. The surgeon was shocked as they rarely if ever agreed unanimously. This was pre-RSD so I thought all my troubles were over. Then the doctor (who thought he was an artist) decided that HE would choose my breast size. I wanted a B. I came out a high C. WAY too high. I never DID get to wear cute shirts.

Flash forward to 2012. I've had a few pregnancies, one birth, and my chest has tripled in size. My shoulders and back are giving up. My body is practically attacking itself. And when I considered this a few years ago, I went to a surgeon who looked at me, looked at my RSD status, and suddenly said, "I can't get this past insurance. I'm not even going to try. Because the last time I did a 2nd reduction on a woman, we lost a nipple."

WTH? So what he meant was that a nipple died. 5 years later I'm pondering this, and KNOW I can't find money for cosmetic surgery, I give up. But NOW my doc thinks it is important. We can control and strengthen some muscles with PT but basically, I'm a mess & need the surgery.

So, I'm going to start PT next week (even though I think a massage would be better!) and see how it goes. Meanwhile, the DH has been out of town and I've been alone all week with my 3 year old son. I'm SO ready to sleep!

For some odd reason, my son likes to fall asleep while being hugged or holding hands. Last night I was SO exhausted, I fell asleep in the worst position possible for my bursitis. And not until 5 am! Tonight I told him he had to hug his lion. I felt awful, but I'm hurting!

DH comes home today and I told him he is to come straight home. (He normally bowls on Fridays but I'm at my wits' end. My son will be up in about 8 hours IF he sleeps in. He was a bear to put to sleep tonight. So it is 2am and I WANT to sleep. I WANT to just sleep! But with a 3 year old a few feet away moving around, I'm terrified my bad foot will get kicked or knocked- I don't usually share a bed b/c of this. I even put pillows down the middle but they're messing with the blankets.

And oddly, all I can think is, it's the longest I can remember going w/o sleep! I had 3 hours this morning but not in a row. And the last full night's sleep I had was Sunday night. My eyes are red, my muscles are sore, and I'm beyond tired. I SO want to take an ambien, but then it's just harder to get up.

So, that's what's going on with me! RSD pain under control but shoulders and back killing me. I had some fun with my son and some great times. I just think 3 nights, 4 days is too much for my DH to expect now. As my symptoms worsen, I'm not as quick or as able. Next year, we're going with him or he's NOT going. Unless maybe I get that surgery, but with my needle phobia and the surgeons scared to do a 2nd one, it's not likely!

Pain level tonight is a 6- highest in months. Can't WAIT for the triumphant return. That of me to my bed, of course! ;)

Thanks friends, for letting me vent. I felt like I was gonna blow up, but I don't have the strength for that. So the writer decided to write. ;) Again, thanks. I needed to let it out!!!