Oh dear I wrote a long supporting blog and it didn't post! Grrrrr
I can feel your frustration and suggest you stop everything and just breathe for a minute or so. Breathe in soothing calm and breathe out all worries and stress ....
I stopped worrying about what family and others think and it truly has calmed my chatterbox mind and body.
I pray you can give yourself the TLC you deserve. We here at DC understand and care so much more than others not dealing with this devastating invisible chronic disease CFS...
I do hope your husband will help you more.
Know you are a child of God and you deserve to be cared for and breathing mindfully will deplete some stress.

It's so difficult to do life without CFS and we all are brave to face it with CFS. I honor your caring but hope you start to care more about yourself ...
God bless you with tender loving care
PEACE & LOVE

Since they used to clean up after him they'll be used to the mess...
Is there someone you talk to, as in a therapist? You might need to get some therapy with hubby to work out the responsibilities in the household.... hope it goes well for you

Oh, I hear you!! We do our best, but some things have to slide at times, due to our physical condition. My hubby helps a lot, but, even still, it is not presentable for company on any given day with no warning. We all do our best, but it's really hard to keep up. I really get what you mean about no one understanding your limitations. People tend to blame it all on things they can understand, like depression. I have no cleaning tips, only support for what you are feeling right now. Many blessings.

Your laundry area sounds like mine with the icky water because our washer leaks and we put a plastic tub under it.

Nina makes a good point, although I understand your distress.

Less time for hobbies? What an awful attitude. Don't buy in. Wish there was more understanding and support coming your way. If you can afford any, tell them you need some outside help (like a cleaning woman, even once a month).

I hope your rambling let off some steam and stress. We understand you here. Good luck today.

We are trying to find the money to hire someone to clean the kitchen and bathroom at least. Maybe if they'd also help sort the recycling. We end up having garbage and recycling pile up until we load down my truck and drive it all to the landfill where we sort the months of recycling out of several trashcans and a big, 4' tall box. So there might be a stack of 10 bags of trash somewhere if the timing is wrong.

You also have to understand my entire past is being criticised over everything someone thought I should have gotten done or gotten done a different way. I was afraid to do anything because I might get yelled at for not doing it right but I was also getting yelled at just for not doing it. The whole time I was dealing with insomnia that no one cared about so I extra bad had no energy to do work as a teenager to early 20s. I just wanted a break. All I wanted was for it to stop. When I moved from home I took hell from my landlord for anything and everything including conversations that never really happened. I was told she understood my love of animals and that I would keep many but then she evicted us over some budgies( common parakeets). Then in my husband's condo the neighbors would complain if we just made a hot dog late at night or a rabbit drinking out of a water bottle. Door banging, yelling , accusations of lying, complaining to the condo association, complaining to the police, even complaining to the city over these tiny things... So still I was not safe. This house is the first place I have been safe. It took a year just for my mind to understand this concept. I keep waiting for someone to show up and ruin it all. Then I spent a good 6 months doing mostly nothing while I explored the idea that I can take a break whenever I want and no one is there to yell. After all that imagine the impact of some people entering my space with little warning who do not understand my problems and will not agree with the state of things. I still can't answer the door when alone....

At least the people doing maintenance or delivering appliances to our new house don't have opinions that matter because they probably won't be back, they aren't going to complain about anything, they have probably seen it all, and I can hide in the bedroom while my husband deals with that.

Hi Kaliska!

I read on your profile page that you have not been diagnosed with CFS/ME as of yet!! This is critically important.....I mean getting a diagnosis. Maybe it would help your family understand you better if you had more medical backing as to WHY you cannot do some of the things that need doing around the home.

If you do have CFS there is SO much information available for you to present to your friends and family as to the exhaustion part of your illness. They have you on antidepressants so someone is understanding that your environment is stressful and no one is really caring properly about you.

As far as the fatigue and stress, if you do have CFS these two things are oil and water. Things need to calm down for you and you need to be understood. I would hope that very soon you would find a doctor that can give you a firm diagnosis and possibly treatment to help you work your life around your illness.

It's overwhelming, isn't it? We're sick and so very often misunderstood by those we love. It's very distressing and just adds to how badly we feel already. As I said, I would seek out a doctor who will test you for a firm diagnosis. I hope you do not have CFS. If you do, or even if you don't, we understand what lack of support can do to a soul. No one here wants to see you go through that. Please feel welcome to post here, and let us back you up!

In the meantime, get people to help you. There's nothing wrong with saying that you are just too sick and weak to wait on other people. It's time to speak up!!

We're here for you, Kaliska! xo

I am seeing a psychiatrist because all the doctors do is say depression or blame each others' prescribed medication for the symptoms. The first time I went to the psychiatrist they did testing but came up with no conclusive psychiatric diagnosis. Their computer program could not apply a profile to me and apparently that never happens. The person doing the testing said in her class they all tried to make it do that and couldn't. So she outright called me naive and implied I was a liar. My psychiatrist really has no answers except to treat the insomnia with a variety of psychiatric drugs. The fact I have insomnia makes it hard to diagnose chronic fatigue syndrome since who knows if it's from the insomnia, the meds for the insomnia, or something on it's own. I don't really have the energy to fight with doctors until they actually do doctor work. I've been there 3 or 4 times before arguing and seeing specialists for a year or 2 only to find nothing shows up on tests.

As frustrating as it is, nothing showing up on the tests is actually progress. Diagnosing CFS is basically done by eliminating all the other possible causes of the symptoms you are suffering. I had to go through being labelled depressed and hypochondriac and being sent to mental health professionals. The fact that they cannot diagnose a specific illness either is another step towards a possible CFS diagnosis. Hang in there.

Kaliska, I could have written your initial post, except substitute rabbits in place of chinchillas that I have left in my husband's and daughter's care for the past six months with regret. :) And instead of my husband's mom and grandma cleaning his place before we got married, it was me (I would go over and clean his apartment when it got so bad, he had two jobs, so I just thought he needed help). But just like your husband, I think my husband would die in trash before he noticed it was bad.

I'm sorry you are going through this, and I know first hand how stressful it is. I feel so much shame when people come over, especially when it comes to the garage which I have no control over, but I'm working on trying not to care at all anymore. They don't understand my situation and how much I would love to change it if I could. I am a neat freak at heart.

Just know you are not alone!

A thought! Since most of us have gone this route you are going....meaning ending up in a psychiatrist's office and them telling you tests are negative and this is mostly depression, and "get over it"...take these pills....it sounds like you need to present yourself to a good PCP and tell him that your testing for physical ailments is not producing any aid in diagnosis and your psychiatrist is calling it depression, but you think YOU MIGHT HAVE CFS, that might be the thing that puts the flame under a doctor who has heard of the illness.

Often a Rheumatologist is a good start in looking for a doctor who is familiar with the illness. They know about fibro now. Very often, if a doctor has fibro patients, he/she has heard of CFS! That might be a good place to start! We usually know more than our doctors when it comes to CFS.. They aren't trained in it and don't recognize it, so they label us as depressed and shoo us out of the office.

I'm encouraging you to find a Rheumy as a start. You have to be your own advocate with this illness and I really want your condition to not be put off as some psychological problem. If you have CFS, you are very sick and need help!!

What LaneZ said! You do your best and at some point you just need to let it go.
We have had the same issue here, hubby is a self professed "pig pen", things seemingly drop behind him as he walks, it almost ended our marriage. Now he has his own office on the main floor that I do not enter but once a month to check for growing food (he's done well) and he has the entire basement and garage to keep as he chooses. I do not go there. I don't even consider the house to have a basement and garage... just the main floor minus his office exist in my mind. It works, and the bonus is when I stopped picking up in his area he actually noticed it got really bad and started picking up himself.

I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. My daughter & I try to keep the housework done but neither of us feels good enough to keep up with it. There is always something undone & in dire need of attention. If someone calls to say they would like to come over, I try to put them off for a few days, up to a week if possible. Everyday cleaning is not feasible & with my two grandkids here also making messes, well even a week is not long enough. Try to realize that you are ill, I understand that you know you are but you don't truly believe it. You give that power to others but not to yourself. You are very ill, my dear, & if your house is a mess so what? Of course, it is! We don't have the energy to keep up, please give yourself a break. I hope all went well with your dryer & it is fixed & the stress is over.

I agree with everyone else, you need a diagnosis. I was dx'd by a rheumatologist, she was the first Dr. I came in contact with that knew about CFS/ME. Keep at it, I had almost given up when I found her. Many month & years of tests that showed nothing wrong.

Many gentle hugs, Denise

Nina, your situation with this sounds so like mine. I do not go in the garage, ever! Our marriage almost ended over this issue too. So I learned that the whole (out of sight-out of mind) principle works much better for me and so a couple of years ago I completely stopped going in the garage and this helps me keep my sanity. It's still a major battle keeping the upstairs better since my husband loves to cook up a storm everyday and just like your husband, stuff just drops behind him everywhere he goes. My daughter is the same. But all day long I will send them both downstairs to the garage to get things I need, like toilet paper, extra food items stored down there, etc. They get tired of that, but that's what they get. If it wasn't a disaster down there, I would go myself. :)

I totally get it and you aren't alone with this! I find it ironic that your hubby is a big part of the problem, yet it is his family is the ones that criticize YOU. smh! I find very few family members that accept my dxs and after many years, I have given up caring what they think (for the most part). I had guinea pigs for a while and WOW what a huge amount of work/cleaning they require. It was very expensive and we ended up giving them up b/c of the cost mostly. Hope it wasn't too bad when they came and hope things get better for you.

I seem to have a dryer now but I haven't felt like dealing with the backup of laundry instead of playing computer games for a few days. My husband tested it with his work clothes. His mom waited in the car the entire time. It makes me feel both better and worse. She didn't see the state of the house but she didn't come in probably because she doesn't want to see the state of the house. My husband doesn't even realize there is a mess. He will walk over things for a month and then ask where one of those items is. There is no single room he deals with. I've basically designated a cut off area that is his side of the bed, his desk area in the livingroom, and the kitchen as biohazard zones. He does all the cooking but he just leaves a horrendous mess behind when he does. First every dish is dirty so he throws what's on the stove into the sink and washes only the exact dishes he needs to use which are then the ones left on the stove after this time of cooking. He throws away nothing. Every last item he uses to cook, down to the butter wrapper. is still there. The spices never become organized again. Meat wrappers sit there, sometimes still with meat in them, which the cats now solve that problem. When I was cooking my own meals (which tasted like crap but I didn't care) whenever I was waiting for something to get done I'd at least pickup the trash and put the dirty dishes in the sink. I'd wash them if I could or I'd do the dishes the next day when I was less busy. I rarely had more than 2 days old dishes. Instead he watches netflix on his phone and leaves it all behind for weeks at a time. Eventually everything in the sink combines to be covered in this greasy white stuff that attracts flies and gives off smell. I dump things that are full, squirt dawn dish soap everywhere and in everything and then fill it back up with water to eliminate the smell and reduce the gunk but it is only a delaying tactic until I find more energy.