I met my partner 6 months into the illness and I told him on our first date. That way the ball was in his court and I wouldn't worry that if I fell for him and then told him, he would leave. I believe it was best that way. If he thought it was too much then he could have made that decision then and I didn't want someone who wouldn't be able to cope with dating a sick person.
As it turns out he gets major anxiety and that's been the most difficult thing in our relationship, not my illness.
I think go for it, plan the date and hope for feeling that you will make it. If not, people postpone its not the end of the world. If the person is right you then they will understand.

*right for you*

Hi, I can't relate to your situation. I'm 54, but I've been married for 30 years. Still there are always things that will and can up to interfere with plans. I would say to make plans.

Ruby30 provided great advice from my perspective. Living life to its fullest means taking the chance the next step isn't going to work out. I would always vote on taking the step. [Provided it's wise. :) ] [Good luck on the wise part.]

I hope you find someone special. The one who needs the one special person you are. Take care.

Agreeing with the other posters, seize the day, go for it. If it works out great, if not hey you did something positive. Hope you have a great time.

I struggle with dating myself and when to tell them I have an illness. I always wonder, will they want to continue dating me if they knew.

I can usually get through the first few dates but if it's going well and he wants to spend more time with me, that's when it becomes challenging. I've had to cancel in the past and that's not a concern of mine. It's more upsetting then anything. It's a reminder of how limiting my life is.

I've done various things when it came to telling the guy that I have an illness. It really depended on him and if there seemed like there could be something there. At that point, I would tell him. Personally, I'm private when it comes to my illness and I don't feel the need to tell someone something so personal when I don't even know them. However, I do realize it's different for everyone and this approach could backfire.

I'm glad I do date when I can and when I can't, then I don't. If you can, I would go for it. Just take it date by date and see how it goes. And more importantly, have fun!! I used to stress about dating and now I just take this approach.

Sometimes I'm glad I don't have to worry about a significant other and other times, it gets lonely especially because I live alone. I will say to those of you who have supportive partners, you are very fortunate!! It would be nice if I could find that special person because as we know, it would need to take a very special person.

Good luck!! Keep us posted.

Ruby, TL, Max and Paula - thank you all for your support, advice and comments. I didn't know what to expect when I posted this topic and am grateful for your responses.

I think I will combine all your responses and if a dating opportunity comes up and I'm feeling good - I will go and . take it one day at a time.

Blessings to you all !!!! PJ

Ruby30, did that person you were dating understand CFIDS/ME? I'm curious if there are some people who have heard of it and can grasp it's limitations.

Lulu. My partner had heard of it but had no first hand experience as in he had never known someone while they were ill with it.
It was a little difficult in the beginning because I got the impression from him that he thought it was more emotional, not that he thought I wasn't physically ill but he himself had experienced physical symptoms from emotional issues. Once he learnt more and got to know me, he sees my situation differently.
He has never once been impatient with me or pressured me to do more than I can, actually he's usually the one telling me to stop and rest. I think he's so compassionate because he has had depression and still has bad anxiety. He doesn't like to go out to social events because of the anxiety and I usually can't so it works quite well atm.

Just wanted to bring this discussion up again. The partner I mentioned actually didn't work out so I'm back in the dating game.
I had a first date with a guy after a phone date and I told him about my health as I felt like I was lying if I didn't disclose that information especially because people always bring the topic of work up. I work part time so at least I can say I have a job even if it's only four hours per week, I don't offer that piece of information unless they specifically ask.

Another reason why I think it's important to tell the person, is that it's been and still is a big part of me. It has changed my life for the positive. Put things into perspective, slowed me down, showed me relationships with people are more important than getting ahead, gave me way more compassion and understanding.

It's made me a better and more content person, as fate goes I wouldn't be on the date if I hadn't gotten sick. Don't get me wrong I still have lots of worry and nerves about telling people especially potential partners but I'd rather they know what to expect before we get too involved and then they realize they couldn't handle it. Plus you have to be comfortable being sick around them or how would you move past the dating fase.

I have to admit that I played it down on the first date but on the second date, he bought it up so I told him to Google it but not to freak out as everyone's illness has varying symptoms. I said as long as I'm upfront with him then he can't see any problems. If they are the person for you then it will work out.

I also had a date with a guy before I met the one mentioned above and was having a bad day, I didn't cancel but it was tough and lasted 1.5 hours, turned out I wouldn't have wanted it longer anyway as he wasn't the guy for me, I told him about my illness for the practice of being more comfortable with telling people. I was very lovely about it and wanted to see me again regardless, I just didn't feel anything for him.

I do think that I am ashamed of the illness which I know is wrong but this is why I find it hard to be completely open about it but I also think we may think it's worse than the people around us and if they think you're special and have an ounce of compassion then they'll stick around. I personally didn't have that much faith in believing I'd find someone that could handle it and hey its only been two dates so he still may not be that person but I do believe that there are people out there who would not mind.

PJ, please update on how the dating is going for you.
I would love to know if you have found someone or managed a date or two.

Hello 4everyoung1, You've gotten some very good advice here.
Just to put in a little personal experience. I tend to be fairly
private about my illness and in general before I know someone.
Dating has been a challenge for the same reasons you give.
One man, well he was easy to talk with and very friendly.
We had a good time and ended up talking over coffee. I
worked up my gumption to 'share' about the chronic fatigue.
Much to my amazement, he came back with several
health challenges he's had , one of which was a heart attack
a few years earlier. He said it like it was a tooth ache and
just kept on talking. Turns out he had several 'woman
friends' with all kinds of health challenges. It was obviously
not a big deal to him. I didn't see him after that for other
reasons. But as we get older, there's more likelihood that
we're not the only ones with some kind of health issues.
I don't feel there's a strong rule with this. I prefer to
judge the situation as it happens. Good wishes with this.

I told my current husband right from the get go...he was used to seeing my energetic, hyper side. But eventually CFS, fibro and seizures took me down and he saw the other side.
My greatest fear is people seeing me when I am seizing. If I push it to far and try to ignore my CFS and fibro it triggers my epilepsy. Ofcourse that is what he saw.
But he was forewarned from day 1 that it could happen so it lessened the embarrassment (a little).
Over the years he has become used to me being bed bound for a day, or a week or a month or whatever time it takes me down for and then back up on my feet and hyperactive again....
I never did learn the art of pacing. Before I got sick with this I was a go go hyper person. So my good days are still go go hyper and my really bad days I am near a coma.
Best to be upfront...it is fair to them and fair to you.

i told my husband after he proposed that I may not be able to have children and I had in the past suffered with depression. We've been married almost 30 years and we have 2 sons and I had no depression but he did, and with all my health problems now, he has been pretty good. Honesty is so important in a relationship. Isabelle1954

this is a great topic - thank you for bringing it up.

i'm 57 now and have been sick since i was 29 years old. i was single until late 30's in large part because of my illness. all i could manage was my career and then rest and recuperate. i also felt so ashamed of being sick, i think because of all the years of being told nothing was wrong with me, that this isnt a real illness, etc. i also had so many other self esteem issues that i didn't think anyone would/could ever love someone so 'damaged', and boring cause I can't go out, go hiking, etc. who wants to hang around the house all the time?!

i think i married the first man that wanted to marry me!!! (I'm being a little harsh!) i told him the first night about my illness and i took his silent response to mean acceptance when it really meant he wasn't listening! (i found out later) it was a painful marriage and I left it, but i have no regrets. i learned a lot. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect or honor your illness is not only painful but damaging. I ended up much sicker.

i met my partner - the love of my life 9 months before i became completely disabled. i met him at a starbucks one evening and we just sat there for hours talking about everything, including my illness. i was anxious to some extent about being rejected because of cfs but i was also a lot more comfortable in my own skin by that time and with acceptance of this illness. from the start he was interested in this and sought out information on his own about it. and we did just 'hang out' together for our dates - very low key and easy. it was just easy all the way around.

we've been together for 12 years and he's seen me decline markedly during that time, has had to be my caregiver at times. we joke about 'date night' at the E/R or sitting in the doctor's waiting room. Yet we're stronger than ever. Im still just his sweetheart.

i guess i'm trying to communicate some hopefulness and encouragement. honestly for many reasons, i never thought i would find someone who would love me this much and vice versa, given all my 'defects'. Hes helped me see them as strengths.

You tell them from the start , if they walk away , you can do better , you don't need some one whom only sticks around for the good times , then runs when you need them the most ! , but , for me , i'm 36 , and have no money because of how C.F.S effects me , can't hold a job for very long see , and i find , most women , and i do mean most , only want to be friends , if that , girls don't date guys who have no money and can't earn it , they don't want "no scrubs" to quote tlc the girl group . So life 4 me is a very lonely thing , and i can't see it changing soon . If your financially stable , then as i said first , if they walk when you tell then , slam the door behind them and lock it , you don't need people like that , your ups and downs are nothing , as long as you can pay for your own ticket and drinks , thats all you need think about .

Great topic. I've never been married but been in long term relationships. Dating is very hard on me but I keep trying as I know there is someone that will understand and is compassionate. With two dx (ME/CFS & MS) I tell them before I meet them what I have and if they still want to meet then great. If not, well that's okay too... just not meant to be. It takes a lot of energy to get ready for a meeting or date. I do my best to space the time out. I have found it's easier for them to understand that I have MS as when I mention ME or ME/CFS or chronic fatigue syndrome, they don't know what it is. (not surprised)

I have not seized but nearly passed out, tremors, or can't walk but I take it all in stride as if they don't like it... next please.

Actually, I have a afternoon date and he focusing on helping with the MS with supplements. I've told him to research ME and look for helps that. Wish me luck.

I think it is up to the individual when to mention it but definitely if you are serious as in dating. Some of you are still working part-time as I totally disabled. But as most stated honest is very important in relationships.