CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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I've reached a decision

poodlegirl61
poodlegirl61
A few weeks ago I asked everyone's opinions concerning Christmas gifts for my two grandsons from my ES. He had told me back in September he absolutely wanted no more contact and to stop sending gifts because they "cause pain". Many of you chimed in with great suggestions, but I have reached a conclusion. I will not be sending presents. I will not even be buying them to keep for later in case they change their mind, either, like some of you suggested. I have already bought for my other three, and they are wrapped and under my tree, but as I was walking in Target just the other day, my feet took me to the toy aisle, and I thought of my other two lost little lambs, and I thought about picking up some toys, and the thought of it absolutely made me sick. I mean, physically ill. My heart started racing and I felt so nauseous I almost threw up, so I just got out of there as fast as I could. I think God was trying to tell me something. So I will abide his wishes and not send anything. Of course, I am sure one day I will get blamed for NOT sending gifts, just like in September I got blamed FOR sending gifts (birthdays) but I am a child of God too, and I have to have some degree of self preservation. I am not putting myself through that. Anyway, thank everyone for their input.
bella479
bella479
Have said this before several times....God does not force himself on anyone......I want them to have a close relationship with God even if that means forgetting me.

Remember we cannot put our children before God.....He says if we do we are not worthy of Him.
givingupcontrol
givingupcontrol
Bella, I agree- we cannot put our children before God. I do feel like I did that when my children were younger, and I regret that and have asked God for forgiveness. We live in such a child-centered society- it's easy to get caught up in it without even realizing it. My value is not in my children- my value is in the shed blood of Jesus Christ.
katesmom95
katesmom95
amen givingupcontrol... you're right. our value does not come from our children. I did the same thing--my daughter came first in most things. I've had to repent from that as well. The child centered society is part of the reason so many of us are going through this now... perhaps they are so focused on self because we so focused on them, huh?

so grateful for the shed blood. there truly is power in the blood and that is why we can remain hopeful in all things... we are not condemned.
ruthsandraschilling
ruthsandraschilling
Has anyone noticed that when you reply yo someone's comments ...you end up on a page where the last comments have been made by someone else. I don't find it easy to have access on this site. Anyone else find it difficult?
lindajoan
lindajoan
Ruth, I have not had that happen. Please do not give up. We need you here.
Norske1
Norske1
We must remember what the bible teaches:

Love God first
Love your spouse second
Love your children third

Raising our kids, I think we all failed a bit in this department. I know I felt guilty having to work outside the home so I embellished and tried to overcompensate. I needed to remember it is "qualtiy" of time rather than "quantity" but I would feel guilt so would let the boys do things I probably shouldn't have.

But, funny, one son grew up to be loving toward his parents, responsible, follower of Christ.
The estranged son, raised the same way, left all that behind him when he met/married his agnostic (and maybe atheist) wife.
ruthsandraschilling
ruthsandraschilling
I know our children have to take responsibility for their actions but is is obvious ....who they choose as partners makes a world of difference to how they treat us. It stands out a mile. So disappointing that they allow this to come between their parents and siblings. Changes everything and causes so much suffering.