Oh Gordos, I hear you. But you know what? I reminded God about a month ago that I'd been praying for so long for Him to deal with my son - 20 years. I asked Him why He hadn't. Clear as a bell I heard in my "gut" "he wouldn't let me". I remember lindajoan saying that sometimes they have to hit rock bottom before they will let God deal with them. I took my hands off, gave the whole thing to God, and that's it. I think about him and his family all the time, but I make no effort to contact them in any way. I tried everything and it didn't work. Now I'm leaving it up to God. It's actually a little easier to live with, now that there's no awful conversations, and the roller coaster ride of hope, disappointment, hope, disappointment. I guess in a way I had to hit rock bottom too - on the scale of hoping to change things myself. If my son won't let God fix things, he surely won't let me either. Every word I said was misinterpreted and had a spin put on it. So I'm not saying anything. God knows how to say it so it penetrates through anger, bitterness, whatever. It may not be in my lifetime, but it will happen. Take heart Gordos. God loves you and so do we and He answers prayer. It's not a selfish prayer to pray for God to give you His peace.

Dear Gordos, Your honesty is so refreshing. God loves when we come to Him that way. He already knows what is on our hearts before we verbalize it. He loves and cares for each of us as if there is only one of us. He works in His way. So often we do not know His plan but we can trust His heart.

One of our sons (3rd out of 3) struggled with substance abuse. By God's grace, much prayer, and family intervention leadibg him to help he came through it in his mid 20s. From upper teens through early 20s are hard years for boys. The main things I learned are that we can not do it for another person. They have to come to the place where they want the change. That is difficult for us caring moms. Pray for their safety but do not enable them in any way. Have resources ready when your son admits his need.

God bless you with His Shalom as you (we) cry out to God for our prodigals.

Gordos, I understand your pain. God does hear our prayers. I will tell you some of my story simply because it might help you.

I grew up in a Christian family and stayed away in my 30's after a divorce. It was only after making an incredible number of mistakes, and eventually a suicide attempt (it's truly only by God's grace that I'm alive today) that I turned my life over to Christ. That was when I was 44 years old! My father took me into his house for two years as I recovered (it left me with a lot of physical issues to deal with). I finally got my own home again, got remarried, and am serving God within my church and community.

Paul says, "Christ Jesus came into this world to save sinners, of whom I am chief." That pretty much sums up my life.

My children are estranged (it started before the suicide attempt--that isn't why). I know that God has a plan for their lives…I just don't know yet what that plan is for each of them. All I can do is trust.

It is not easy for any of us. We all had visions of what our lives would be like when our children would grow up, serve God, have children of their own. Life does not always go according to those visions, unfortunately.

Difficult as it is, for our sake, and for the sake of our children, we must find the strength to rise above, carry on, and trust. God will help us when we ask him to.

I love your words, CanadianMother! What a wonderful and uplifting testimony. None of us are perfect and we all have made mistakes. Life's journey is such a challenge. But I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me! Jesus is my best friend in every way. I could not carry on without my personal relationship with Him. My ED has been gone for 15 years - a horribly long time. I have not seen or heard from her since. My son has let me know that she is married and doing well, living in another state. It still seems like yesterday when she walked out of my life. The only way I have managed to get through the pain and grief is through my faith. I read my Bible and get such insight and wisdom. I read my "Jesus Calling" devotional and feel He is speaking directly to me. I could not endure this without Him. And, yes, I know God hears our each one of us. All will be answered in His perfect time.

Dear Ladies, It is an encouragement to hear how you have drawn close to the Savior. Life is hard for everyone in all different ways. Estrangement makes us sad. God is always faithful.

lindajoan, God has conquered death,and He created everything we see and what we don't see. He runs the universe.Who then can we put all our faith and hope other than him? no one.

I just re-read my post and I think it's a little confusing….

I grew up in a Christian family, raised my children in the church, then I strayed into a life of sin after my divorce. I did not estrange from my family. I think the "r" was left out of strayed and left the wrong impression.

In any event, I'm glad I'm now walking in close relationship with my Lord, and do pray that some day my children will also find their way to Him.

You do think sometimes God doesnt hear you. It hurts to feel like this .Im so sorry you are feeling alone right now and i will pray for you and hope you can feel some peace. HUGS

A book that really helped me is God On Mute

Thank you all for the replies. I feel so alone. My husband doesn't get it, is not supportive at all. When I want to talk to him about it, he rolls his eyes & acts disgusted. He just says "he will get through it, he's just immature" NO, that's not it. I already have one son that is out of my life, I don't need, cant take another estrangement. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't sick. My thyroid disease makes me more liable to have anxiety, depression, etc. The thyroid disease was made worse from all the stress in the last 2 years. I went to mass tonight & said the rosary & prayed to God to mend my fractured family. I usually feel better after going to mass, but didn't tonight. I know this is all somehow in God's plan, but for the life of me, I wish I understood why there has to be so much pain involved. I honestly feel myself getting close to giving up.

I understand. My DH never is the one to bring up our ED. I do think our DHs are affected by it in their own way. I know my DH was very hurt by what our ED did after how good he was to her.

Every day is a gift from God. I often have to remind myself of the Serenity Prayer especially the first line, God grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I can not change.

Men are certainly different from women and don't have the same emotional responses to situations at times.

On our own we certainly would not be able to handle losing our children. God is able to help us through. Have you ever spent time reading the Psalms? I find them incredibly comforting. Don't give up, Gordos.

Gordos4,
I'm sorry your husband is not being supportive. I find men face these pains differently than we do. We women are much more emotional-- we need to talk it out, cry it out…we need the support of other women because men just can't relate on the same level.
The other night I cried to my husband that he seems so emotionless over what is happening. I asked him how he can not be sad that our only child, our daughter who we raised is doing this… His response was much calmer than my cries. He simply said, "I am upset, but I trust God to handle God's business, so we have to wait on God." Men are fixers, and he recognizes that God is going to fix it in His timing, so he leaves it with the Lord. simple as that. I cannot do that! I'm a woman and I want the details--I want to know how God is going to fix it and I want it done now! LOL. I have to deal with all the emotions…and like you, I have the thyroid disease so I know exactly what you mean with the anxiety, depression, etc. It's real stuff we're dealing with, but we have a powerful God who is far better at beating Satan and his nonsense.

and I just want to add, thank God our husbands are not as emotional as we are-- can you imagine the chaos in our homes if this were so?!

Dear Gordos, There is pain. When we pray, we expect God to immediately answer and rectify the situation. The pain intensifies when our prayers go unanswered or so we think they are unanswered. In the early morning during my prayer and reflection time, I quietly thank the Lord for watching over my ES and his family. I used to pray that He make my ES realize how inconsiderate and disrespectful he was.
I firmly believe that when I handed over my son and his family to God to watch over when I couldn't, that a peace and acceptance started in me. When I accepted that I could not control or even influence my ES's decisions good or bad, then the Lord gave me a glimpse of my son's life and a brief reconnect with his family,.
I'm not saying that this is everyone's path. What I am saying is "Thy will be done" and really, truly believe that. Blessings.
Blessings.