CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Last night my husband asked me if I wanted to see a recent picture of our ES. He said that someone he knows was able to get into Facebook to see it, so she somehow forwarded the picture to him. So I said sure, and he showed me the picture. In the photo, my son is holding both of the grandsons (one whom I have never even met) and he is smiling and looks so happy. The children look well, too. Now here is my confession....I admit it, it hurt me to see him look so HAPPY! I guess I should be glad he is happy and well, but part of me (a BIG part of me) really wants him to be miserable and hurting, like he has hurt me. A part of me thought, how dare him be so happy and carefree when he has hurt his own mother this way?!? Don't get me wrong, I am glad he is well, I just wish he wasn't quite as happy as the picture portrayed. And of course I know just because he looks happy in the photo, doesn't mean he is really all that happy in real life. We all know how Facebook is. Anyway, for the rest of the evening I just felt miserable. And then I started chastising myself, like what kind of mother wants her own kid to be unhappy? I prayed about it, and I do feel better, but I just felt like I had to get that off my chest. Have any of you ever felt the same way? That deep down you kind of don't want your EC to be happy? And then feel bad when you perceive they are happy? Anyone?
ruthsandraschilling
It certsinly robs you of your peace when family are divided. Not the way is shouldbe. In my book family should be there for each other through thick and thin.
ruthsandraschilling
I also feel like the Son I knew is not the same anymore. The one I could talk with about anything, laughed with, shared times with. Now it as if he is a stranger to me. Like when a neighbour moves away and doesn't keep in touch. Hard to take.
edr1961
I dont even know what i would even say to our son if he came around now my wall is up,i feel he and his wife have made a fool of me and dh.
lucy76
Yes I have felt that way and felt guilty for it too. My son pulled away immediately after he got married last summer. Around Thanksgiving I saw pics on fb of him with his inlaws celebrating like a happy family, which I know isn't really a genuine portrayal of truth. Then again a while later seeing him at a gala event his MIL was honored at. They were all standing together, she was holding her award, and he was standing proud and happy in his nice suit with smiling family all around him. I felt gutted, how can he be so happy and care free when my torment has been a daily struggle just to get out of bed. How is he functioning and operating in the world, attending "galas" like he's not feeling anything about how he's treating us. It was a ton of hurt and it washed over me so hard I nearly drowned in it. I took him and my dil off my fb until recently when I re-added them. (we'd been making progress but that has halted). And yes, I wanted him to feel sad and hurt at a life that didn't include his mom, his dad, and his baby sister. And yes I had to repent for those feelings but I'm still struggling not to feel them, I just try to push them back.
feellinghelpless
Lucy, acknowledge your feelings. Don't shove them inside. That hurts more. Give your son to God
everloving11
In my case (much like yours - 2 grandchildren - no contact or way to see pics, etc. etc. etc.) my son probably thinks he's happy because ---- he's not thinking about what he doesn't want to think about. As far as he's concerned, I don't exist anymore - I'm as good as dead to him, so he's "free" but we all know that any unresolved and unforgiven issues in our lives become an horrible burden that weighs us down. So, like Pigpen in Snoopy cartoon, he goes around in an overcast day of his own choosing. I agree that I think a lot more of him than he does of me, which is a blessing. In the beginning of this estrangement, he told one daughter that he hoped I was hurting - 'check' mission accomplished! I could almost sense his resentment and bitterness --- now, I sense a nothingness from him - which has given me a sense of release. My hope is that I may get to see him again --- my reality is NOT!
ruthsandraschilling
Hello Everloving, it is so sad to read your message.. I fully understand. My GranDdaughter told me that her dad doesn't waste any of his tine thinking about ME.no point he said. These situations we are in are so deep and troubled it is hard to hang on to the joke that it may be ok one day. I feel like it is is abnormal to treat your own Mother i such a way.
ruthsandraschilling
Hello Alice, I know exactly how you feel.. It was my birthday on Sunday and also Mother's Day. My son has made it clear he doesn't want me in his life. He was out with her Mother that day ...also celebrating his 40 th Birthday. Words fail me!! Hurt isn't the word to describe how I feel. Why ? Do they turn against us when they get a woman in their lives and embrace their family and ignore us. Talk about insulted.
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