Norske, We took our ED out of the will, also. If the relationship is truly restored it can always be changed. We did include the paragraph explaining that it was not an oversight.

I so AMEN with your true statement. "The Bible is clear about children honoring their parents."

Thanks Norske.....I have not been on much the past few days....had food poisining from some canned chili. Stomach still a bit queezy.

This is truly sad for us parents who love our kids in spite of their deplorable behavior but, as you say, it is Biblical not to reward those who disregard God's commandments to the degree that some of our EK's have and for such frivolous reasons that they use to justify their actions. To give such generous GIFTS to anyone who feels that they are "entitled" to it would only be reinforcing their sense of entitlement for anything they felt was their "due."

For me, it is not done in anger, revenge or punishment. It is done because God says not to reward evil.

On a minor, but similar situation, I was a waitress before I got married. We got good at our job because we knew that our tips were based on performance and courtesy shown to our customers. If we did not, we were "stiffed." Not so today, I actually had clearly poor service from a waitress once, along with a bad attitude, and because of it I left her nothing. She noticed it and said something "snarky" to me and so I told her why I left nothing. She let me know that I was "supposed" to tip her regardless of her poor service. That girl needed a "life lesson" but it does show how this generation believes that the word "accountability" is now archaic and an ancient thought generated by the Baby Boomer generation.

That waitress re-enforced what we all know - our young adults have this "entitlement" about them. I believe it is our job to teach them there is no entitlement in this world. I am so glad you explained to her the reason for no tip. Perhaps she will reflect on your comment later in life when someone treats her the same way.

Hope you are feeling better Guelsmom. I missed you. There is absolutely no accountability in our EC. I have the need to add another word. There is no gracefulness in them either. Actions speak louder than their words.

You might check out living trusts. Everything we own is in a living trust. It is a separate entity I control and my husband controls his. The trust bequeaths things to people/organizations at death. it can buy and sell during your life time.

If you have everything in the trust and exclude your AC, so be it. Then you can give them $1 or so in the will and tell them why. (as if they did not know) and show that it is Intentional. You have to name your children and acknowledge your children so it cannot be construed as an oversight.

I do not have much monetarily, but do have several collectible items and other personal items of mine and their Dad's. I continue to be torn about excluding them. No matter what has happened they are my daughters and my love for them continues. Not sure I will be able to exclude them. Not sure about the intent of the biblical reference. I will seek God's direction for me through prayer.

I have really been contemplating this for a few years now. I am torn between whether I would be doing so (omitting her from my will)) as an act of vengeance? Is that a terrible legacy? Does she deserve anything? At this point and after all the contempt she has shown me absolutely not. I want to make sure my grandson is my heir but I am afraid if something was to happen to me before he is of age she would contest and manipulate to make sure she got anything she could. How awful that we as parents would have to even consider this? Another sleepless night my heart aches for my grandson I so hope he doesn;t think I care enough to at least try to help him,. God help us all, this is such a hideous situation to have to deal with. I can literally picture my daughter laughing and bragging about how happy she is I am dead, I do think she wishes me dead. It breaks my heart.

We are undecided at this moment. My ED has a history of "in-and-out" estrangement. We never know when she will make up her mind so I think for now, we seem to be leaning toward letting it be until one of us goes and then decide where she is at that time.

However, if she remains estranged for years and then only returns "to get back into our good graces" when we are in our 70's or 80's, then there is going to be suspicion about her reasons for dropping in again.

caneglect - I would suggest setting up a trust for your grandson. Our neighbor's father did that for his grandchildren. The money by-passed him and was in trusts for the kids, which they received when they were age 30. In today's world, I would set the age at 35.

We decided to do the Intentional Exclusion in the case that my DH and I were killed in a car accident or something that took us together. We know we can always add a codicil to our wills to include our ES if we ever feel he honestly has a change of heart for God and us.

Norske....I don't know a lot about trusts. Doesn't a lawyer get a fee for handling the trust? If you had a trust, and you and your DH were suddenly deceased tomorrow, and the age of receiving the trust was set at age 35 and they were only 25 when you were deceased, then would the lawyer be able to withdraw and "handling fees" for that 10 year period?

DoverFox - if your ED seems to stay distant and uncaring, you can always do designations, i.e. leave a certain amount of money for her and the balance of the estate to be divided equally between your other two children, or make it divided by percentages, i.e., I leave 20% of my estate to ED. The remaining 80% I leave to D and S, to be divided equally between D and S. Then D and S will each get twice as much as ED.

Just some suggestions. I personally do not reward misbehavior toward God and my DH and me.

You can have anyone be the trustee of your trusts. Even your bank. You could check with your financial advisor and/or tax preparer first, then I believe you would have to see a lawyer for preparation.

Dover, in a living trust you control it. The lawyer just sets it up. You move your house, your car, your anything, into the trust. If you die, your living trust becomes an irrevocable trust. In the Living Trust you name the institution (not a lawyer) who will control the trust. Banks and Brokerage houses have trust departments that do this sort of thing. It is quite easy. In other words, you individually, own nothing but maybe a checking account.

The law looks at a trust as a separate entity. They usually are not challenged in court.

wearyofitall - thanks for the clear explanation of a living trust. I have a couple questions.

1) how does it affect taxes, both while you are alive and after your death on whoever you name to inherit?

2) if you own nothing, what if you need to go into a nursing home? Does the nursing home get aid from whoever is in control of your trust and does the bank get paid to control your trust?

3) what is the benefit of a living trust versus leaving your money just in an IRA that you can withdraw on and keeping your home in your own name?

Thanks.

After much consideration and contemplation, I am going to have my financial advisor change the beneficiary of my assets to my grandson (I am going to bypass my daughter completely unless there is a radical change (which I do not see forthcoming although I do pray she does find some peace and joy sometime in her life.) I am going to designate trustees for my grandson (most likely my best friend and my brother and my cousin (they say to name three just in case especially if they are close in age to you....) I am not sure yet on my life insurance but I think I will change that beneficiary to my fiancee so I can at least ensure I will have some sort of celebration of life. UGH, facing our own mortality is tough enough without these horrendous circumstances, I need to go this right away as tomorrow is never promised, It is so strange but I thought of something my brother-in-law said to me about two years ago when my daughter was displaying her hateful, ingrate self: She is trying to kill you to get your money.......I thought it odd and strange at the time but I actually think he may have been right and I probably should have taken care of it at that time.......PS I am NOT wealthy by any means but have a pension and annuities and a life insurance policy which ARE all currently in my ED's name as beneficiary. Then again, sometimes I just think I will just set aside enough for college for him and spend the rest traveling and enjoying my life:)