I know how you feel. I crashed when I had my first child. The breastfeeding added to the exhaustion. My lowest point was when I passed out on the stairs with my baby in my arms. Fortunately, she was not harmed. I cried so much because I just wanted to be a "normal" mom. My kids are older now (14 & 8), but I still have struggles over not being able to be "normal." I limp and that embarrasses my oldest girl and my younger one is afraid to ask me to help at field trips and school events for fear I'll get sick. Having said all of that, let me get to the part where I say something that actually helps you. So far, I've just been trying to establish that I can feel what you feel. My kids don't have a "normal" mom, but they have me, and I am enough. I have my own set of traits. Maybe I can't be the soccer mom, but I can teach them empathy and compassion. I can help them to relieve their stress. I can hold them when they are sad. I'm still me, and that's all I have to be. All you can do is be the best you that you can be. We are here for you. Post any time. Welcome. I pray you will be surrounded by love and convinced that you are the mother your baby needs.

Thank you so much, Triunfadora! You have no idea how much your response meant to me. You are right, it is good to focus on what we can still do... and no one can love a child like his mother :) Thank you again for your kind words.

No problem. I'm so glad you were encouraged by what I said. You are so right about no one loving a child like their mother can. Hold on to that. Many blessings, dear girl.

I had 2 lively boys in diapers when I had a breast removed and chemotherapy, which plunged me into CFS. We read a lot of books on the couch and thankfuilly my husband was supportive. No, I couldn't run or do the active things I wished, but my boys are in their 20's now and have turned out to be very caring, compassionate men. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. I had a yeast component in my situation that added to the fatigue. Hopefully, you will find some "lifelines" to help with your fatigue. Your Friend, Isabelle1954

Thank you Isabelle! I appreciate your comments... I am very lucky that my little boy likes to read too! He can spend up to about 30 minutes with me looking through his books, which is a nice relaxing activity for us. I am also very blessed to have the support of my husband.... it does meant the world. :)

I have been there. My lupus/RA/cfs did not surface until my son was 12 months old, but still, it was ... horrible to have a toddler and feel as though I could not properly take care of him. Very depressing.

When I finally got on the right med cocktail (methotrexate and plaquenil) I got most of my life back and things got better by the time he was about 4, but I am still so much "lesser" a mom than the power moms around me. And it is ... what it is.

I did find some ways to come, so I will share in case it helps you.
First, try to find some support if you can. Mine was in the form of a female pastor with a similar illness to mine. And the church ladies brought me meals for about 3 months!

If someone offered to help, I took it. A friend told me "don't hog all the joy" which means, people are looking for ways to be of use, so don't deny them their task in service.

Let your child "come to you." Let him crawl into your lap and try to find ways to have "face time" with him while you are laying down. I remember having his toys spread all over my bed so I could rest and talk to him face to face while he played.

As he grows, allow him to do all that he is able. Don't feel like you have to "do" for him because you love him. If he "can" then he should, which helps you both. Like, finding the right clothes (that you've already placed in a certain area in his room) and dressing himself. And letting him go out in the world not perfectly matched. Hard, but, kids need to be able to make choices, I say.
This goes against the culture today (when many moms send their sons off to college and they don't know how to do a load of laundry or heat up a can of soup. seriously!)

I remember having a small bin in the fridge that my son could go to for snacks when he wanted and he was probably as young as 3 or 4. It was all healthy stuff so again, it helped both of us.

And I also remember, the saddest thing probably, having to put everything I needed for the entire day in a basket on my arm, hold his hand in the other and sit-scoot, down the stairs because I could not get back up those stairs until bedtime. I couldn't take my meds till after a large breakfast, and the kitchen was downstairs.

But we survived and you will too! hang in there, it will definitely get better at some point. : )

My son is almost 13 now and very responsible and mature for his age. So, there can be a silver lining in there somewhere.

I can understand. Try to think of what you have, you have support, a wonderful husband and a sweet baby. And as long as you and the baby are kept alive throughout the day it's good enough. That's the way I try to look at it.

I have a super clingy, demanding, energetic, strong-willed 2.5 yr old girl. My goal is simply get us fed (even one meal a day is better than nothing. sometimes it happens.) and do something together whatever I can do with her. Because the girl demands my attention and wants me to play with her throughout the whole day, I disappoint her everyday. There was a long time that both of us were very frustrated and the girl cried so much because I just couldn't play with her ALL THE TIME. But both of us are learning to cope. She tries to play by herself as much as she can and I keep trying to find a balance to meet both of our needs.

We do what we can and get help to get by. Our kids will grow and learn, and I don't think it's a bad thing to let our kids to help us out. So I think it's more about finding our own balance, no matter how little we can do it still counts. The most important thing is that we love each other and need each other, so we help each other and support each other.

I crashed badly after giving birth too. I breast fed as well, but fixing and washing bottles were absolutely not an option because I had no energy for doing it. I was completely out of my comfort zone and a nervous wreck about being a new mother and I realize now that my attitude contributed to creating and prolonging the crash.

You wrote, " It seems that all the other mothers can do it effortlessly with 2 kids." Remember looks can be deceiving (How many times have you heard, "You don't look sick!") and no one but the mother really knows how hard it is. Many mothers, including me, say it is the hardest job they've ever had.

It's common for women to do the lion's share of child-rearing and housework and still work outside the home. I've never heard a single man, healthy or otherwise, say that he felt like he was not pulling his own weight. Besides, would you love your husband any less if the roles were reversed?

You say that you cannot take care of your family "properly". That's a loaded word based on the notion that there is a right and a wrong way to raise a family, which in my mind, there is no such thing!

So my advice is to stop judging yourself so harshly (it's draining and counter productive) and treat yourself as you want others to treat you.

Accept that you are doing the best you can and be grateful for the things that you can do. Your child may not like it that you can't do some things, that's all part of life's lessons, but I bet your child will appreciate things like snuggling up with you bed while you read a great book.

I love the saying, "Change your attitude, change your life!" Please, be kind to yourself.

I am raising two special needs children on top of this illness, and I do it alone. I go through feeling guilty that I am not doing enough or not a good enough mother. I also get jealous from time to time of healthy mother when I see what they are doing with their kids, but then I remind myself that I didn't choose this illness, and I have no control over it ,it has control of me. I do the best I can with hand I was dealt,and that is all I can ask of myself.