Hi Ruby,

I'm so sorry you are facing the end of an important relationship.

Yes, the emotional stress of the break-up is going to make your symptoms worse. Any emotional stress will do that. Unfortunately it's just the way it is. Trying to re-focus on other positive things in your life DOES help. I'm going through a difficult situation also, I've been married 33 years and my husband has never handled it well when I am sick, I never understood why, but he would focus only on what I'm not doing for him and how it makes him feel, not at all thinking of what I may be going through. These past 5 years, since I was diagnosed, have been hell, and it just keeps getting worse. I discovered last spring that he suffers from a personality disorder and this explains his distorted perception of my illness and how it affects him, explains why he is making me worse with how he handles it all. Therapy has helped me, and I'm working hard at deciding if the emotional stress of remaining in the relationship is worth not being alone and dependent on others. There's no good answer.

I understand how hard it is to let go of the things about the relationshsip that makes your life easier, you don't mention how fulfilling the relationship has been, but the fact that he is searching out other people means he's not committed to you, and that does not help you.

Perhaps looking at it this way will help, by leaving he is causing you emotional stress that you will eventually recover from, by staying he will continue to cause you emotional stress indefinitely.

I'm sorry, I'm really trying to be helpful here and not sound negative. How to handle it is just by doing what you're doing now, reaching out to those of us who understand, and getting the reassurance that you're not alone.

Again, I'm sorry for what you're going through.
Hugs, Genie

Just wanted to stop by and say that hi, my partner left me after 12 years together and he was the one person who at least partly got what was happening with cfs, Emotional stress is hard and to be honest I don't think you can do much but ride it out, trying to ignore how you feel prob wouldn't help in the long term either.
For me I just tried to take care of myself the best I could and someone advised me to be kind to myself which was great advice
Luna x

Thanks everyone. I haven't felt this much pain after a break up before and I know that we with CFS seem to find emotions more difficult so I keep reminding myself of that. I know it was the best decision for me in the long run but I also think it's worse for people with a chronic illness, it's hard to imagine someone wanting to be with a 'sick' person.

ATM I think my adrenaline takes over and I don't actually feel my CFS, only heart break, I'm waiting for the crash to come.........actually I am hoping for it to come and then it may take me mind off HIM.

I'm sorry Genie that you have to deal with that with your limited energy. Perhaps the on-going stress of your relationship is making your symptoms worse? That's what the Dr advised me anyway. Short term pain for long term gain.
I guess I have weighed that up as my partner was really wonderful about my illness but basically it was because he couldn't emotionally be 100% in the relationship. He made up for that by being a wonderfully compassionate man. For me this wasn't enough, I needed all of him and I would rather be happy single (eventually) then be with someone that wasn't invested like I was.

I have now parted with a guy I was seeing for the same reason, not available to me really, I think its extra brave to end a relationship when unwell and I did see a future but you have to be true to yourself I guess x

I do know that us with CFS may find emotions harder to handle just because we don't have the energy. I keep telling myself this and it does help a very little.

Anyway, the weird thing is, is that I haven't felt my CFS since the breakup 1 week ago.
This does seem to happen to me, that when bad things happen I sorta go high. Not happy high but have maybe what I could call "anxious high". And physically I am able to do more things without needing to lie down.
I've been able to talk to friends on the phone, plus visit another one AND do another activity everyday since it has happened.
I would be really interested to know if this happens to others.

I have hope that perhaps the on-going stress of the relationship and me not being true to myself was causing my CFS to flare BUT more realisticly I think it could be adrenalin getting me through.
I have been like this when we were just not getting on aswell. So therefore still had the stress of being in the relationship.

When i decided it was time to end my marriage my stress level decreased. I didnt realize how much negative energy i was experiencing. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I actually experienced a euphoria like experience about a week or two later. My stress went down. My symptoms lessened and i was able to sleep better. I had spent all my energy keeping things together for so long that i hadn't realized what it was doing to me physically. I was sad for our relationship, family, kids... by i came to realize that it was the correct decision. I know it hurts now but give it time.

Just ran across your post, Ruby, and thought I'd ask how you're doing now that it's been a couple of months?

My partner & I broke up about a month ago, but with no job or transportation it's taking her awhile to move out of my home. Like your ex, she's one of the few people who really "gets it" to any degree on how devastating this illness is. Unfortunately she's bi-polar and I just can't deal with her illness and manage mine as well. I know the extra help around the house will be missed, but I'm hoping the lessened home/emotional stress will prove a benefit for my health.

I hope that's what you've been experiencing. I think it's important to allow ourselves to call on friends for help, too, which is something I have a very difficult time doing.

Take good care of yourself!

Yes, I was heartbroken from a failed relationship and found for a while it was just "one foot in from of the other". You have a great bunch of people here to encourage you. You'll find a lot of love here. Isabelle1954

LadyRocker: I have had some bad times but not physically, amazingly I have only gotten better since the b/up. I even had my appendix removed which hasn't caused an increase in symptoms but the anaesthetic did make me very down, which was hard to handle along with the b/up.

When I do have bad days CFS wise, I feel very sad about the b/up, I think this is due to being scared that I may never find someone whilst I'm sick.

I'm so glad that (fingers crossed) my health is better than before the b/up. I don't think I could handle a crash and a broken heart!

How have your symptoms been since your b/up?

My partner had emotional issues, but they were hard for me to deal with and I'm realising now just how much of an impact they had on my health.

Ruby - the emotional up and down was getting really bad the last few weeks that she continued living in my home, so I had been getting more and more stressed and fatigued. I think I'm just now getting over the shock I felt due to the huge scene she made the day she left. I had hoped we could party civilly, but there's no way she was going to allow that to happen! Since having the house to myself the past few weeks I'm definitely feeling relieved and less stressed. I'm still pretty fatigued, but my head is definitely in a better place. I got lab results back from the doc and the Epstein-Barr virus is still quite active but I think I'll start feeling better with the lower stress soon.
Right now I'm just trying to work out a routine to get things done around the house without over doing it after work. So far, so good! Even though it was nice having dinner ready when I got home, I'm enjoying eating more fresh veggies and salads again. And The pups have already adjusted, so things are on the upswing!
I hope you are feeling better and better as well.