You will redefine yourself! We all have to! You are still YOU inside that body and soul!

I had (many of us did) a very fulfilling, wonderful life, wonderful job, wonderful friends before CFS. The illness, didn't take them away...the friends I mean. That was their choice. I have had to learn how to accept that, and make my world smaller as far as having a few true friends who stand by me, and bunch of wonderful friends here on DS who have what I have, and I can come here and never be questioned or disbelieved.

I had to give up my job. I tried for three years. I just couldn't do it. I understood that this was my body talking....my illness was stronger than my ability to perservere, so I finally went on disability.

In my case, that was the smartest thing I ever did. Not having to worry about the job, the speculation of the people there, the clock punching, the pretending I was "feeling ok" was all just too much. When I gave it up, I started to relax more and most of my anxiety abated. Pretending wasn't working for me.

Yes, it was hard. Yes, I miss the people.....but in reality I honestly believe that had I not pushed myself so hard for so long, I might not have gone down like a ton of bricks. Which is the only way I can describe my fall from health into CFS.

I hope that you are able to come to terms with your wonderful life....your challenges...the decisions you have to make on a daily basis and find that balance, that middle ground. Maybe at some point working will become too difficult to continue pushing through...but hopefully, you will know when that time comes and make the right choices to adapt to this ridiculous illness.

I do wish you the very best. I do! We all do.

God bless you as you move ahead!

I agree with Darla. Our lives change drastically and aren't what we envisioned, hoped for, etc. So, we have to readjust our vision of what "life" is, focus on different priorities, look forward to different things, and learn to accept what is. It is so hard, but otherwise the stress of wanting things to be different just undermines our fragile health. We retain our core selves, but our expectations and world view change. Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance, I think that is key. And feeling gratitude for the small things. Sorry, don't mean to be preachy, kind of reminding myself as I write. Hugs,

I, too, believe that acceptance is the key. I am so struggling with that as well right now. Shoot, it wasn't this hard in recovery - one relapse and I was convinced I was an alcoholic. That was 23 years ago and I haven't had a drink since. This is quite different. In the back of my mind I keep thinking I can beat this thing. I managed it for 5 years when I was first diagnosed, so I can eventually manage it again, right? But what if I can't. My case seems to be a bit less extreme than many, (for right now) and for that I'm very thankful. I just don't want to use it as an excuse to run myself into the ground and crash for good.
I guess the acceptance might come along as we build/create new lives. At least I'm hoping something will make it click in.
So hang in there MaxPB! We are right here with you!

I really needed to hear everyone's comments about acceptance as a reminder of how to cope with CFS. Like many of you, I fought very hard when I first got sick - I can beat this, I can figure out what's going on and change it, I can fix this with: the right food, the right supplements, the right lifestyle.......I finally got to a place of acceptance. Until recently, that is. I'm realizing I started sliding back into my old way of thinking I've learned to manage my symptoms in many ways, and was starting to get back into the mindset that I can overcome all of this somehow. The last few weeks, in which I've been crashing and feeling blue are a reminder that acceptance is an ongoing process.

Acceptance is easier said than done. Sometimes I think I get there and then I find myself back at the beginning again. Well, not at the beginning or even the first 10 yrs when I was frantically trying to find a cure or a cause and 7 yrs of trying to hang on to my job, but there are days that I just can't accept that I can't be there for an important event or make a living to support myself anymore.

It's just so hard, some days are harder than others.

I too clung on to my old life with white knuckles. Eventually I stopped fighting with myself about that and just tried to make each day the best I could and to a certain extent, accept the cards I'd been dealt and figure out how to play the best hand possible.

The longer I was ill, the more I realized that so many people carry baggage just like I had, or different baggage, but still just as heavy, and so on.

Before my illness, I felt vibrant, successful, thin, happy, and well accepted by people around me. All of that went away with my illness, but it takes time to redefine our lives.

It helps to learn to accept help from others when you need to, find creative ways to manage work/chores while spending less energy and find some time each day to enjoy something and have some joy.

"For what is your life but a vapor that appears for a little while and then passeth away". Where is that verse in the Bible? Anybody know? "For that you ought to say if God will, we will go into such and such a city and buy and sell and get gain". I'm not trying to be a spiritual whacko, but really people, in comparison to eternity what is this 20 or 30 years of loss? I too wonder what is the purpose of my life now? I used to be so strong and had a strong anointing of the Holy Spirit in my life. But I still believe God still has everything under control in my life if only I will surrender it to Him. After 4 years of suffering from this, I'm learning to just be content. No, I'm not the former self that had so much strength and joy in my life. But, I'm not homeless, I eat pretty good, I can go swimming across the street (just went today), I don't have an arm or leg missing, I'm not blind, and I still have hope in the Lord that He will work out something good.

What is your life but a vapor? You women that somehow think you aren't fulfilled because you couldn't succeed in your career, who gives a rat's rear end? Like the pastor said a few years ago. He said he had been to the beside of 700 or 800 dying people. Not one ever said, "I wish I would have worked more". Haha.

Not sure where you're coming from EZ. Losing the ability to support myself is huge as I have no family to support me. Not sure why you feel good about trivializing that or maybe you just get off on putting woman down.

It isn't a matter of fulfilling a career, it's a matter of survival: food, shelter, etc.

Oh no, I love women. I'm so glad God made them the way they are. The men of my generation got a very raw deal from the feminist and the liberal media that supported their nonsense. But I try not to let that affect me because these women are only about 5% of the female population at most, and I thank God for that.

When I read your post #5, I don't see any mention of you being on the streets. That is a tough life that I wish on no one. I've been king of following this guys blog about life on the streets of San Diego if you have any interest.

God Bless,
EZ

http://thehomelessguy.blogspot.com/

Acceptance is totally LIBERATING!

Only by accepting that your old self is dead can you embark on the journey. That journey is the rest of your life, and you will find purpose. You are still very much alive. It will all come together for you, don't worry.

EZ, women are fully entitled to have a career. So are men. There's much more to it than just putting food on the table, a career has many rewards besides the purely monetary. If you had ever had a career, you would know this by now.

The reason career is so difficult to give up has to do with loss of identity. For example, many seniors are choosing to work beyond their retirement years because it engages their minds and bodies. They feel it keeps them young. Sure, some need to continue working for the money but a staggering number of seniors do it because they want to. Retirement bores them too much.

Historical research has shown that men (in particular) often die soon after retiring. This is no accident, as their very identity was so closely intertwined with career.

WetNoodle2, the main reason a lot of women want to have careers is because they just don't want to stay home and watch the 2-year-old and 4-year-old. It is a much higher calling for a woman to stay home and be a homemaker than to have a career. Most women's "careers" are pretty stupid if you ask me anyway. It's men that design the cars, the electronics, the machinery, and just about everything else. It's men who build most all the stuff. It's certainly men who build our roads, bridges and interstates and houses and skyscrapers. Women have a backup role in all cultures throughout all history. There is a good reason they are only paid 80% of what a man makes in the same position because not as much is expected from women.

No, I think it is a much higher calling to be a homemaker and maybe work a part-time job. It is ridiculous to think a woman can work a full time job and be a full time mom too? Nope, sorry, women can't do that. Very few men have the strength to work 2 40-hours jobs per week--much less a woman.

Now, try to work a full time job, be a mom, and throw in CFS on top of that? As they say on Monday night football, "C'Mon Man".

Hello Max,
I am thinking the same way about myself. About 5 years ago, I was a total different person. I laughed a lot, smiled more, could handle things better than now, I was more relaxed, enjoyed playing my games and listening to music (I was just being so creative). But now.....I have a lot of fear, I'm frustrated, very emotional and think nothing but bad thoughts 24 hours a day. I feel like I'm going out of my mind and just want to die because life's problems is getting to damn intense for me. This change came in 2010 when my mom was diagnosed with cancer but then she was told that she do not have cancer, its called autoimmune disease instead. It feels like I am in a real bad nightmare and won't wake up. Its horrible. It seems like everything turned on me. I can't get in touch with my dad, my mom is going through a bad depression from doctors, cancer, family issues, and sad thoughts. I am really so down. I'm scared of life period. Oh gosh!!!!!!

Why men and women both hate feminism. This is a very good read IMHO.

http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.com/2013/01/why-men-and-women-hate-feminism.html