I personally believe that this illness doesn't define me... or you! I probably wouldn't mention much about it on the first date, unless there was something specific in your health that would affect the first date. I think a first date is more of a meet and greet type situation. Later on, it will come up naturally, but I don't think you necessarily need to give a lot of information until you are more comfortable in the situation. I think it's more important to see if your potential partner is a nice, honest person that you can get along with first :)

Yeah, I have not been in this situation for some time since I've been married for 17 years, but I wouldn't wait too long before telling him. Maybe the first date can be a trial just to see if you are compatible, but after that, you might start getting attached and it would be best to get it out in the open. I agree with Bluebonnet that it doesn't define you, but it is a significant issue in your life and any potential partner would have to be aware of it and willing to understand your limitations are physical. You are not lazy or just depressed. I wish you the best of luck. I hope you find a good one. Much love.

Thanks for the post Luna, I don't feel you need to apologize for
being able to go out. There are different degrees of this illness
and some people are just more active. They still have to deal
with the impact in one form or another.
Every now and then, I get a reply from someone on the
site which I'm on. Then, I ask myself the same questions.
I know what you mean about not wanting to waste
someone's time. I do feel the reality is that it does take some
time and effort no matter what to get to know someone even
under the best of circumstances.
If you're all concerned about the illness, then
you're barely able to relax and enjoy yourself.
So. I go and see how it feels. Is he someone
I'd want to see again. Then, if he is, just use your
judgement or common sense. Does he want to see you?
One time, when I was on the second date,
I 'told my story' and the fellow came back with a similar
illness. He had also had a heart attack. (I'm a lot older
than you, but still) He didn't bat an eye. So. You
never know. Good wishes with this.

As a guy, I'd recommend telling them pretty quick. It's best getting it out there. I met my girlfriend on match and I tried for 2 years to always push more than my body could handle with painkillers and stimulants to make that work. It ended up causing a ton of drama and we are now not seeing each other. I'd just present it as honestly as you can on the second or third date if you have a good first date. I think the RIGHT TYPE of guy will know if they are interested pretty quick. No advice about the rescuer kind of guy. Haha. I don't have much experience with those. Good Luck!

Hi Luna, I hope you've found some help here. I met my husband 17 years ago and told him right away. We were older, I was 39 and he was 45, and all our kids were grown. I let him know my energy would carry day to day and year to year, etc, and later helped him understand I might be permanently disabled. He's always been the type to be of service, he was a firefighter for 20 yrs as a volunteer, so maybe that makes him the rescuer type, but honestly isn't that just what we need? Isn't the best possible partner for us the giving take care of us type? I've heard this kind if relationship called co dependent...I call it love. One other thought. There is absolutely no guarantee in anyone's life they won't end up disabled. The only difference for you and anyone you date is that you have limits now. They can't know if they will have them later, so in a way we all take a chance on living with and loving someone......

*energy would VARY...

great replies, i am in the same boat. so let me know how it goes :o)

Hi, this is an issue for me as well. I feel like I have to tell people up front, so when I need to cancel, or don't have the energy to go out, they will be prepared.

I have lost many friends in the 7 years since I was diagnosed. I was always very lucky to have many warm and caring friends, but over time, when I canceled plan after plan, they have given up. They are great people, I just happen to have been friends with very busy people. I do understand that if a friend has a day where they aren't on call, for example, and I mess that day up, it gets old after a while.

I'm trying to make some new friends, or find a nice guy. I have always been an extrovert, and the isolation is killing me.
Even meeting a potential new friend, one of the very first questions is, "where do you work?". I haven't been able to work since I went on a leave of absence from my job with a case of mono, and it is very shameful to me. Prior to CFS, I was super active in all areas of my life.
Telling someone from the get-go that I don't work brings up everything...so, if you don't work, and are trying to meet new people for dating or friends, how do you answer that question?

Good luck, Luna. Although I am older, I totally understand.