I think it's only natural to feel some emotion when we see a photo like that. We can't understand how they operate when they have caused us so much hurt and carry on like we do not exist. I will never get my head round it.

You looked at the photos, saw a smile, and assumed he is happy. Ever hear of a "fake" smile? I think we all experience the same feelings. Like me, I am sure you don't want to see harm come to them, but the idea they are so happy and life is wonderful while our lives feels empty seems so unfair. Rejection is a very crippling emotion.

Agreeing with Faith. Pictures on social media are rarely a representation of the full truth.
I struggle with the exact same feelings. I think the bottom line for me is, I feel like if my ED is happy, she's not anywhere close to acknowledging the truth of her life choices. She's still in fantasy land and that depresses me. If I think she's suffering at all, I feel like God is working in her. Even though I know she is always working.
Yes it is a strange emotion to be sad to see our kids happy. But in our cases, there's a whole lot more to the story. Hang in there.
Hugs

poodlegirl61 - I completely understand. When my son was estranged, a friend would see pics on FB and send them to me and I felt the same way. How dare he be so happy when I was so miserable. Now that we are "sot of" re-connected, I have learned that he was happy with his wife and daughter but also carried a heavy heart missing his own family. All his time was spent with her family.

Since we have re-connected, he has told his wife estangement will never happen again, and he told her that in front of me. However, now that my husband has passed and their lives are back to normal, I don't hear from him often. Maybe once every couple of months, and he only lives 70 miles away.

Thanks Norske1..... I often wonder what their true feelings are? Do they think of us as much as we think of them?

No, I honestly believe they do not think of us much at all. They are so busy with their jobs, family, friends that we aren't though of much. Especially by sons. I got along great with my parents but I know they thought of me more than I thought of them. I would try to call once a week (no Skype back then) and we would make the 2.5 hour drive down to their farm for a weekend visit about once every 4 to 6 weeks.

We saw my husband's mother more. She was a widow and lived in the same city so almost every Sunday we would see her. But she had a habit of calling every night which bothered me. She would say "Hi, it's Me, what are you having for supper?" I thought she was being nosey wondering if I was feeding her son good enough but looking back, she was just lonely and it was just something to get a conversation going.

I vowed I would never do that to my DIL if I ever had one. Well, I got one, but she doesn't want to talk with me. She wants nothing to do with friending me on FB or getting together for lunch. That's okay I guess. I just wish my son would think of me more.

Poodle you are so honest. I do believe that none of us want our EC to not be well. However it is normal I think to not want them so happy. For me it is does not make sense how they could be so happy especially if they know the Lord. If they know God they know that they are being disobedient to His Word by treating their parents this way. A part of them can not be truly happy. I have to constantly remind myself not to believe what is seen. The enemy can lie to us through the seen. God works in His ways and they are often invisible to us.

Please be kind to yourself. You are not wrong. We have all been undeservingly hurt. May God be near to each one here.

lindajoan , I agree with you completely except, Deception in the churches today are GREAT! In some, the 10 commandments have been thrown out because the OT is not of any value (for example), How Sad! I pray God will soften their hearts and open their eyes and ears to the TRUTH!

I know what you mean Faith. These churches that have done this have a lot to answer for. Very sad that they have watered down and changed God's Word. They pick and choose what they accept from the Bible. Often Salvation and how to enter Heaven is missed completely. Many churches try to stay politically correct for fear of losing the people. Aren't we thankful to know that God's grace saves us?

Poodlegirl dont feel bad, i think i would feel the same way, our son wants to see me and dh hurt and they know they will succeed by hold gc from us, i get very angry with the whole situation. i understand how and why you feel the way you do.

Thank you everyone for validating my feelings. And lindajoan, you are right, I am pretty honest or try to be. I worry a lot about hurting others feelings or wondering if I said the wrong thing. I do it in real life and I do it on this web site. Sometimes I am typing and I hit the send button, and then when I go back and re read it, I can see how it might have come across as unkind. But I am currently in yet another Bible study, this one by Jennifer Rotschild called Me, Myself, and Lies, and I think this one will be very good for me. It talks about the way our thoughts can control us, and how many of our thoughts are not of the Spirit and those bad thoughts can pollute our "thought closets" much the way one stinky pair of socks can pollute your clothes closet in your house. It also talks about our inner dialogs we have with ourselves and how we can subconsciously beat ourselves up. Anyway, thank you all for your kind words of understanding!

Poodle, By you being honest I meant sharing your true heart. Thank you for that. So many times in the real world people will answer ok when asked how they are when actually they may be going through some deep waters. I am thankful that we can safely come here and share with one another.

This is just totally natural. Imagine if the parents said horrible things to an adult child who loved them and was always there for them, and threw the AC out of their lives. Then went on to live a carefree life, with their partying all over social media.

Well, of COURSE the rejected child would feel like that was rubbing salt in their wounds, and would wonder forever how it could be they deserved such treatment, and wonder how their parents could possibly go on to be so happy, despite what they did to the AC.

Well, this role reversal might be not quite exactly the same, as we expect more of ourselves as parents not to have such feelings from rejection, but the rejection itself is the same.

Or consider my younger daughter, who suffered all this from her sister, for nothing other than refusing to throw us under the bus, too. She hurts knowing the in-laws get a relationship with her sister, and with the baby, who she was never allowed to see.

In my case, though, I know my ED is never happy, and has never been for more than brief spurts, then whatever made her happy becomes something to complain about. She always smiles for pictures, but she is never happy. Younger daughter knows that too.

Also, we've only seen one pic of ED since this began, so it's easier for us that way too.

So I would say we don't need to beat ourselves up for these feelings. Just feel them, and watch them go by, because they will pass. We KNOW we want the EC to be happy and healthy, after all. But know also that few of them, unless they are sociopaths, can be happy about this, no matter how they try to run from and forget about it. In that respect, we are actually granted more peace of mind than they are.

By now, Poodle, you probably realize you have more company than you thought, regarding your feelings. How else would a mom/grandmom who is estranged from her family feel? Each of us wishes we were in those pictures, holding our grandbabies and having our adult children by our sides.

I really agree about those FB pics. I have only been on FB for about a year and I got on because everyone said I should in order to give our ranch ministry exposure. I have been in pictures my dd posted on her FB page and I can tell you first hand, some of those moments before and after the pics were not so pleasant. I have witnessed stressful situations and even remarks made about in-laws and then there's that pic being snapped and who would have thought they weren't just the happiest family and extended family?

I pretty much go on my church's FB page and really limit my so-called "friends" to 20 or under. I also have not "friended" my dd and I believe she is fine with that. If I went on her FB page I would see pics of my es (her brother) and my es grands and my ex and so much more that would absolutely not be good for me.

And, what does the Word say? "...Think on things that are TRUE....NOBLE...JUST...PURE...LOVELY...OF GOOD REPORT...PRAISEWORTHY..." and, for the most part, that is not FB. God always knows doesn't HE?

I understand your feelings and thank you for just being honest. I have those feelings too and I think the root of it all is just regret , jealousy, and sadness that we aren't sharing in our children's lives. Truthfully, if my ed is going to act like she has, I don't think I would want to be around her, but it's the cruel torture of not knowing the grand kids that gets me. But, If we let those feelings get a hold of us and turn into guilt, we just get kicked around by lies. We have to stay close to God and focus on letting go of expectations for how our relationships should be and submit to how they are. Not easy for sure, but possible with God. I am on a constant roller coaster with this, and on good days I know my ed's life is her own (and probably not all that great- how could it be?) and God is at work.. But bad days I am a mess. It's a marathon. Hope you are feeling better and prayers are with you.