I see nothing wrong with texting him and just plain and simply telling him whats going on. End it with I thought you would want to know. If he has a problem with that, that is his issue. If he doesn't respond, then ask one of the other boys to intervene.

Im sorry about your father and I am so pleased that you are able to turn the other cheek and behave like children should. May God bless you for your kind heart.

gordos....Sorry about your dad and it must be sad for you to see him like this and not really able to know that you are there. Often during the latter years, people who have be SO unkind to others during their lifetime they will realize they will soon be meeting their maker and realize what they have done to others. But, when someone is like that and their minds are not coherent then, there is little reason to even try to carry on an intelligent conversation. My mom was only like that when her meds were off or when she was in the last stages of dementia. For my mom, she kept asking to see my dad who had died 30 years ago.

As far as your ES goes, it is always better to err on the side of caution. I would let him know so that he has nothing to say to you if he should die and you never told him. This way, the onus is on him. You might add to your message....This is just to inform you of his health status. If you wish to see him please do. For further information you can call one of your brothers if necessary. Would love to hear from you if it can be a peaceful time to talk together. Love, Mom (or something like that in your own words)

gordos....Sorry about your dad and it must be sad for you to see him like this and not really able to know that you are there. Often during the latter years, people who have been SO unkind to others during their lifetime will realize they will soon be meeting their maker and acknowledge what they have done to others. But, when someone is like that and their minds are not coherent, then there is little reason to even try to carry on an intelligent conversation. My mom was only like that when her meds were off or when she was in the last stages of dementia. For my mom, she kept asking to see my dad who had died 30 years ago and could not remember that my sister had died several months earlier.

Big HUGS!

As far as your ES goes, it is always better to err on the side of caution. I would let him know so that he has nothing to say to you if he should die and you never told him. This way, the onus is on him. You might add to your message....This is just to inform you of his health status. If you wish to see him please do. For further information you can call one of your brothers if necessary. Would love to hear from you if it can be a peaceful time to talk together. Love, Mom (or something like that in your own words)

Nana and Guels, your life experience and compassion are so valuable to those who are surrounded by trees that keep them from seeing the forest. Gordos, I was watching the game with relatives yesterday and the subject of my now-deceased father came up. They all commented about how cruel he was but tried to say so in a "respectful" way. Please know that you cause God to smile when you do honor to your father in spite of all he has done to you. When my relatives talked about my Dad, I expressed agreement with what they were saying but I did not pile on. It was unspoken but they knew I could have said much more than what they knew. My aunt was there. She knew all about the cruelty, the trips to the hospital, the put-downs because she tried to talk to my father many, many times. When she looked at me and saw that I was trying to stay on the high road, the expression on her face was priceless. I thank God for what He has done in my life and the blessings that He covers us with.

Very sorry to hear about your dad. God bless you for taking the higher road

Each one must pray and do as God leads. In our case, we will not inform our ED when my mother passes. She has had an open invitation to see her sick grandmother and had not in over a year. This is the person she says she loved and as closest to. She must honor her in life or the opportunity is lost.

Lindajoan, I don't understand why she won't be in touch with her ailing grandmother. Does she claim that her grandmother did something to her (your ED) too? It is all so senseless, but yes, we must all take the path where God leads us.

Epic, It is sad for my 93 year old mother. My ED said that her grandmother was the best to her. She saw her once since she left home 2 years ago. She wanted to see her again around the holidays and I wrote a note on the package I sent that Grandma would be blessed to see her. No response since. I believe the current bf and his mother talked her out of contact since mother lives with us. If she does not see her I would not contact her at her passing. I would have to pray for all of God's grace to forgive it.

So sorry to read your post today gordos.
Your father has similar character flaws as my own. He died many years ago of cancer when I was still a young mother. Our oldest son was only 3 and our daughter was still an infant of 18 mths old the year he died. My dad never met our youngest son who came into the world six years beyond dad's passing.
Even though he caused a lot of family grief...I was there at the hospital often to see him and help my mother keep vigil over him during the last month of his life.
The last five years I have been at total peace over the abuse I suffered at my father's hands.
The Lord has truly healed my memories and now I am having to do much the same with my elderly mother. I grieve over the fact she wants nothing to do with me now...yet I forgive her nonetheless.

Prayers to you today. It's never easy to see a parent so sick...
((((hugs)))

I am sorry what aterrible position 2b in but remember the only powerhe has over you is the power you give him. send a text but don't get pulled into his nasty little game. You will be in my prayers. HUGS coming your way Martha

Lindajoan, as much as I hear these accounts, I never understand them. My God, are these young people so important or so proud that they cannot take a few minutes of their life to say hello to those who made their lives possible? I just don't get it and pray that God will work His love in their hearts. Blessings to you and family. We would also love to hear more from sadmad and how she was able to overcome the hurt and anger. Blessings, my friends. --EJ

That is definitely one of the benefits of texting. You cant be pulled into their chaos. I hope he sees it for what it is, just letting him know.

My natural father was an abusive alcoholic and my mother had him out of the home by the time I was about 6 ish. I missed him although I only remember seeing him 3 times in my childhood, not counting the times I saw him abusing my mother. He really was never a father to me. He died from alcoholism when I was a teen. My mother remarried the man I call my dad to this day when I was 11. It was hard. He was always kind to me but my curiosity about my natural father was in the backround. My mother would not allow any discussion of him and removed all pictures. My dear grandmother kept one for me. I don't blame my mother, he was terribly abusive to her.

After my dad died in 1990, I wanted to know more about the natural father and began to research. I found him buried with the family of his first wife, with no marker indicating he was there. It hurt. Only the cemetery records to show he was there. I wanted to put a stone for him. No one should be forgotten. I approached my brothers for help. The Christian brother wanted to but financially could not. The non-Christian has held on to his hatred for the man and would not help. He feels it does a disservice to my dad, the man who raised me and that I grieve for nearly a qtr century after his death.

So he remains unnamed there. I cant force forgiveness. I cant force love. All I can do is forgive as I have and move on. So sad what people block out of their lives, the opportunity to stand up and show that you are different. That Christ has healed you and you can forgive.

There have been wonderful comments to this. Gordos you are in my prayers.

Well, I would want to know if I were him, and how to reach him. These kinds of things sometimes open doors because people realize the precious life they have.

So sorry for your situation with Dad right now and son to top it all off. much prayers and hugs going out to you.

My estranged daughter has already missed one great uncles funeral not to mention how many extended family she could have touched base with and introduced her own kids to...some have never met them as there is a distance physically.

My own parents her grandparents that she loved dearly and spent a lot of time with are in their 80's. None of us are promised another day especially at that age...my mother is heartbroken as this was the first and practically only grandchild (the others were quite far away)she had. They spent a lot of time together and were very close. They have not seen or heard from her or their 2 great grandchildren for over 3 years either. What a cruel thing to withhold a living great grandparent of sound mind and body from her own children...many dont have such extended family...and once the day comes there will be no opportunity.

In view of her treatment to my parents they have both stated that they do not wish her to be called when the day comes...that they hope the great grandchildren have some good memories of them and they dont want those marred by sickness/death/funeral.

As you said so well Lindajoan...if there is no honor from them in life...there cannot be in any in death...of loving grandparents and parent.

It is perhaps a regret that they will have to carry the rest of their lives...and I have seen such regret and guilt at funerals break even the very strong.

God help them

AllK

Epic, AllK, and other friends It is very sad for us to be ignored by our EC. Imagine our parents who were good to them being cast aside? I think it is for my 93 year old mother that my heart breaks the most although my mother still being of sound mind and full of God's wisdom has forgiven her. She knows that she has mental struggles. What our ED lost even with that relationship she will never find in another. Our ED left for a bf two years ago (at age 20) and lost that bf and his family a year later. She then moved on to another bf and his mother. The year will be up in April. Time will tell. Most young relationships at this age do not last as we all know.

God do in our EC's lives what they need to hear YOU!

THank you nana, I have been trying to truly forgive my dad. It has been difficult as he has always been nasty to me, even on his deathbed, he still musters the energy to be mean. I have to forgive him & I know this. It is hard to forgive someone who never shows remorse or repentance. God will show him how wrong he was in treating us so badly, it is not up to me to deliver justice. I sure wish my family (sisters & brother) weren't so dysfunctional, I cant express my grief to them. My one sister is very cold & intolerant. I tried to talk to her about our dad last night & all she said was "Oh, that's too bad, poor dad", & "well, I was watching football, so I will talk to you later". She was always the favorite & never had to withstand the beatings or verbal abuse.
I am not looking forward to us all 5 being together for the funeral & dinner. It will be VERY awkward & tension filled.