Thank you for sharing your belief and struggle. I have suffered from severe chronic depression for longer than I care to remember. The struggle has become part of who I am. The Lord has shown is loving wonderful strength in that struggle. Everyday I wake up becomes a blessing, because He carries me on. There is more than physical healing in a healing. The most important thing is spiritual healing. That means when you have run your race you will be healed in all manner. We forget that spiritual healing is of the most importance. You have that in The Lord Jesus Christ. That is a most precious gift. We are truly blessed with that and healed by that. Miracles do happen, as well as physical healing, but don't forget that you are spiritual healed. The Lord Jesus carries us. I pray that this was of help. Thank you and God Bless. My apologies if this wasn't much help.

I guess for me I just don’t understand being Spiritually healed verses Physically healed. If God heals you shouldn’t you see it or feel it atleast? I feel like I’m doubting him and questioning healing and I just want answers and I’ve looked up so many things online on he subject esp diseases and how diseases have spiritual roots and even generational curses, in my dads side of the family auto immune disease is common. So I’ve prayed and asked God to help me with that and be able to really dig deep into why I’m suffering and have this disease and is there any sin I haven’t confessed or know about.

That is a very fair question. I do apologize for not explaining things better. Spiritual healing is letting The Lord Jesus into your life, and by that The Holy Spirit can enter you. He gives you peace, calm, and greater understanding. Genetics are real. A family history of a disease will lead to that disease being more likely. We still live in this world, but we are not of this world. What you feel is that if your faith was strong enough, then you would be healed (move mountains). That if that faith is wrong, then why believe at all. Faith is believing with doubts all around. I have felt The Lord in my suffering as He comforts me when it feels unbearable. That feeling does make faith easier. Not all answers are the exact ones that we seek. The mystery of The Lord is that He gives us exactly what we need, even when we don't see or feel it. That still small voice is easy to miss. I suffer pretty much everyday. It isn't lack of faith or a punishment for sinning. I can be healed by a miracle, but it is The Lord's Way and I follow. It means that He must carry me more and that I need Him more everyday. I think that is why I still have my illness. It brings me always closer to The Lord Jesus. I know every minute without Him, I suffer more. Say it is freezing outside and you forget your coat. You know it very quickly that you forgot your coat. This world is suffering, but we have One who with give us peace and calm in that suffering as He carries us on. The person who is going through the suffering with ever stronger faith becomes a testimony to others. That is saving their lives by proxy. I pray for your physical healing, but if His plan is different, then know that He is carrying you to something greater. I hope that things got explained better and that it helps. My apologies if still not explained very well. Thank you and God Bless.

Ok, I’m starting to understand a little bit, but not really if that makes any sense. I want to truly grasp the concept and how Jesus goes about healing people and that even in suffering he’s still carrying us on. I guess for me I’m a visual person, if I don’t see it I don’t get it/believe it, it’s hard for me to understand really. Even in my prayer time It’s hard for me to hear from God and then reading scripture I’m like how does this even pertain to me, I can’t look past the text and read between the lines. I’m just bitter and angry at God and my faith is non existent at this point and depression is a real thing,l. My depression comes and goes and its difficult for me to press through and see Jesus in This dark place.
I know you’re not a counselor or anything but just having you respond with what you know and trying to shed some light does help. I just have so many questions and doubts about Jesus that I don’t know where else to turn to for answers and help without being a burden or feeling embarrassed by people I know and am involved with at church.

Thank you. You are a blessing to me in knowing that I have been of some help. Faith is a difficult thing. Knowing without seeing, feeling, or hearing seems illogical. That is why it is great. You are doing the right things in praying, reading your Bible, and seeking answers. That should always be applauded. The race is a very difficult one, but The Finish Line is more than worth it. I just want you to know that you might be going through these tough times not out of sin, but to strengthen your faith. No better place to be then closer to The Lord Jesus. You can see Jesus in those that try to help you. I am here in more ways than one because of Him. I am not divine, but His Love works through others. The Bible is all about us. Good to look at the whole Bible through the Jesus-lense. Understanding that the Truth is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow, and forever. I also think that The Lord sent you, so I can share from my heart and feel better. Thank you for that. The fact that you are searching means that you still have faith. Keep watering it with prayer and scripture and it will grow strong. Only God knows all the answers, but we can follow Him knowing it is to be with The Answer. It is amazing to know that the early Christians that hadn't seen The Lord Jesus face to face took torture from Roman's like Nero and still didn't lose faith. A human torch doesn't sound pleasant. Their faith and sacrifice toppled an Empire and spread The Word to the globe. Some did abuse that, but The Word was spread. You are definitely in my prayers. The Lord loves you more than is humanly possible. That love can guide to greater understanding. No shame here, and you have nothing to be shameful about. Keep asking questions, as I truly enjoy receiving the answers that is actually shared to me and you and whoever might read this. Definitely God Bless, as you have been a blessing to me.

No thank you! Even with all my questions and uncertainty, you’re still able to be blessed my me and I’m glad, to be able to be blessing all while you’re also blessing me.
I could go on forever too lol. But I would have to tell you what’s been going on from the beginning in order to really shed some light. A friend of mine on Sunday at church told me that during worship God had spoken to her about me and how I’m like a snake, so she was taken back when God mentioned snake and then he said not a snake but that I need to shed skin like a snake does. So she googled the process and snakes shed their skin in order to remove parasites that they have gotten and for growth. So when she was telling me she was like all she could think of after was that the parasite is like my auto immune disease and that God wants to move in me and grow in my life. That I need to shed some skin. So I googled the snake process and even spiritual growth and I’m terrified of where God is going to take me. Even with that little word spoken over me from my friend, fear is big. Fear is a big issue for me and I can’t get over it, it’s so deeply rooted in me that I dont want to go there with God and see what the issues are. My hair has been falling out like crazy too, I thankfully don’t have any bald spots, but the stress and everything I’ve been going through the past few months is effecting my hair! Everything around me even this book I started reading with a group of girls from my church is leading to growth and it’s even caused a rift between me and my family, we’re not on speaking terms and I’m incredibly upset about it and it’s like I have so much negative and bad things happening that I don’t see God or his goodness in this, only suffering.

You are indeed a blessing and a source of inspiration. You are seeking answers, and that means you still have faith. Faith against the odds is very inspiring. I appreciate the very kind words too. Thank you. Dreams can have many meanings. Easy to get sidetracked by the mention of a snake. They are normally the symbol of evil, because of the Garden of Eden and many being deadly venomous. Just from reading your last reply, it kind of makes sense. Snakes do shed their skin. It seems that you are skinned in fear. Fear is a very human thing. No reason to feel ashamed. It becomes a problem when it starts to negatively affect our lives. The stress from your fear is doing that very thing. I think that God wants to be closer to you and you to Him. He wants your fear to shed it off you. He wants you to find that calmness and peace that The Holy Spirit brings. Often I find myself begging for help repeatedly from God. Minutes to hours, but He always answers by helping me. A struggle is another word for a fight. We fight against the evil that wants us to either fight alone or quit the fight altogether. That evil wants us covered in a deep fear so that we give up. God can peel that skin away. Life is always made harder when living in fear. Don't be ashamed by the fear. Just go to The Skinner. I have learned this through many years of suffering, but without that suffering I wouldn't have a greater understanding. In that, I am thankful for the suffering. As you change more into His Glory, others will know the change. It can be off putting to them. Remember that this isn't our home. We are strangers here, but we must be respectful to all. Helping others find life is the greatest purpose of all and a wonderful reason to live. Never be ashamed of doing nothing wrong. Sometimes family can understand given time. If not, then just be respectful around them. You have The Source Of Love to carry you on. Thank you for letting me share again. It does greatly help me. I pray that it helps you more. God Bless to a blessing.

Sorry I didn't see this earlier!

First, in no place did Jesus heal everyone. Sometimes one person only. Surely there were others who were sick?

Second, I believe Jenn, you have encountered the teachings of the Word Faith movement, which basically is a heresy. Did Jesus heal all his followers? No, and it wasn't because of their lack of faith.

Jesus is the one who gives us faith. And he gives us the right amount!

"For by the grace given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think. Instead, think sensibly, as God has distributed a measure of faith to each one." Romans 12:3 HCSB


Here are a few articles to read on this. I have also written a lot, going into the Greek to show how wrong the Word Faith people are! I can post that, if you want! Although it is long!

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/god-has-allotted-to-each-a-measure-of-faith

https://www.gotquestions.org/where-does-faith-come-from.html

In addition, I should mention that I am physically disabled by Rheumatoid Arthritis, for 20 years now. I have something very wrong with my knee, right now, I can't even walk, probably from all the damage.

Part of my testimony, is that when I first got sick, I had some Word Faith friends who were blaming me for not being healed. They prayed for me, and I was not healed. Except for the person praying who should be blamed for not healing. James is very clear about that!

"Is anyone among you sick? He should call for the elders of the church, and they should pray over him after anointing him with olive oil in the name of the Lord. 15 The prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will restore him to health; if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven." James 5:14-15

So, I was not healed and I got extremely depressed, I was bed ridden for 5 years. Eventually, I quit reading my Bible and going to church. LIke Hezekiah, I turned my face to the wall, and shut God out of my life! But he did not shut me off from him. He kept telling me to read the Psalms. So, finally, I started reading 5 psalms a day, which I did for 2 years. That is all 150 psalms, once a month.

It was very intensive, but God showed me people who were hurting, sick, persecuted, angry, depressed, and some were not healed. But guess what? They praised God anyway!

"Why am I so depressed?
Why this turmoil within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him,
my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:5 HCSB

Eventually, God called me to seminary, and I am now a pastor at large, including being the founder of this group. I counsel and pray with people who are hurting and depressed.

As for the 2 friends who almost destroyed my faith? Well, one got breast cancer, and claimed healing. She died about a year later, when the cancer spread, because she refused treatment, because "God had healed her!" How tragic! The other person almost died of an enlarged prostate. A non-Word Faith friend found him on the floor of his home, and rushed him to the hospital, where they operated. He is doing fine, with yearly check ups. And he now realizes God uses doctors and medicine! He prays for me, but he no longer harasses me or blames me. And he sees quite a difference in me!

God has showed me so many amazing things, particularly about suffering. He has shown me that God uses suffering to shape our character. I was a very vain, selfish, ambitious person before I got sick. Sickness humbled me, and that was a very good thing!

"More than that, we rejoice in our suffering, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. And hope does not disappoint, because God's love has been poured out by the Holy Spirit who has been given to you." Romans 5:3-5

My suggestion would be that your throw those books with false teaching about healing out. Read the Bible through, over and over. If you read 3 chapters of the OT and one of the NT daily, you will get through the Bible in a year. I have been doing that for 37 years, since I was saved. I have also studied it in seminary, and in Greek and Hebrew. Start to see the verses in context. That means, if you find a verse on healing, what was the circumstance? When did it happen? What was the purpose? Usually, healing came from the compassion of Jesus, but also that God would be glorified, as the blind man was in John 10.

Thank you, MarleneJ for being a blessing to many, not just me through this group. I think the main point is that God wants to be with you through all your problems and struggles, not just to remove one. Healing is possible, but Love is definite. He carries us when we are afraid to walk too. Keep in your prayers and scripture and you will find the answers. God Bless.

I totally get what you both mean, but is it selfish or wrong of me to just want to be healed in order for. Me to trust God? Like how Can I submit and trust God fully if I want healin and he won’t heal me

Jenn, it is not selfish, but self-centred! Of course, I would like to be healed! And I haven't given up hope! Anyone sick wants to be healed! And one day, I WILL be healed! The day I see Jesus face to face! I can hardly wait for that day.

The whole thing about submission, is that it is voluntary. In other words, God can't demand it of you. And right now, you are not submissive to God's will. To me, that means being out of fellowship with God. And that is not where any of us want to be! We want to walk closely with Christ.

Of course, at 29, you wanted to be healed and live a normal life! But, is that what God wants? Is that God's best for your life? It was certainly not God's will for me to be healed! And every time something new happens to make me worse, it gives me the opportunity to submit my will to God again.

We really need to follow Jesus in this! What did he say in the Garden of Gethsemane, the night before he was crucified?

"“Father,” he said, “if you will, take this cup of suffering away from me. Not my will, however, but your will be done.” Luke 22:42

Can you say that to the Father? Because, if you cannot, you are not trusting God, and you are out of fellowship with him. Nothing in this world should ever be more important than the will of God in our lives! Not healing, not wealth, not jobs or spouses or family! Jesus said that himself. His words sound harsh, but he is using a metaphor to point out how we need to follow Jesus, and put him first.

"“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, and even his own life—he cannot be My disciple. 27 Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple." Luke 14:26-27

I hope you will continue to discuss this with us. You have a right to your feelings, but, there comes a point when you really have to give everything to God. And not giving to get healing, but giving up completely, and surrendering yourself to God.

" But He gives greater grace. Therefore He says:
God resists the proud,
but gives grace to the humble.
7 Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you" James 4:6-8a

Finally, I want to give you a passage God gave me when I was just coming out of my incredibly angry, mad at God phase, when I began to realize that God might not ever heal me, but he had a better plan. I memorized it and used it to meditate on. In the morning for half an hour, I would say it slowly over and over as a prayer to God. And he gradually dealt with each word in the verses, and it really did help me trust God completely. It healed my spirit, in incredible ways! I still say it at night before I go to sleep, and it gives me great comfort, to know that I can totally trust the sovereign God of the universe, no matter what comes my way.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding,
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths." Prov. 3:5-6

That is the battle of faith. Would you tell your parents: "If you don't buy me a new car, then I will disown you because you don't love me enough." God is Our Heavenly Father after all. We are His children. Children learn when seeking proper instruction. That instruction is in His Word. The Lord Jesus lead the perfect example of the godly life. Even in His time of suffering, He showed us The Way. Like MarleneJ very well referenced in
Luke 22:42-44 :
42. saying, "Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done."
43. Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him.
44: And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

The Lord can heal, but must remember that it is His will and not ours. Some when healed do forget about The Healer. Our struggle can make us pray more earnestly. I take the struggle over struggle free and forgetting The Lord. To be in a place where one can be healed and not forget, must be faithful even at the thought of not being healed. Your life is more valuable then the cure of one illness. I pray this helps. You have both been a blessing to me. MarleneJ explains things much better than I. I am surprised by my lack of typos. lol God Bless.

I’m trying to understand what you’re both saying, I really am and the more I think about it, the more fearful I am. I’m 29 and married with 2 boys, a 4 year old soon to be 5 in Jan and an 19 month old and it kills me inside to think of I die that I won’t be able to watch them grow up and be apart of their life’s and even leaving my husband and family. I want to be healed and healthy to be with them. Death terrifies me, the idea of dying and not knowing what will happen to my family or even me terrifies me. I worry if I’m obeying God in all that I do and not sinning, because if I die then will I go to heaven? Like am I doing everything that I can to earn my place in heaven with Jesus? In my mind I’m like when Jesus returns that’s when I’ll go to heaven, but I can’t/don’t see myself dying and leaving everyone behind and it knowing if I’ll be in heaven or not. I can’t be the only person that thinks this way or has thought this way and it’s because I’m literally crippled by fear. My spiritual life and growth in Jesus can not grow beCause I don’t know how or can let go and trust him and the whole faith thing I don’t even know what faith really truly means and I don’t know how I can have faith in something that I’ve never seen or know if it’ll happen or can happen. I’ve seen lots of miracles happen to people or heard of God doing things for people but can he really do it for ME? Someone who doubts and just wants proof and answers. It’s totally normal I’m sure, but this is the part where again FEAR and esp doubt creep in and at this point it’s so much that I don’t even know where to begin to alllow change to occur because again I’ have fear of what it may look like or entail. I know God gives us the desires of our hearts and my desire it to be healed and not have an auto immune disease and and be sick and have it cripple me with anxiety, fear and depression. I don’t ask God for a lot, I don’t want a lot, but I just picture my life differently then what it is and the life I picture is pleasing to God I feel. I want to be in his will, but I just don’t understand or know why his will wouldn’t be for me to be healed . Doesnt the Bible say that it’s Gods will for us to be in perfect health?

I know that at some point I will get over this, I will overcome this obstacle in my walk with Jesus, but i also can’t do it alone and he never intended for us to go at it alone. Which is why he created community and fellowship which I feel like we’re getting to and becoming. I’m also very new to having a relationship with Jesus, although I’ve been in church all my life, I was never discipled or taught that it was more then just going to church and being called a Christian. It’s been a little over a year and I’m still growing or tying to allow growth and trust in God to happen. And like you mentioned Marlene it’s all about submitting to the will of God and I want to, because he obviously knows what’s best for me, but Can I trust that that is what’s truly best for me, which is my flesh being selfish in this aspect, BUT with God he doesnt reveal the big picture, it’s like Imyou have to take step by step and then eventually you’ll get somewhere or something. If that makes sense ?