CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
I was wondering how many of you here feel that your self-esteem has taken a hard knock due to estrangement?
Despite the very best intentions not to let it show, I look at photographs of myself now compared to when there was still "family" and my eyes are full of sorrow. Unbelievable. My face is telling the story - and so is my husband's.
When I look back on photos when there was no trouble in the family - our eyes were light and smiling and our smiles were full.
I did not even realize this change had taken place on the outside. I know what sadness and grief there has been on the inside. Its amazing.
Still praying and hoping for reconciliation some day - in God's time.
Returned to the workplace after a 6 year absence today - a gift from God despite my ageing bones feeling it - will keep my mind focused on other things - actually quite a miracle how I got this job - was not even looking for one when someone I temped for 10 years ago remembered me and phoned my husband asking if I would like to work.
Despite the very best intentions not to let it show, I look at photographs of myself now compared to when there was still "family" and my eyes are full of sorrow. Unbelievable. My face is telling the story - and so is my husband's.
When I look back on photos when there was no trouble in the family - our eyes were light and smiling and our smiles were full.
I did not even realize this change had taken place on the outside. I know what sadness and grief there has been on the inside. Its amazing.
Still praying and hoping for reconciliation some day - in God's time.
Returned to the workplace after a 6 year absence today - a gift from God despite my ageing bones feeling it - will keep my mind focused on other things - actually quite a miracle how I got this job - was not even looking for one when someone I temped for 10 years ago remembered me and phoned my husband asking if I would like to work.
The world has many inconsistencies, and unfair things going on. I think that evil prospers here in a fallien world. What we see is not what God sees. We see the shadow, He sees the reality. We don't see the His purpose. Life is to test us, we may not see the test. What looks like tragedy today, may be a source of good in time. A happy and content life I don't even trust, because if it was me, I'd never give God a thought. We all need different lives, because our natures are different. What one person would want to turn to God to praise Him about, another person would be pleased with his own accomplishments and material success, and give no credit to God--that would be me of the past, and I lost it all--no surprise to me when I look at the big picture. I deserved to lose it all with that lack of God in my life, even though I loved what Jesus taught, I didn't have a personal relationship with God. We all need custom lives and lessons because of our uniqueness.
Tikva, I agree with Norske, that is beautiful post.
quoting:
...."I know I made a lot of mistakes with my son, and one of them was to make him feel that he was the center of the universe. I made sure that he was a very capable person...."
Yes, we do have very similar lives/exp. as you wrote somewhere else. I did the EXACT same thing with my C!! To correct my childhood deficits, is why I did so much, and so while focusing on certain areas "to correct" from my childhood, I missed things in other areas !! I am sure that my C will do the same with their C. also, what you were not given, you cannot give, no matter how much you'd like to, so certain legacies do get passed on. We gave our kids too much probably and they were disallusioned with the world and with us as parents. We did mean well though. Hopefully God will grade us on motive, not performance.
Even 'together' Christians who are mature (in age) fall in the world. There are snakes and snares everywhere. I hope you have forgiven yourself Tikva, and look to the love you had, not to the oversights. Our children have to learn the hard way, because I think that's the only way most people learn. I realize now that I couldn't create a perfect world that would keep my C from pain, sin, or dabbling in darkness. I guess I had no hostility towards my parents because they weren't vested in me. I was used to nothing, so the real world wasn't too disappointing. And I had little pressure of their expectations. Being greatly vested in a C puts pressure on them, and they have little room to screw up. This my D told me years ago and I realized she was right, and I apologized for it just a few weeks ago in an email.
I have surrendered it to God, as I can't fix another's attitudes, or correct false beliefs (given by a relative) or fix my past errors via regret. I do apologize to the C when I see wrongs i did, becuse it's the right thing to do. I trust the truth coming out in time, love being more powerful than hate, and the good and the love in my C still being in them. Now is just a transitory now. Please forgive yourself if you haven't, you deserve your mother's love too. blessings.
I have to stay off this site, so I can return to work and getting things done! Computer off! :)
Mine has been damaged quite aggressively by this estrangement, however, my self-worth comes from what God thinks of me, not what anyone else does.
I read somewhere, that "it's not my business what others think of me"...but rather, it's my business as a follower of Christ, with God's Holy Spirit dwelling inside of me..that it truly is only my business to consider what God thinks of me, and to forget altogether what anyone else thinks. The world would love to tear us apart..and it will if we let them.
I have respected everyone's sharing. We are truly a beautiful group of believers here. This forum has helped me overcome my tortured self by allowing me into the hearts and thoughts of other hurting parents, and it has helped me to know that what I am going through with my oldest son (ES) is...such as is common to others....We are not alone...we have been encouraging each other, and holding each other up, which is what the Lord wants us to do.
We have our self-esteem in the esteem of God..and He loves us with an everlasting love.
In Jesus,
Maddie
Free will...choices...consequences...
AllK