unfortunately, 'outsiders' may have the best intentions, but then actually experiencing it -is more than they can handle, and that goes beyond just 'dating', family and friend relationships are strained as well. And truthfully, whoever wants to go, let them, because we need a very strong ,patient type character. My ex would become impatient with me and that put me on constant edge which was more exhausting, so I had to walk away, if they cant add to your life, or make it in some way easier, forget it, your better off in the end.

Thank you, cachetteen1. You are right about being better off if someone can't add to my life or make it easier. I hope I can find the strong, patient type!

I'm a senior, but I've found that generally men want someone who will look after them - something like their mother did. They want someone who will cook and clean for them and pamper them. They DON'T want to be saddled with looking after anyone else. They want someone who is working or else at least has lots of savings that we're willing to share. If we can't meet that criteria, chances are slim of them wanting a relationship with us. There are of course a few rare gentlemen who are willing to look past our health issues and get to know us anyway. But those are few and far between. Sorry to sound so negative, but that has been my experience. I do hope you will find one of those few and far between ones! Anything is possible. It's important to keep a very strong, positive self image. Know your worth and know that the gentleman you met is really "missing out" because he felt he couldn't deal with your health issues. Yes, you need someone who has strong character and who believes enough in himself and you so that he isn't intimidated. I met a man like that when I met my late husband. The possibility of striking gold twice? It's possible and I hope it happens. Meanwhile, we have to create a life for ourselves that we find as fulfilling as possible, so even if we don't find that rare gem, we can still lead a happy life. Love and good wishes to you. Cheryl

Yup, my health limits were a major factor in having to end my relationship of 9 years. Partner wanted me to be able to live 5 minutes from her adult, well incomed children rather than live in a part of the city where i could maintain some level if dignity and independence by being close to my drs and church rather than driving the 40 minutes it would take me to get from where she wanted to live. Said i couldnt be part of the family if I couldnt live up by all her relatives. Pretty uncaring as i am in pain and fatigue and cant drive far ir at sll on freeways. Do at 62 that was my last shot at a relationship. She was 8 years younger and very athletic which compounded our differences in physical ability. I know folks with disabled spouses who got together when they were younger though, raised kids and grandkids together for over 30 yrs, so they are so devoted to each other they stand by their spouses side no matter what. I just didnt try to settle down soon enough before my illness got so advanced. But bwtter to be without them if they cant handle it..just hope others are more honest or dont wait 9 years to tell you that theyd rather have fancy house and adventure lifestyle. I got so tired having to defend my need for rest abd medications...everyone thinks they know better than we do...my ex actually would begin quoting her highschool coach telling me my only problem was that i needed to 'buck up" and push through the pain. Atleast i dont have someone telling me im lazy and inadequate anymore..big relief!

Thank you Goldengirl and megan54 for your input! Goldengirl, I'm a senior too. I think you're right about so many men our age not wanting to get saddled with someone with health issues. I need to take your example and find a life of happiness for myself without someone. If this depression would let go a bit, I think I could. And Megan, you are better off without your ex! I think you hit the nail on the head when you said folks who got together when they were young had enough of a bond to weather through difficulty. For the most part I think that happens. Then there were the ones like my ex-husband who wanted another, stronger woman after 18 years of marriage. He found another woman, married her, and she ended up having health issues too.

Ok. I too am a senior and have attempted the 'dating scene' several times over the past ten years
by way of on line. I drank a lot of decaf and heard many stories. One of them lasted a few
months but it was things other than my illness which made it not doable. In addition to CFS, I
have digestive issues and don't eat a lot of 'normal' foods, for instance, gluten sugar, or drink alcohol.
Even if you don't do fine dining and just go to a Denny's or a regular place, this can be
very difficult. Most of these men liked wine with dinner for instance. The implication is they
expect you to drink with them, or order pasta with them, or desert with them. Even
'regular people' I know are like this. That's just for starters.
I agree with what GoldenGirl had to say. Older men do seem to want someone to look
after them. I had one fellow say in an email reply that his former wife had health problems,
that she passed away, and that he certainly didn't want to be looking after another woman
with any kind of problems. At least there was no guessing there although I was rather
taken aback when I read what he'd written.
I'm sorry to read about your experience Megan after nine years. That's a tough one
to deal with. I don't feel there are easy answers to some of this in general and even 'good'
relationships can end for a wide variety of reasons.
Meanwhile, I do quite a lot when I'm able; to appreciate my time. I've taken a few group
day trips, spend time with friends and family
, go to lectures and my spiritual groups, and take a class
through our senior division of the local college. when I'm able.

Hi there Hope 2Heal. I'm so sorry for your loss and disappointment. I believe that you can still find a man to love you and appreciate you despite your illness. It may not be easy but it is still possible. There are many lonely and good men out there who would be grateful for a devoted companion. Not all men want to be cared for.Many are happy to be the carer, and to just receive love and companionship in return. I have seen many relationships like this before. They do exist. These type of men are not so materialistic but instead more spiritual by nature. So sacrificing is not so difficult for them if the person is right for them. Maybe I'm in illusion. It's possible lol! I refuse to change my mind though. Don't give up.

Thank you, aussiedi, what you said gives me hope. I wrote the post right after being dumped, and now a few days later, I am feeling a little more positive about finding someone at some point. I do have a lot of love and companionship to give, we all do. We deserve happiness.

Hi, Hope2Heal - I agree with aussi - There are plenty of men who appreciate a slower more relaxed existence and who would be more deserving of your love and companionship.

Hi again Hope2Heal, Good to read through all these replies. I can see that I sounded pretty
negative in what I shared. I didn't mean to imply that you should give up hope or stop trying to
meet someone. I want to send you good wishes. Hang in there..

Hope2Heal - he may have meant well, and then realized what being with a person with CFS really means. Or he may just have been using you. (it happens) We don't just get tired more easily... we're truly sick. I have a very nice husband who sends me mixes messages - tells me I should be laying down more and resting...but only when he wants me to save up energy to do the mattress tango... otherwise he goes to work, comes home and has the remote in his hand the rest of the night. We are moving soon and I am moving into my own bedroom because he can't seem to understand that even having the light from the tv on keeps me from resting completely and he's up til 1 am on the weekends. I can't do that. It's not his fault I am unable to deal with it but I have finally decided it's better for me/us if I just have my own room and then he can watch tv as late as he wants. He also asks me for help doing his chores but I have to nag, nag, nag (not my style!) him to do as much as the vacuuming. After 17 yrs I am in a rough place because on ssdi you can't really afford much when you're alone. So I'm hoping separate sleeping will make us closer during wake times. Sometimes even with a good man who gets it, they can slip or we can push ourselves too much for too long and they get used to us looking "normal" and forget we have ups and downs. Honestly - I would not want to be married to me and at this point at 57 I'd rather live alone if I could. seriously... given the choice, I'd just date when I was up to it and not be married at all... it's just easier...

Thanks, PG307, Nina, and Rosi. Rosi, you didn't sound negative at all. Your post was very good for me; I neglected to tell you so. Sorry about that. I am gluten and casein free. Yes, people do expect you to eat the same things. This is when I like the saying, "Live and let live." I question whether I can handle having a relationship stamina-wise. PG103, I hope there are men who want a more relaxed existence. Most of the ones I met want to climb mountains and ride their Harleys (with me on the back!). Nina, I do think this gentleman meant well. He just can't see sharing his life with someone who won't get out and about with him. Not only do I have CFS, but also agoraphobia (someone who likes to stick close to home). I don't know if this is a CFS issue or anxiety issue. Probably a little bit of both.

Hi again - just want to put something out there... folks with CFS are often very sensitive emotionally and physically and Psychically as well. Many I have met are empathic and don't really recognize it. So we stay in doors mostly to be away from people because we FEEL everything around us and it gets to be too much. Not saying this is you but maybe? learning how to put up a block around me, like a bubble, took some time and practice meditating but now I can go out much more often. I still love being home alone, mind you but if my grandkids want to see a movie with me I can handle it now. As for the back of a motorcycle - if I were going to be on the road on one, I'd be driving my own! I can't imagine not being able to see the road and can you imagine how tiring either way to ride would be for someone like us? I get pooped driving the car and then the martcart around the grocery store (smile)... if you decide you want to be with someone, perhaps seek out someone like you, sensitive, another introvert. Someone who loves to sit and read side by side. Sounds lovely.

I had to give up my motorbike a few years back (sigh). It was one of those steps in letting go and dealing with the grief. Nowadays I'm often not even up to driving the car.

I think the problem with seeking out another introvert is that they are like me - sitting at home enjoying a good book. I guess it's no real surprise that I'm still single.

Nina, how interesting you mention empathic people. I never thought about this, but after researching empathic people, it seems to fit. I remember a therapist once told me I had a lot of empathy and it was causing problems. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I am anxious to look into this further. Wonder if ACT therapy would help. It states part of you is experiencing a thought and part of you is actually observing that you are having a thought. The idea is to OBSERVE rather than FEEL. cmait, how cool you rode a motorbike. Motorcycles were a big part of my family growing up. Never drove one myself, but have been on the back a lot. I think I'm an extrovert, but get nervous in crowds.