I have had CFS since I was 16, after a bout with mono. So, obviously, my choices have been affected by my health. There have been lots of things I have not been able to do or that I've had to stop doing. I did graduate from college and have worked periodically as a substitute teacher and as a spiritual counselor. I am coming to the conclusion that God knows the value of a life. I may not be well-known or rich, but I have given my all to those around me. Every day I get up and I choose life. I choose MY life. I choose to be present in my life and to be grateful for the slow pace and the gifts that God has given to me.

Mine began in my early 20s. I thought I had found peace with it and lived that way for many years. A recent severe deterioration has left me struggling again.

I was dx with CFS at age 33, when my kids were in their teens. I was working for less than $8 an hour in a wire coating factory and it was all I had until I got a college degree 6 yrs later. For a long time I just rested more. Then I went through a crushing heartbreak and the only thing keeping me going was my kids. I held on for them. Now I know I held on to find that elusive peace. It's 16 yrs past the heartbreak. I've been married to the Prince to my Belle for 12+ yrs. There's been lots of working way too hard, taking care of his mother, stress with my own parents, etc. At one point when we were in a rough patch I went to the pool I used to exercise in and I was entirely alone. It would have been so easy to just sink down into the silence and be free....and then I saw my daughters and grandsons as they would be burying me... and I knew I could never do that to them. The next day I went looking for help. While talk therapy helped a tiny bit, it really truly was "How to be Sick" by Toni Bernhard that saved me and taught me to accept my life as it is. How to see the possibility that this was my path all along, and while it isn't the path I wanted..it is the path I have. So I can be miserable fighting it...or I can take each day as a gift, because it is a gift to be here even on the bad days. Even when my heart is aching. Even when my head is aching. Because like that crushing heartbreak there will be a better day, maybe not tomorrow or even next week but there will be. And on that better day I will learn something. I will learn that there is peace in just sitting and watching birds. There is peace in being around my daughters and grandsons..even if I can't play ball with them.. I can maybe play a board game, or just sit close with them and watch a movie. I think the best way to explain it is that I've learned to let go..and see what happens...Because tomorrow is another day as Miss Scarlett would say...and when it gets bad, when I think it might be better to go away, when I feel worthless and useless and bored and hopeless, I do much like Miss Scarlett and promise to hang on and think about it again tomorrow. But you know, funny thing. Most times I forget to think about it again, because something happens...some little thing. The cat purrs in my ear, and snuggles up on my belly. My grandson yells "Gramma!" and hugs me. My husband curls up with me in bed, just being quiet. And I'm glad I decided to wait one more day...
that...is how I have found peace. One day at a time...because really it is all about serenity any way you look at it, right?

For me it's a balance of acceptance and hope. That doesn't mean I haven't been through a phenomenal amount of grief bout it all. I've learnt to appreciate the little things and realised that I am not my career, my body, my achievements and that just being present and alive is an extraordinary gift. My husband and cat have kept me going at the darkest times when I couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am still determined to recover.

I guess my story is that for much of it I've been bedbound, unable to stand or use my hands and in huge amounts of pain and needing full time care. Giving up is not in my nature although I've thought about it a lot at times. This illness has stripped me of everything, but I have found a lot of strength and I hope dignity as well.

Bless you my friends for responding. Some of you go through so much and still find a way to keep going. You are my inspiration. Thank you.