Dear gordos4, I am so sorry your son is hurting, and called you to give you some of his pain. I am starting to believe that while what parents do or fail to do is very important, we are not the only people who influence our childrens' lives. Alcohol abuse is as old as time, and drug abuse is very common. Just to give you some hope, my cousin turned around her life at age 47, quitting both alcohol and cigarettes successfully, and she remains clean and sober today. Her mother, my aunt, was married to a severely abusive alcoholic husband, and was an alcoholic herself, and she became clean and sober at age 70, and maintained her sobriety until she died, in her early 80's. It is human to ask why, I know that is always my first and most important question. But at some point, our children become adults, and make their own choices. And I am beginning to believe the reasons they make their choices are very complicated, and have to do with many, many factors than just our behavior. We will always be their mothers, and know them in a way only mothers can, and we will always hurt when they are in distress, but I don't believe we need to bear all the guilt for decisions they make. You are clearly giving your son good and helpful advice, and he is choosing not to take it. People really only ever quit drinking or doing drugs when they decide to, when it becomes more important to them, than the perceived positive benefits of drinking or drugs. You can't do it for your son. Only he can do it. So, please, go easier on yourself. It is clear that you love your children very much and want only good for them. They are lucky to have that, not everybody had parents like that!! I truly believe God would not want you to feel bad about yourself. We are all sinners, but Jesus Christ sets us free from sin, and we are the beloved and cherished children of God in the Kingdom. You are doing everything you can to help your son, and only he can make his decisions, please release yourself from the guilt and shame. I don't feel you need to feel that way at all. Hugs and prayers to you on this dark day.

gordos - I am so sorry. This is so stressful for you for sure. Our ES never called when he was drunk, I didn't realize what a break that was not to hear him like that. Maybe your voice is comforting to him and slows him down from drinking more?? Our ES was in the ER last year with a blood alcohol level nearly fatal because he drank so much one night. I have always thought that one or two more beer before somebody called for help and he might be gone. Maybe he calls you subconsciously and it helps him slow down his drinking right then, even if he doesn't take the rest of your advice. I don't know. I dread the phone ringing as it is, I couldn't imagine anticipating that every time. Hang in there. The Lord has not forgotten you. His timing is way beyond our understanding. I try to remind myself that if life were too perfect here on earth we would not long for Heaven.

Thank you both, I appreciate it. I cant imagine waiting until he's in his 60's or 70's to sober up. He's still just a kid really, at only 22. I see him giving up on himself before he even gives himself & his life a chance.. I am not relying on my sons for my happiness, but I cant be happy when I know they're suffering. I wish my suffering would ease theirs somehow. It's weird how I used to think "human suffering" was physical suffering, not emotional. I now realize how wrong I was. I know I am not alone in my pain. I now have 2 sons that are lost. How can I NOT feel like a failure?

It's natural to feel like a failure, but you're NOT! You did your best and still are trying your best. Your son is going to figure it out that his drinking is going to ruin his life. Just keep praying to Jesus on behalf of your children. He's not going to stop working on them.

feeling, I know you're right. I pray for my sons every day. Its all happening for a reason and is in God's plan somehow.

You are not a failure, Gordos. Let's realize that out adult are making choices. The enemy lies to them about how good is evil and evil is good. Our adult children must be willing to get the help they need. We can offer suggestions but they must want it. We can not force them. Many of us have had adult children who chose to party and then it became addictive. My middle son did a lot of partying through his teens and early twenties. He even got a DWI at age 21. God spared his life and a few years later He turned back to God. My youngest son (now 28) had to go to rehab and is clean today. He still needs to go to church and put God first but I am thankful for progress. A young man of 22 is still immature. We need to pray for their safety and never give up on them.

Please do not enable him but show him unconditional love. I would welcome him to call you. I will pray for him.

Gordos, I still don't think God is punishing you , if anyone it is the father of lies that is behind it. Please don't blame yourself for this. Sometimes things happen out of our control.It is not your fault. Let us lift you and your son up for prayer :

Holy Father, we lift up our sister Gordos and her sons to you Father. Please heal the son of his addiction. Please heal Gordos's broken heart and lift the guilt, mourning and great weight off of her. Father give her your peace, which surpasses all understanding. Lord, we pray that you would directly intervene in this son's life and heal him completely. We pray in the holy and majestic name of Jesus, Amen.

Thank you lindajoan & savedbyhim. That was a beautiful prayer saved, I will not lose all hope & try to bring myself closer to God & not fail Him. Guilt is indeed an ugly thing and the evil one is enjoying all the suffering in the world. I rebuke him on my sons' behalf.

Drink is a dreadful demon.....keep strong. I thought it got easier as your child became an adult. How wrong was I?

Whichypoohs, I know, I did too. My 4 sons never got into any real trouble growing up. I only got called into the principals office twice amongst the 4 of them. One got an award for returning a wad of cash he found in the locker room into the office, instead of keeping it. They were raised to be gentlemen and nice hard working men. As soon as they hit their early 20's...watch out lol. I guess I was too strict & they felt the need to cut loose once they were on their own. Alcohol IS an evil demon, & has stolen more lives of loved ones to me than I can count. Maybe if I hadn't grown up around it & married it, I wouldn't feel so guilty & hopeless. My psychiatrist tells me that it's no wonder Im a nervous wreck & am sensitive to the issue of alcohol. Im taking it day by day & trying to keep my hope alive somewhat.

I would suggest he try Celebrate Recovery. Look for a meeting at one of the churches in your area. I am a co-leader at one in my town and it is amazing what this Christian group does for each other.

Norske, thank you, but our small town doesn't even have al-anon meetings. I have researched it extensively, & there are virtually NO support groups here. Our town has a very negative aura about it. For only having a population of 6,000, there is ALOT of crime, murders, suicides, & we have the biggest drug problem in this end of the state. It's just horrible. I didn't used to lock my house doors when I left, but I do now. There have been a rash of burglaries, vandalism, and drug related crime here lately. Our police chief is so corrupt, we've lost all but 2 of our police. The criminals know this, so they are taking full advantage of it. I would love to move, but that isn't an option. Our town needs support groups badly. I even spoke to a church leader, & she wasn't interested in starting one because "she is too busy as it is & that would be hassle and no one would come" Wow. I am looking into starting my own support group similar to this one, but open to anyone who wants to come for any reason. Privacy issues are a big concern too. I have a feeling that the information shared would not remain confidential.

Gordos, Not sure where you live but when I attended a support group called Families Annonymous they were said to be in many states. God bless you.

Our lives are shattered aren't they? I escaped a violent marriage where our lives were at risk - a life-time injunction from the court ISNT usual, but they granted me one. The terror I survived. Since being with this woman he's a stranger. She has 5 children, and has now caught my son. sometimes I feel I cant go on.

Whichy, You have certainly been through a lot of pain. Jesus is the only one who can mend and heal our shattered lives. Please try to find a good a Bible preaching church. Even large churches offer small support groups that offer love and care. I don't know how I would be standing today without the Lord.

If you want to let me know your location in a private message I may be able to give you some church seeking help. God bless you.