Hi Butterfleye, I'm new on this site and only been separated from my ED for a couple of months, but I know very well that pit you are in. Please keep in mind that Satan wants you there. Jesus frees us.. Satan holds us captive. I am also guilty of volunteering myself to Satan's dark place when I get attacked or find out that I've been trashed by my flesh and blood. All the wounds open and bleed and I just want relief.
Tell Satan to leave you alone!! Go out and enjoy being free in Christ. He says it is ok to be joyful.

I prayed for you. Thank you for your vulnerability.

Thanks all for the prayers and words of encouragement!

I ended up in the pit because I stopped doing the things that kept my thoughts from landing me there My biggest problem is forming unrealistic expectations of what "should" be instead of holding to expectations that are in line with the realities of living in a sinful world. When I do have realistic expectations, I am prepared mentally, spiritually, and emotionally for the negative things that come my way. I forget all the things the Bible says about what Christians should expect in this world. As Christian parents of ec and perhaps even Christian ec of unbelieving parents ourselves, we forget things like Jesus saying in Matthew 10....."34"Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35"For I came to SET A MAN AGAINST HIS FATHER, AND A DAUGHTER AGAINST HER MOTHER, AND A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AGAINST HER MOTHER-IN-LAW; 36and A MAN'S ENEMIES WILL BE THE MEMBERS OF HIS HOUSEHOLD.

And in Matthew 10

37"He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38"And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39"He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.

How many of us have let our emotions cripple our Christian walk and witness because of the pain of ec? I am guilty. At times, I made my ec idols. I wallowed in the grief when everything came crashing in. How many of us made the love and the Christian raising of our children our lives as if it all depended on us for the end result both in their relationship with us and their walk with God?How many of us STILL believe any of this depends on us to the neglect of our own physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional welfare and consequently, our own walk with God and work for the Kingdom? And when it all fell apart, we got mad at them and at ourselves for sacrificing so much and at God. Guilty again. We feel we have lost our lives because we gave our lives to the Christian raising of our children and the result is that they have either turned against the faith and/or us. In our minds we have lost the life we envisioned for ourselves, for our children, for our relationship with them as adults, and our relationship with our grandchildren. We feel we have lost our lives in this BUT we have been given life through Christ and will live eternally in a place where every tear will be wiped away. Our relationship with Christ and our forever family, our service to the Kingdom should be our focus. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."

I think it would help all of us if before we got out of bed in the morning, before the world makes its demands on our lives, we would meditate on these 100 Bible verses about suffering:

http://www.openbible.info/topics/suffering

Definitely great preparation for the assaults on our minds and thoughts every day! Bring it on!!!!!!

wow ... what you said really resonates with me .....
I was just thinking today that I idolized my grandbabies .... there was no greater joy in my life, not even Jesus. I sometimes wonder if that is why He allowed this in my life .... He is sovereign and He knows and He doesn't need to tell me everything, and I am sure that if He did, I wouldn't 'get it' anyway.... I just need to trust Him.

I know I am closer to Him now ... it has been a painful road and sometimes still is....
I appreciate your posts butterflye....

I appreciate you too butterfleye, you are truly a blessing here. I can so relate to all of what you say. Our problems have been getting worse for over 10 yrs with our EC. It has been a hurtful road to walk. The one thing I do when I get frustrated and confused regarding the whole scene is.....

I remember what God said "Be still and know that I am God"

I have always had a tendency to fuss and fret about a lot of things....for me to "stop and sit still, just let the world swirl around me....get off the merry go round. It really works for me ..... I do deep breathing exercises often. That is not breathing with the chest but fill up all of your lungs until your stomach expands......let it out slow and gradually I start to calm myself and focus on what I can do and try ever so hard to let God do the rest.

Yes, difficulttime, not only would we probably not "get it" but we probably wouldn't be very comforted about the reason. I don't think if Job was told at the time why God was letting satan do all that to him, that Job would have been comforted.

And Bella, you don't know how much your post above has encouraged me! And thanks so much for reminding me about the "breathing" as it really does work if you do it as soon as you feel your thoughts going down those dark paths again. I used to have occasional migraines and as long as I quickly took an aspirin when the symptoms came on, I was able to avert it. The "breathing" works the same way for me when the symptoms of emotional pain begin!

That was such good advice for everyone ...I will remember what you have said and try to hold on to it. Thank you