Oh Butterfly, you are not alone. Not at all. Ever. Your sentiments hit home with me and I'm sure with many others. I also am looking forward immensely, sometimes desperately, to the day the pain ends and there are no more tears. In the meantime, I know that God does give me comfort. He knows exactly what we are going through. If you're still here, He still has plans for you. He still wants you to live and have a life worth living. It would be wonderful if we could all get together and hug each other and express the love we share in our group. But I pray you feel the love from me, from all of us, and from God. Peace and comfort in Jesus' name.
I'm praying for you.

Butterfleye, I feel so badly you are saying these things. Just yesterday you were encouraging us here with scripture and ideas. Please fight the good fight. Nothing we are facing is greater than His power. Praying for you.

Thank you so much for you words of comfort and encouragement, barbyzhere. And I do feel the love you sent I just don't know if I can crawl out of all this this time with another kick poised to let loose on my gut any minute. I know that He has a plan for the rest of my life because I'm still here and that terrifies me. The first plan has been so very painful with little to no comfort save the hope of my salvation, a faithful husband, basic living needs and obligations met, and this support group.I just don't know if that is enough anymore to give me the strength to carry on.

God bless you for your dear words and sentiments!

And lindajoan, I got a severe blow today from an unexpected source which not only shook my faith but cut my mother's heart deeply. This last blow feels as a coup de gras. i just can't seem to rise up anymore, scriptures, prayers, or ideas not-with-standing. i KNOW the Bible says nothing is beyond His power and that just hurts the more because I do not FEEL that power and haven't really since this nightmare started years ago. I have turned to other ways (not sinful) of escaping the pain and now, I just don't seem motivated to do even that much.
But thanks so much for your prayers and words of encouragement. God willing, this too will pass.

Butterfly, ever since I read your post this morning I have been burdened for you. I have experienced many times the despair you've expressed. I know how it feels. It's been enough to trigger panic attacks, which is a kind of hell all it's own. I'm doing better now, all thanks to God and His angels ~ husband and friends who are loving and supportive, both here and in this group. Please do whatever you do to take the edge off the pain. Then wait and see what will happen tomorrow or in the days to come that will help you to sense His peace. I'm bringing you to God numerous times today, reminding Him of your need for His intervention. Hugs.

Knowing you care for me, a sister in Christ, reminds me of the day we will be with our forever family and no more tears (which would have to include no bad memories) or pain or loss. Oh how I wish that were today!

I feel the same way about wanting to go Home, Butterfleye. But God has a plan for us here on earth. We need to "finish the race that is set before us." Understanding your feelings and praying for you , Friend!

Thx orsa, haven't seen you here since I've been a member. I appreciate so much that you popped up to give me some encouragement. Just need that "second wind" to finish the race.

Butterfleye i am so sorry you are feeling so much pain, and we all can relate to you in some way or another. I to have days that i wish i could just stay in bed and not face the world,and somedays i dont want to bothered by people, i wish we all could tell when our pain will end but only God knows and then he will take us home. But until then please keep your head high,mind clear,heart open,and remember we are here for you,I think sometimes i sound like a broken record and hope you all dont get bored with me but we all have been hurt by the ones we have loved. And its strange the friendship we have all made here.We love ya Butterfleye!!!!

Today I did not get to the phone in time..when I looked at the number ...for one minute I thought it was from my son... As the number ended 68 and that is his number. It wasn't from him! I am ok when I am busy and have some company but when I am alone it can all come back in my mind. It is comforting to know I have you all to share my thoughts with. Being divorced it isn't easy on your own with no one to share things with even though I am well used to it after 35 years.

I just want a break from the pain. Seems like every couple of months another bomb drops in my life and this has been going on for YEARS. I have slowly been losing the ability to bounce back with every explosion. I KNOW what to do but I am losing the desire to try anymore. It's such a catch twenty two. You all know what it's like. You know things like a nice walk in a park helps so much but you just can't seem to bring yourself to do it. It's like you're a prisoner of your emotions and the key is right there with you but you can't summon up enough emotional strength to unlock the cell.

You know, I think I just need to get royally angry at all this!!!! Why am I letting people and circumstances hold me emotionally captive!!!!!!! Haven't I suffered enough pain and loss from the hands of other people and circumstances without also being a willing emotional prisoner to my own thoughts and memories?! I need to grab the keys available and get out!!!!! NO NO NO!!!! I've not "fallen" into this pit; my own thoughts have THROWN me into it! It is a smelly, rotten, dark place full of the carcasses of my broken dreams and unmet expectations of people, of life, of God. I just told someone recently on this forum not to stay in that pit and here I am, in my own pit and contemplating staying there because "I don't have the strength to crawl out anymore." Boo hoo Will someone please call the Wambulance?! Okay ladies, my "pit"-y party is officially OVER!

God bless you all for your loving words of support and encouragement. Just knowing someone who understands cares, has given me the ability to crawl out and honestly, I don't think I'll ever be there again; I'm that determined thanks to you all! XX

Staying in God's Word is the only way I know to stand when the 'waves' come....and there is no way I can do it on my own ... only with His help.... Joshua 1: 1-9 is a message of courage.....

Remember, the devil is a liar and seeks to destroy us ....

Ephesians 6:10-18English Standard Version (ESV)

The Whole Armor of God
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,

God bless you .... I fall down often but He is always faithful to pick me up and He will pick you up too .... HUGS

Also, I like this little saying and it helps remind me ... it goes like this:

Glance at your circumstances, but Stare at Jesus ....

Keeping our focus on Him really helps me ....

When we can not walk and our strength is all gone He will carry us. His grace is sufficient.

God has a purpose for all of us who are still here on earth.

Understand every word you have written. We are all hurting ...that is true. It is hard to stop the emotional feeling and memories. Love is a powerful emotion and we love our children. I struggle with rejection. My sisters have rejected me, nephews and nieces ...not in touch with any family member at all. Friends let you down. People come and go in your life. I am very loyal and really struggle to cope with all that has happened in my life. Divorce, people being unkind.... It is a lonely road. You get to the point where you can't hurt anymore. I try my best and value the few friends I have.. I just try and take one day at a time and keep going. I know I have done my best and never wanted any of this. The Lord knows our pain. Give your burdens to him. It's too much for us to deal with. Bless all of you.