Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Support Group
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS) describes a sense of exhaustion and post-exertion malaise, even when you have gotten enough rest and sleep. The disease is characterized by six months of incapacitating fatigue experienced as profound exhaustion and extremely poor stamina, and problems with concentration and short-term memory. The cause is unknown, but it is a...
Yeah, there's a subject line for you. This is about what I'm discovering about MY lack of compassion, not others toward me.
I feel SO guilty right now! My DH was diagnosed a few weeks ago with Type 2 Diabetes. I have had insulin resistance/pre-diabetes for ages, so this is old hat for me. I tell him what he needs to know, get him to the doc, arrange healthy meals for him, and his blood sugar has gone from 486 to normal on a consistent basis.
What bugs me is that he cries regularly about having this disease. I totally get the freak-out factor. Truly I do. It's a life-changing event, after all. He'll never go back to his old relationship with junk food, that's for sure. But three weeks later he's STILL crying about it. I find myself at the end of my compassion. He's got a disease that's truly scary, but it HAS treatment and he's reached a point of being normal on medication (without injections). All he has to do is take pills and eat decently healthy.
Meanwhile, I have two diseases with no consistent treatment or cure, can barely function some days, and people treat me like an imbecile because of them. I will never get a promotion at work b/c of this disease (he just got one, which he deserved). I am sick of hearing him cry over it. I hate to see him so scared, so hurt, but I want to cry out "what about me?!?" And this just isn't the time.
I feel so selfish and whiny. I tell him to go see a professional counselor (he had one) and he keeps putting it off. Just wanted to vent. Thanks for reading!
I feel SO guilty right now! My DH was diagnosed a few weeks ago with Type 2 Diabetes. I have had insulin resistance/pre-diabetes for ages, so this is old hat for me. I tell him what he needs to know, get him to the doc, arrange healthy meals for him, and his blood sugar has gone from 486 to normal on a consistent basis.
What bugs me is that he cries regularly about having this disease. I totally get the freak-out factor. Truly I do. It's a life-changing event, after all. He'll never go back to his old relationship with junk food, that's for sure. But three weeks later he's STILL crying about it. I find myself at the end of my compassion. He's got a disease that's truly scary, but it HAS treatment and he's reached a point of being normal on medication (without injections). All he has to do is take pills and eat decently healthy.
Meanwhile, I have two diseases with no consistent treatment or cure, can barely function some days, and people treat me like an imbecile because of them. I will never get a promotion at work b/c of this disease (he just got one, which he deserved). I am sick of hearing him cry over it. I hate to see him so scared, so hurt, but I want to cry out "what about me?!?" And this just isn't the time.
I feel so selfish and whiny. I tell him to go see a professional counselor (he had one) and he keeps putting it off. Just wanted to vent. Thanks for reading!
Wake up. That diabetic person you're talking about is being selfish and whiny, YOU ARE NOT.
I hear you on there being no comparison to our illness(es). It seems so minor compared to what we are dealing with, doesn't it?
I think once he gets over his junk food withdrawal you'll see he reaches a place of acceptance and gets on with his life.
Hubby was dx with atrial fibrillation and it was truly scary for him for about 2 months, the coumadin, the testing, the whole cardioversion issue...but he got through it and it's just part of our lives now.
One thing I might suggest is to be sure he is taking on his own responsibility for his sugar checks, his meds, his food. If you are having a bad crash and you are doing it he'll be out on a limb eating wrong (this from experience - hubby stopped taking his meds and ate tv dinners for 2 months when I was really sick and ended up in the hospital - now he is expected to handle his own meds and etc)...
It's really hard to not want to just kick him in the butt and tell him that blood sugar issues are the least you deal with and you just want him to grow up.... he will, at his own pace. Hang in there, and dig out the headphones.....
I understand the type of suffering we go through is like no other, but a sudden diagnosis of diabetes is also a big shock. Give him time...he'll adapt probably. I'd say it's good that he is crying...he's getting it out. Compassion doesn't always look soft and fuzzy...sometimes it means doing your best not to judge or say anything nasty and just giving them space to have their experiences.
I don't have a DH dear husband?
designated husband? I sometimes get a bit frustrated with the
abbreviations, but I did see that he is your partner later in the
message. I can still relate to what you're writing. I have friends
and family members with serious diagnosis and I either hear them
in person or talk by phone.
I listen to them talk about their challenges and complain and
'all that'. In turn, they listen to me. I sometimes feel the same way.
Why can't I listen to this anymore? What's wrong with me?
Do I lack basic love? compassion and so on. I find that I
have some good days with them and some not good at all.
I would hope in your case that his reactions will fade out..
Yes. It would be nice if he returned to his counselor.
I'm glad he was able to bring his blood sugar levels down.
This is a good place to come and 'vent'. I agree. Nothing's
wrong with you. I feel that despite having these illnesses
that we have our limitations anyway. Like who really wants
to hear someone complain? For a long time? Some
people are better listening to turmoil, upset and despair
than others. It's not
easy. ( I feel that's why shrinks and mental health workers
get paid so much. IMO)
One thing I have learned is to honor my 'limitations'.
I sometimes feel I'm in emotional survival mode. If my
'well' isn't being replenished, what do I have to give to
anyone else. I feel it's actually important to be 'selfish'
to honor our fatigue. I feel these illnesses impact us on
an emotional level and I try to pay attention to that.
Take good care.