tabby, there are crisis hotlines at the bottom of the page. i've called them. please do...it's horrible to be at the end of your rope, but there are always people here to help lend a hand.
PM if you need to chat even though we don't know each other very well, i can listen.

So Sorry your hurting so much Tabby...
Wrapping you with love n hope...

Tabby, call the crisis line, have a chat with someone, that's there to listen, not judge and help....

Keep reaching out and keep Hope..... It will get better....

Huge Hugs n with You......

Thanks I just want to cry I have no friends And The one friend that I had Left me I made her mad last Thursday and since then We have not spoken I just am worried sick about her. and I am afraid that this time I may have lost her for good. Her name is Angel Shes on this site.

I have cried and cried my stomach has been hurting ever since. I can't eat or sleep. I just feel so alone nobody understands me or my issues.

Tabby, I understand! You are defiantly not alone....I don't have any friends either.....but you know, the best part of having no friends?,,,,,no resposabilty, no guilt, no them not understanding, no canceling of plans and then beating yourself up for it....see, having no friends can be a good thing....I say that all the time. But you do have us. And I'm sure a lot of us don't have friends either. That's why most of us come here, to have friends that truly understand how you feel.
I want to give up everyday that my eyeballs open, but I come here instead.
Hangs in there and keep posting
Hugs!

Thanks I am just Under a lot of stress I am in a lot of pain and my doctors just don't seem to understand how bad I am feeling. I have told them and told them that can't take the pain much longer. and all They say is deal with it. I don't know what else to do. I am so lonely and sad and scared I just wish they would help me. I just want to be pain free. I cry myself to sleep every night because of the pain and not being able to talk to my friend Is making me feel even worse. I feel like she does not care about me anymore. She never answers my text or calls. I just miss her so much. I just wish I had not made her mad All I did was tell her the truth about my anger outburst that I had that day and how I hit my mom and she got mad. Instead of trying to help me. I just don't understand.

Tabby,

Your young, you've got your whole life in front of you. You have a lot to fight for. If your Dr.'s aren't helping you, then it's time to get new Dr.'s. Now, if its a point of they've done what they can, at this point....sometimes Dr.'s don't have all the answers, sometimes they do what they can and then we have to figure out ways to live with our disabilities.

If your "friend" got angry with you for being honest, then she wasn't much of a friend was she? Or she may not have been able to deal with your issues, some people don't deal well with anger/violence, and hitting your mom, definitely falls in that group. There are plenty of folks on this site that know exactly what your going through and are willing to help you and support you. Giving up is not the answer.

Do you have family to support you? Doesn't sound like you and your mom get along that well, anyone else? Right now you need to not spend so much energy worrying about your friend and use your energy to take care of you and your problems. You have to be willing to take care of yourself, others can't do that for you....

Hang in there, and consider checking into a new Dr. if your not getting the help you feel you need.

Thanks Your right I need to focus on getting better instead of on my friend She May have decided that she could not handle my issues I am very lonely without her we used to text everyday Now I don't hardly text at all I am so depressed I have attachment disorder and I am very attached to her I just want to cry because I feel like she gave up on me. and that she does not love me. My parents I don't get along with my mom Its hard for me when I get mad I take my anger out and I start hitting and being mean to her. Thats what my friend got mad about.. I am just going to have to make new friends Maybe Shes trying to help me by dumping me.

I doubt she's trying to help you by dumping you, but she's probably didn't mean to intentionally cause you this much pain. Getting angry and hitting your mom...that's big stuff...it would be hard for some people to handle. Sometimes it's better not to share everything...you kind of have to gauge what people can handle. And since you have attachment disorder, you feel things related to the "friendship relationship" 20 times more than the other person. Friendships that jump from a support site/chatroom to the realworld via texting/phone can be harder to maintain...you don't have that physical connection.

Your friend may just need some time to think, you never know. For now, why don't you focus on you and getting you to a place you need to be.

Kat

Thanks Your right I need to just give her space and time And just focus on me and my issues. and getting better. Cause the more I stress its just going to make my pain and issues worse I will Be okay I just have to accept that Our friendship is over. and that she tried to help me

from personal life..

the violence is something you don't need. if you are currently getting away with swatting yer mamma on occasion, don't get real used to that. she will get fed up with it and you may end up on the bad side (wait, both are bad) of a family violence charge.

you need to cut that crap out right now and behave like a civilized person. you are not entitled to physically abuse people for ANY reason and most sane folks call the cops even in KY.

treating people that way stems from entitlement an a poor set of choices about what YOU think other people deserve and you won't get along with such a moronic point of view without meeting someone that's happy to hit you back or put you in the cube... which might be a good wake-up call for you.


you have a typical teenage hangover. you may FEEL gripped by inertia while you hide behind the fantasy of being invincible to the crimes you are committing against yourself but, i promise you... this will go on your permanent record. it will become harder and harder to make anything of yourself and you will lose these young years. at a later date you will be kicking your ass and it won't be anything like the self abuse you are wallowing in now.

besides, if you feel bad now... the best you can do is accomplish the very most that you can because age isn't going to reduce any type of pain you might have. when you're my age and beyond, don't get confused ... the only person who will have really robbed you is going to be yourself, tabby.

i'd jump in line telling you to call the support hotlines, but i've talked to you before and i know that you have too much misplaced pride and too many control issues to call and honestly relate your story to facilitate the proper help AND that you don't really want that kind of help in the first place... you know, real help? you want to be able to be a perpetual victim because it confuses people who you abuse or will soon come to abuse. if you got help, how would you frame yourself well enough to take advantage of, manipulate or abuse anyone? you gotta hang tight to the victim role because you know people will find out how self serving your motives are without that killer smoke screen.

there isn't a support line in the world that can make you grow up and face the music, so i can't recommend any.

the unfortunate thing here is that you're going to be sorry, not all the other people you wish felt sorry for you right now. you.

it will at some point come down in the right place and you're going to be totally stunted, unable to hold a job or car note much less even fake any personal or emotional independence by then. you may have staked all of your dependency on someone else and while you sit there wondering why they just don't care about you a bit or won't even try to love you, i can only remind you to look in the mirror.

if you can't depend on yourself and you can't love yourself... why on earth would anyone else???

i don't mean this in a taunting or mean tone but, you've got to grow up. that's the missing part in your life... taking responsibility for yourself and finding pride and hopefully work in some other area beyond codependency, depression and manipulation.

if you think it's a long haul now... just wait. without your own dedicated work on the project, your life is going to be just as bad and worse than it is now and upon reflection you'll look at the beginning of the pattern here and wonder why you couldn't think your way outta this paper bag.

so what do you really want?

please don't tell me you'd rather die than grow up.

with care,
jen

Tabby ... you need to stop abusing her... why are you are expecting love, kindness and understanding, when you are not displaying those characteristics yourself?

Since you were honest with your friend... it sounds like you know the value of being truthful. We learn ( all of us) by hearing the truth. That way we know what to work on. If you are honestly asking for help from the board... be open to advice w/o getting defensive. There is a good chance that your life can get a lot better.

I remember a few of your posts (both awhile ago) in which you were basically in the same situation but you were more verbal towards your mother rather than physical. Its sad to see that it has escalated to this point....

Tabby, you said you have an attachment disorder....are you being treated for that?
I don't see that disorder as a reason to assume anything about your
friend, let alone justify the violent anger you laid on your mom.
You're not 2 yrs old anymore but the way you described what you did to her, sounds very much like a "temper tantrum".....that's just how I perceive what you said, not a judgement call.

It really sounds like you need to do some hard work on that disorder as well as get some kind of anger management therapy.
That kind of violence can easily get you locked up, yes, here in
Ky. I've seen it happen more than once in similar circumstances.

Life, and life with chronic pain, is hard enough without making the rest of your life miserable.
You have the power to work on your other issues which in turn will
help you with the pain and friends.
I'm not sure I'd be comfortable having someone tell me they'd hit their mother, I'm a mother myself and I know what my reaction would be, I darn sure would never tolerate it....one time would be one time too many had one of mine done that.
Your mom must really love you if she didn't boot you out or call the police over that incident.

I hope you are not displaying this angry attitude at your drs. They'll be hard pressed to take what you say seriously if you present
with a lot of anger.

If you're not in treatment for the attachment disorder, please get into that now... You can learn positive ways to relate to others as well as learn better ways to handle that anger.

Only you can do the work to make things better, no one else can do that for you.
Please start working on getting yourself in better "space", the sooner you do that, the sooner your life will get better.
You're not better off dead....you will be better once you get treatment for your emotional issues.

You've been given a lot of sound advice from others here, I hope
you will heed at least some of it....

Peace be with you.....

Thanks Everyone I Just want to give up The Doctors just say to deal with it. That there is nothing they can do. I just am fed up with my doctor they won't help me I just feel so bad when I get angry or I am in pain I take it out on my mom I have been to hospitals and They don't help They only make me worse. And when I am in pain Thats when I am the most violent I suffer from depression and anger issues as well as chronic pain I have told my mom how I am feeling and she does want to help me but I won't let her. I am always pushing her away I never want my mom to help me. I am always wanting the person that I am attached to to help me. Angel told me she would always be there for me and when I need her shes not there I just don't understand why people come into my life then they leave me when I need them the most. and the pain in my stomach is not going to get any better I just wish it would just go away. It feels like something is stabbing me.

tabby.... my mom passed away 12 years ago from breast cancer and when i think about her all i want to do is hug her tightly...
please be careful what you do to your mom because it will only come back to haunt you once she's gone.. i have never been abusive to my mom, and i have guilt from not hugging her more, and telling her more how much i loved her..
please think about how you would feel if she passed away today... your going to be the one that has to live with it, and if you wait too long, youll be the one to suffer her loss....she her all the love she deserves NOW!!! before its too late...
my prayers go out to you for your situation...
~stinke~