I totally understand. The waiting is the absolute worst part. I was diagnosed almost a year ago @ age 55. I am in watch and wait mode. My WBC was about 26,000 a week ago, so thankfully, still no treatment. As time passes it does get easier and it helped me alot when I found this this group and know that other out there are going through the same thing. Take care and the worrying will get less with time. Hugs to you.

CLL was confirmed this past Monday. At first I felt relieved to finally know, know feeling VERY depressed. I feel like a dementor from a Harry Potter movie sucked all the happiness out of me. Only way I know to describe how I feel. Go on Tues. (Aug 21) to have a CT scan, have to drink a 1,000cc of Barium, am SO NOT looking forward to that one. Have yet to actually talk with oncologist since getting test results..............

catlady72-
Just wanted to say that I loved your reference to the dementors from the Harry Potter movies...well put!

As LoriLeeMarie55 said, the worrying will get less with time. Some days will be harder than others. My post from the other day was how I was feeling on that day. Today, my mood and feelings are different.

I was diagnosed at 49 and I never expected it either. But, it did and I have to deal with it the best way I can. It's only natural that there will be some days that are better and some days that are not.

LTBD7
I love the Harry Potter movies! :)

I loved the dementor comment too. It describes the feeling perfectly!

Yes, the dementor reference is exactly right. Like the others said, it does get better with time, won't be on your mind so much. In most cases, you just go on with your life. It's been over four years for me since they found it by accident and now I don't feel haunted by it except those times when i have to go for a check. I suppose everyone feels the same, you worry about what they will find THIS time. But so far it's a slow mover and we come out and dance in the parking lot discreetly. I say discreetly, because the clinic is full of people struggling with other forms of cancer and they have it much rougher. I almost feel guilty for being so relatively well.

CT scan was not good....Enlarged spleen, Hypodense mass in posterior aspect of right lobe of liver, Enlarged retroperitioneal and pelvic lymph nodes, Enlarged lobulated uterus,and enlargement of left thyroid lobe.
See the oncologist on Monday to see what all this means, but it cannot be good.........feel as if I was punched in the gut......so depressed.

I'm so sorry. I will say a prayer for you and be thinking about you. It's probably not as bad as it sounds.

catlady72-
I am so sorry to hear your news. Your description of "punched in the gut" and "so depressed" are probably words that only just begin to describe what you are feeling.
I wish I had some "magic" words to help alleviate your depression, worry, and most likely, fear. Sadly, I don't. All I can say is that I am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. I'm sure more people have read your post than have replied and I am sure their thoughts are with you as well.
I hope you have someone who will go with you on Monday to your appointment. You are going to be worried enough and having another person there will help you ask questions, get answers, and perhaps just be a comfort to you.

LTBD7

Keep us posted. As Lori says, it may not be as bad as you fear. Sending good chi your way.

Godspeed ......My prayers are with you as well. Many HUGS.

Thanks everyone for the hugs and support! Met with oncologist today, ordered an MRI of Liver and Uterus next week and more blood work at the end of Sept. FISH, Zap70, and ICLL. So more test, more waiting. His thoughts for right now unless something shows up in the liver is "wait and see" which did make me feel a LOT better!
Trying to take one day at a time...........thanks everyone for the support!!

I'm so happy to hear that!!

Happy to know things are better for you. You sound relieved which is wonderful. I know it's hard to remain positive at times, and the "wait and see" game still keeps us wondering .Try to stay positive, although it's hard at times. My WBC is @28,000 too.. Best of luck to you Linda and God bless. Lily

Thanks Lily! New twist it the numerous nodules on my thyroid. Oncologist on vacation this week, waiting to find out if they have to remove thyroid-UGH! Radiologist thinks the nodules are large enough they will cause breathing issues on wind pipe in time.........if it is not swollen lymph nodes in the neck, it is now thyroid nodules! Feeling discouraged about how they keep finding more problems!

Sorry to hear about your thyroid; but if they can get rid of it maybe you'll' start feeling better. I have a friend who takes thyroid meds because of the removal and she is doing fine. I know it's hard on you finding one thing after another. Please continue to keep me informed- You're in my prayers daily. You sound strong though! Just "keep on keepin' on". Best of luck and God bless. Lily