its alright to cry let it all out.Im sorry your sad.

I feel like the pain is unbearable too...so I can relate.....you never expect this to happen.....with my first ES I did come to accept it because my ex and I had a very bad court battle where they lie excessively to gain full custody of him...and then they kept him from me and told him lie after lie....so I expect him to be estranged but my second child and I were always very very close and he knew how horribly it hurt me what was done with my first son...they are 10 years apart and different fathers...so totally different situations.....but he saw how broken I was over my other Son and I can not understand how he could do the same.....for different reasons mind you but the outcome is the same...second ES is being controlled by his Evil wife.....so there is no hope my poor sweet son has been brainwashed......maybe that is what has happened with yours too......

It is unbearable at times....most of the time...add GC and it's even worse. I'm glad you can express yourself here.

When I first dealt with estrangement and my daughter, I came to be his site to read and learn from others' experiences. Sometimes it felt like voyuerism because the pain and loss expressed was so gut wrenching that I felt guilty like I had intruded on someone's privacy.

But I was in agnity too. It helped me determine how I wanted to live my life. It helped me focus on what I had control over and what I didn't. It helped me to overcome vindictiveness and anger w the Lord's help.

My estrangement w this daughter is over. I have my own boundaries equipped with barbed wire and enforced windows. I keep my conversation on the children..innocuous. I ask no hard questions...I share no information about my life. Lite and airy. That's it...and with a 2500 mile distance there is no real alternative.

I accept my losses and focus on a different life than I thought I would have. But it's mine to do with as I want. Not theirs.

So suffer and feel the pain of it all...recognize what is what...and you decide when you have suffered enough, wrentched your soul and pleaded with the es and the Lord...what is next.

I believe and know the Lord loves us. He gave mankind free will.

thank you claudia, I have been thinking about accepting the abuse of being made to feel like a subhuman or refusing to. I think I have chosen to refuse to for now. I still love my children but I will not be treated like a subhuman and as though I do not exist. God has control over it and he will work in his timing. Nobodies life is perfect but we deserve to be at least treated like a human being.

So true. Parents deserve the best treatment according to God's Holy Word. Parents are to be honored. This is far from what our EC are doing. We pray that one day they will.

thanks for sharing about tears, Maddie.

just to add to my reply, Maddy, I leaked as I read your poem..hahaha..we can still laugh