Welcome back to the Church, and you can be proud of the fact that you never wished ill on someone. That is a good thing that you've managed to avoid a bad behavior. All of the signs seem to point to terrible things coming our way, so it's good to be on the right side of the Savior. I'm sure He and the angels are wildly joyful at your return. Welcome back to sanity...not satan. : )

Bump up to to the top for more people to meet you!

When I did get my scorpion stinger out and wish ill will though I was very hurt. I was abused by one of them and cheated on by another--I have not told anyone that I hoped something bad would happen to them--one of those people is dead and I cannot ever appologize and the other person cannot rape or molest anyone ever again because they cannot move their waist--I know neither of them will be able to hurt me anymore but wishing them ill is something someone evil would do. So I do not know how to make ammends.

Well I have not told anyone right with God.

You can not make amends to those who are passed. The Lord will forgive the Sin , 1 John 1 vs-9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and Just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Those who do us harm, cause wounds that take time to heal. My prayers are with you.

I know if I make ammends to my cousin--he will remember me wishing him ill and equate that with what happened to him--but it is not like I was the one that told him to go cliff jumping without testing how deep the water was or what was underneath it. His mistake is his fault--I do not know if I should look at his accident as Karma or because of what I said. But either way his family doesn't believe he raped me he forced sex against my will because he denied it--it wasn't till after he did it to other women that my female cousin speculated that I probably was telling the truth. So either way if I bring up my ill will at the time I was wronged--I'm screwed so
I do not know how to make ammends.

Karma is not in Christianity. That is Buddhism and Hinduism. And despite what you read, it has nothing to do with this life, but how you will be reincarnated in the next life. The Bible says:

"And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, 28 so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him." Hebrews 9:27-28

You are not responsible for the actions of others, no matter what you did. They are responsible to God, just as you are. If you have confessed your sins, then God has wiped them clean, as he promised he would through the death and resurrection of Christ.

And welcome to the group, and I am so happy to hear you have returned to God. My advice is to get a good modern translation of the Bible, such as ESV or NIV and start to read it daily. Also pray before and after your read. The Bible is our daily food, and reading brings us closer to God. Prayer is also a way to hear from God, and to put your requests before him. God bless.