Hi there butterfli. I'm so sorry you are struggling with feelings of guilt.As a long term sufferer of cfs I can fully relate to this.It is an issue that I constantly struggle with and need to overcome myself. I believe acceptance and self love is the key here.You did the best you could and what an incredibly difficult situation to be in.To suffer with this terrible debilitating illness and at the same time to have the responsibility of taking care of your young disadvantaged child.I really feel for you.So here and now is the only reality and the past cannot be changed .You have already organized professional help and I congratulate you on a job well done there..It is never too late and children can learn and develop in leaps and bound.You are also working with your son daily and that is very positive.The potty training is certainly achievable and it's time to start on that now.The good old glorification process never fails to work with potty training and kids.
Please don't beat yourself up.Your son is alive, protected ,and most importantly loved by you. You are a devoted mother . Do not compare your life to others or their achievements with their families.You are doing your best, no matter what the pace has been , still it is your best.Let go of this guilt and focus on the positives from today onwards.Today I met 5 beautiful young children who had lost their parents.They have been separated from each other and placed in foster homes and I could see and feel their broken hearts.They get to spend a day together once a month.I bought them all an icecream because there wasn't anything else I could do.I felt like bringing them all home with me but I spend the majority of my life crashed with cfs .Your son is fortunate to have you.Learn to love yourself and as I already said, release any guilt, it doesn't belong with you.All love and peace to you.

Hi, sweetheart. Listen, I hear you. My youngest has sensory issues and anxiety. I often feel like I could have done more for her if I didn't have CFS. One day I was going to sit on the floor by the bathtub to help her bathe and she covered her eyes and said, "I don't want to see the pain." She knew I would be in terrible pain getting down there. Ouch! It hurts our hearts when our dear babies suffer along with us, but here is the thing that I have been trying to remember. If I had cancer, would I fault myself for not being able to do as much for my kids? I would still feel bad for them that they had to suffer, but I wouldn't fault myself. I would set the blame for the evil in this world squarely where it belongs. Where the blame lies for evil depends on your belief system, but wherever it lies, it is not on you. Is it your fault that you have a disease that makes things harder for you? I believe with all my heart that you have always done your best. I'm a mom. I know what it is to give every ounce of strength left in your body and fall lifeless into the bed. You have always given the best of you. Like Aussiedi said, you can't change the past. All you have is now. I'm glad you have some people helping out now. I babysat a girl who was almost 5 and was not potty trained. I tried to encourage her to make it to the potty, but sometimes she didn't. I just tried to avoid shame as a motivator. Maybe ask for some advice or help from your doctor just to make sure there is not trouble with his little muscles down there that he can't hold it.

One other thought I have is this. Sometimes what we think is guilt is really shame and shame is a toxic emotion. Guilt says, "I missed the mark. I did something wrong." Shame says, "There's something wrong with me." Do you see the difference there? One is about behavior and the other is about identity. I don't know if you have a trusted friend or a pastor or someone you could talk to, but I know talking to someone who always accepts me and never makes me feel like I'm not enough has helped me to get rid of a lot of shame. We're on your side. Just sit quietly for a while with the thought, "I am enough." Lots of love to you.

{{{HUGZ}}} Butterflii

You have been given some wonderful advice so far. The only thing I want to say, is "Give yourself a break." We have an illness that requires extraordinary amounts of strength to live thru. Just to make it thru a day is awesome and the fact that you also care for a toddler & keep a house way beyond. I consider it a successful day if I can cook an edible meal and then actually clean-up before I crawl into bed.

So give yourself a hug for me and put a smile on that beautiful strong face you have.

Things have a way of working themselves out, just keep on doing what you can when you can & the rest will just have to take care of itself.

{{{HUGZ}}} SpaceGirl

You did the best you could at the time. Think of how if it were someone else you wouldn't be blaming it on them.

This sounds similar to my son. Get him tested for autism. Sometimes you can get this free through the school district. It is better evaluated if you get a dr. referral, if you can afford that.

It would be good to get into contact with the school district. Then they can set up an IEP (individual education plan) before kindergarten and get him in the most helpful class available. Plus that leaves you extra time to observe a class. I say start now because with cfs it helps to take your time and not have to schedule everything at once. Or maybe just make a goal of setting up appointments to begin in January.

If your school district doesn't do IEP's, they probably have something similar. Here that is what is assigned to every special needs child.

Not every school district handles autistic children well. There have been cases where very young autistics where abused by teachers and staff in our local school system. A local parent even had to sue the school district to get them to provide proper care for her child.

There are still teachers and others in the educational field who believe in punishing autistic children to force them not to have temper tantrums. I've heard of cases locally where they put the children in equipment cages in the basement which housed electrical circuit-breaker boxes, locked them in cabinets, and so on.

Needless to say, these tactics didn't work and it left the children badly traumatized.

I have issues with the guilt syndrome that comes with chronic illness too. I often catch myself being self-hating for the things I didn't keep up while I was sick, the careers I lost, the relationships where my partners left me because I was too lazy and slept too much.

I make a lot of stupid mistakes now with my household maintenance work and then get angry with myself for it. It's hard to forgive yourself when things really get into a tangle because your brain was fogged. Some things you can't just go back and fix once you've messed them up. It's hard to accept things like that and know they're just going to keep happening. It can really hurt sometimes if you're someone who always took pride in doing a good job.

That makes me feel sick. Given what Richie said, observing in a classroom is an excellent first step. Along with interviewing the teacher, including key questions like how they handle different types of behavior.

There are laws about that kind of thing, but damage is done by the time it's enforced.

It is hard when you feel guilty about this stuff... In the end, none of chose to get chronic fatigue syndrome or to continue to have it. It's bad enough that other people judge me for this. I try very hard to not be hard on myself for things I have no control over and am therefore not at fault.

And sometimes you just need to here it from someone else. So here goes. It's not your fault. This doesn't make you a bad mom.

Thank you everyone for your kind words! I am feeling so much better now. And even in the last week, my son has shown so much improvement. His speech is really coming a long and we even sat on the potty a few times! He wears underwear over his diaper every day now. Before, I couldn't even get him to wear underwear! So lots of growth for me and him. Also, when I was getting help for him, it wasn't through the school district; it was through the county. But observing a class is a great idea!

I should also mention that I have an almost 10 year old daughter as well. She possibly has ADHD or sensory processing disorder.

Thank you again for all your support! It really has helped me!

Shame vs guilt : Guilt is about what you've done. Shame is about who /what you are.

Webeat ourselves up so badly with guilt and shame, that only an all -loving, all -forgiving God, who made us and sacrificed for us, could heal us. Love, and understanding, however, go a long way.