Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Support Group
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS) describes a sense of exhaustion and post-exertion malaise, even when you have gotten enough rest and sleep. The disease is characterized by six months of incapacitating fatigue experienced as profound exhaustion and extremely poor stamina, and problems with concentration and short-term memory. The cause is unknown, but it is a...
I am so utterly stressed. My husband's family is coming over and the house is a total mess. I was given no warning yesterday and I have no idea what time. The dishes have overflowed the sink, the chinchilla cages need cleaned because the dryer broke, which is why they are coming over, and the basement requires trudging through some bags of laundry, laundry baskets, and spilled clothes with some mostly dried disgusting water from a clogged pipe not yet mopped off the concrete. No one understands how stressful that is. Partially probably because I don't want to admit just how much of a mess it is and partially because they don't realize how little people around me understand my difficulties. Seriously no one. I tried the entirety of the anxiety and depression groups online and got more derogatory comments than anything. Family just tells me to give up my hobbies and do more housework. That's a recipe for depression.
My husband would die in trash before he noticed it was bad. His mom and grandma used to clean his condo and then when we married they stopped. Apparently they expected me to take over but I can't clean up after both of us and pursue any hobbies. My hobbies (much of which include live animals) are clean, fed, watered, and non-animal stuff is organized. It's the parts of the house my husband also uses that are a mess. I left the chinchillas mostly in my husband's care for the past 6months and I regret it. I've tried to find better methods to keep them clean than using a layer of fleece in their cage like many do but it hasn't worked and I have been so tired I thought he could take care of them. I would rehome most to reduce work if it weren't for him.
Now I'm rambling and this is pointless. I just needed to spit it out somewhere because I am too stressed to concentrate on anything and the world on and off the internet does not care.
My husband would die in trash before he noticed it was bad. His mom and grandma used to clean his condo and then when we married they stopped. Apparently they expected me to take over but I can't clean up after both of us and pursue any hobbies. My hobbies (much of which include live animals) are clean, fed, watered, and non-animal stuff is organized. It's the parts of the house my husband also uses that are a mess. I left the chinchillas mostly in my husband's care for the past 6months and I regret it. I've tried to find better methods to keep them clean than using a layer of fleece in their cage like many do but it hasn't worked and I have been so tired I thought he could take care of them. I would rehome most to reduce work if it weren't for him.
Now I'm rambling and this is pointless. I just needed to spit it out somewhere because I am too stressed to concentrate on anything and the world on and off the internet does not care.
But just the other day, my dad and I were talking about why some people can be comfortable in a cluttered, messy house and some can't. And I said I think different personalities play a part, and also upbringing (my husband and dad both were brought up in messy homes). I've also seen that on days when I feel better, my energy is better, etc. I'm not quite as stressed over the mess, but that's just because on those days I have hope that I could eventually get things better. But on days I can't hardly move, which is so often, I feel like I will be engulfed by the mess!
I agree with the others though, if your husband's family, or anyone else, is being critical of you over this when it's him, that's just crazy. We can't be cleaning slaves with CFS. Believe me, I tried that for so long and ended up worse. Now I just do what I can do and that's all you can do. So just ignore them as much as possible!
Glad you seem to be working this out and hoping next time they show up you can be more comfortable with it.
My husbands sisters house is a disaster and she refused to have late Christmas in January at her house for ourselves, and his daughter, her husband and 2 yr. old grandson. I kicked myself for not standing up for myself and say I couldn't do it. His daughter lives 4 hours away and I can't handle the trip. We didn't have the money to go out to eat so we had to have it here because I hadn't heard about my SSD hearing, and had no money and there was no way his daughter or husband would pay even though the have high paying jobs. They know how sick I am.
I fumed for weeks before because I felt his sister (who lives alone) could get off her ass and clean her damn house.
We planned it for Sunday January 8 His daughter, son in law and 2 yr old child showed up Saturday at 2 pm and stayed 6 hours. luckily I had showered for once. Our grandson did nothing but whine, scream and cry all afternoon. My husband agreed that he's a whiny little brat. By the time they left I had a migraine from stress from the unruly grandson.
When I had talked to his sister about where we'd have Christmas and was basically told it'd have to be at our house, I said well, I guess if I am sick, I'll have to hide in the basement hoping she'd get the hint and feel bad and finally say she'd have it at her house. Nope, noone gave a damn.
After listening to the grandson scream all Saturday afternoon and having a migraine, they were back at our house at 2 pm the next day. The grandson screamed, cried all day and he ran around the house and it sounded like elephants in the house as I was hiding out in the basement. I figured since they knew I was in the basement that I was sick and would cut their visit short after supper, around 5 or 6 pm, well that was wishful thinking! They played games, laughed and had a grand ole time. I was fumimg. I couldn't even leave the basement to go outside for a smoke.
By 8 pm, the migraine, noise and them not leaving, I was ready to start breaking things. I threw on a winter coat, went up the basement steps with my hood pulled over my head (because I couldn't even shower that am) went through the kitchen out to the garage and to our screened in patio and sat there 15 minues in 1 degree weather and smoked 2 cigarettes in a row freezing to death. I hadn't eaten all day, because I didn't come up to eat. I was hoping to have my husband come out so I could tell him they need to go, but nope.
FINALLY right after that, they left. I was beyond pissed. I told my husband NEVER again. I had the migraine for 4 days after that from the stress and noise. His sister's house is too dirty, but they expect me to clean when she is healthy and capable??
2 full days of screaming, whiny child and company wrecked me. I was so incensed and mad that they didn't care one bit, even laughing and playing games.
I know exactly how you feel and I'm sorry you also have to go through this. I wouldn't let their comments bother you, just tell them you've had the flu or are still getting over it and are still too weak. They'll either stay away or at least understand having "the flu". If I had to go through it again, I would've made up flu, strep throat or anything contagious to keep them away lol. Or, do what I did, hide in your bedroom, etc., and then you don't have to hear their snarky comments and your husband will have to deal with it. I guarantee that if any of my husbands family had been ill, it would have been canceled, but I felt like I didn't matter.
It's good if you can get a good diagnosis as others have said, but pain and weaknesses doesn't care about an actual label. I just want to show you support and let you know I had to go through it, and maybe add a suggestion.
Good luck to you and take care of yourself first!!