I can certainly feel your sadness coming through your thread. My heart goes out to you. It obvious to me that you love your daughter very much. From what you say, I can’t help but believe that she does love you too. She is still very young. But she does show promise. You say she has had a change in behavior and attitude. Do you try sending cards, and emails or anything at all? Does she acknowledge you at all?

For now just take it one day at a time and when the going gets tough, take it moment by moment. Reading the posts and the stories really help with the feelings of being alone. Keep on your knees praying and find some peace in knowing that God is in control and He is our comforter during our even most difficult trials.

KimsMom ~~ Welcome to the group but so sorry the broken relationship with your Ed was the cause for you being here. It is an irony to me that your daughter has no problem sitting in judgement of you and yet her past history of abuse of you is certainly outrageous to say the least.

Do you have activities that keep you from thinking of this constantly? I know love working in my garden. It helps me a lot and I can see the beauty in God's creation when everything is in bloom. I enjoy feeding the birds in the winter too.

Thanks for sharing - Shiney

Hi MoriahsSong, I was drawn to your first posting because of the subject title. Thank you so much for reposting!! I can totally relate to what you are feeling now that I have read your second posting on this sad subject. I am a mother of a now grown son who has a personality disorder. We went through years of abuse from him as a family starting when he turned 14. so much I can't even begin to go into on this post. I looked for help for him and none could be found except for medication that turned him into a zombie and later he discovered how to abuse his psychiatric meds to get high. I spent hours into the night praying weeping until I thought my heart was going to explode. Well we eventually had no choice but to kick him out of the home because our youngest son was being negatively affected. Again, not an easy choice but one that had to be made. After a while he met a girl and moved in with her, he has went off his meds cold turkey and soon he began to become more unstable. To make the long story short we have become "dead" to him as his parents. He doesn't remember the good times only imaginary events that have happened that are horrible memories for him. He accuses me of abusing him. beating him which never happened but in his psychotic mind he believes it happened. He has convinced some very dear friends of mine that it is true. I have prayed about it and left it in God's hands. It is hard because the first thing I want to do is defend myself. But I have learned to let it go on a daily basis. Just last week our son came to his senses and told us that he misses his family and wants us back. We told him we love him and forgive him but we are cautious. We know that it is a matter of time before he will go back to hating us and calling us "dead" unless he completely surrenders his life to the Lord. It's like a death every time he does this. I will keep you in prayer because I know what it feels like to desire to have a whole family and see it torn apart. But I believe in the power of prayer and the blood of Jesus Christ that heals and mends broken hearts and broken minds. I will believe this for your family and for mine. God bless you so much for sharing your story.

Kjam -- I’m so glad you found us and that you feel comfortable confiding in us about your difficulties with your son that you obviously love dearly.

It is really hard to love someone, even your own child, when they make up lies about you and tell them to other family members or friends because, people get caught in the middle and they don’t know who to believe unless they know the whole story. It certainly is a time when you find out who your friends really are isn’t it?

I can understand how sometimes an individual can be so disruptive to the other family members that you become forced to do something to protect the innocent ones from physical and emotional abuse too even though I have not had that experience myself.

You did your best to get help for him I can tell that from your sadness that comes through. You say that he has since gone off his meds. Is he presently back on them or still off of them? Have you talked to him about this? If he is not back on meds then I agree that the cautious approach is definitely called for.

Kjam, you say that he has recently come to his senses and wants you back. But, has he shown any remorse at all for his past behaviors? Is he back in the home or still living with his girlfriend? What is his religious convictions if you know? Has he ever made a commitment to the Lord to your knowledge. If he has then he should know that he has done wrong by lying and should be willing to make amends by admitting to those lies in order to restore your good name to your friends. I realize that this is probably a pipe dream but if he has a conscience he should be repentant to some degree.

My heart goes out to you. You certainly have been tested haven’t you? I certainly appreciate your prayers too.

God Bless - Moriah

kjam ---- Welcome!!! Sorry that you had to join our group because of the stress that your son has brought to your family.

-This is a very hard and difficult journey we're on, but rest assured that someone is watching and he knows all. You know down deep you were not a bad mom.. Remember these children of ours must have learned at least how much we love them and they will not forget that. Lets leave it to the one who knows our hearts. Life is hard, but God is great. He loves You.

We are here if you need us. - Lighthouse2

I just wanted to add my welcome to Kjam and kimsmom. This group is a soft place to land for the war-weary. And it's so good to have the understanding and feedback of those who are in the same boat.

bluemoonlight ~~ Oh you are so right! This is a God-given "soft" place to land for the war-weary!" Love that! And yes, it was so welcoming to read how many others were going through what I had been going through alone. It was also a blessing to realize that other people had come to terms with their situations and had decided to learn from the experience and to grow in spite of it. We all need God's help with that and this group is a good placed to see Him working through it.

God Bless!

Thanks, shiney. Yes, it was SUCH a surprise blessing for me when I found this group with. I had no idea there were so many others feeling the same way who were going through similar pain.

I'm also encouraged because of the depth of faith in Jesus Christ that I am seeing evidenced in the heart-felt posts I've read so far. We're in good company, here, aren't we. It's been a real help to me to "talk" about it. And good preparation for when God sends me a true friend that I can talk with in person with someday.

You know how we women are - we don't really know how we feel about something until we talk about it, right? It's been hard for me to not have anyone to talk with about this for so long. I talk to my husband, but he can only hear so much before his "ears are full". And that is usually long before I'm done!! :) lol
So it's very therapuetic to be able to articulate my feeligns and hear others, too.

Blue -- It takes a while for me to feel comfortable with a living, breathing human being before I dump the big stuff on them. I used to do it right up front and finally figured out that those blank stares were saying to me..."too much, too soon." I don't think people know how to handle it if they don't know more about the background, who you as a person "really are" and what they should or should not dump on you in return for what you just suddenly dumped on them. Now, after learning a while, I keep it light. Why not start a topic and get other ideas. It sounds like it would be a good topic?

I thought we could try doing this again. It started out pretty good in the beginning but died out. Feel free to add yours to it and we'll see if it takes off again. I thought we could bump it up more often now that we have more people joining per month than in earlier days.

I've been reading posts for a while now, and waiting until I got up the courage and reassurance that it was right for me to write and participate. Thank you for the opportunity and for those who have created and maintain this site.

I have been working through my grief process over my ES for about a year now on another site, which was enormously helpful, but I was not able to express my faith on that site as it was prohibited. For some time now I've vacillated between not participating at all since I have come to terms of acceptance, while remaining prayerful about if I should continue. However as I have found this site I would like to share my story in the hope it may encourage someone else on the journey to finding peace.

I hit the absolute bottom of my pain and grief when my only son 'cut me off' on Christmas two years ago. I just had to find someplace to talk to someone else who had gone through this, but as I had (in horror) hidden this issue for three decades, I didn't believe there was anyone else in the free world who had had a thing like this happen in their life.

My son (now early 30's) has been distant to me his whole life. His extreme animosity toward me started when he was 2 yrs old, and all of his life he was beligerent and rejecting toward me in spite of the fact that I as his mother bonded with him instantly, and did what I thought were all the right things - breast feeding, stay at home Mom, giving him lots of attention, eye contact, talking, etc. He bonded very strongly with his father who was teaching him to reject me and look down on me. I had two children, and the other has always been loving and kind. The marriage ended when ES was early teen, and he went back and forth between homes, not happy anywhere and still very rebellions, until ultimately going into the military and doing well for a number of years. He's now finishing up college with a lucrative career ahead of him.

My first help was in reading Josh Coleman's book, When Parents Hurt. It was the first peace I had ever had, when I read the chapter on 'aggressive defiant children' and the mismatching of parent/children. It started to make a little sense and I got up the courage to look for a place to share and heal.

As time has gone on, I have very brief sporadic contact with ES through email, and I have made amends the best I believe I am able to in this lifetime to him by taking responsibility for my mistakes in raising him, in not understanding his personality, in acting out in anger and rage toward his belligerence, in not providing a safe and nurturing home for him after the divorce, in separating him from his sister after the divorce. I believe that he knows now that I am a person who has integrity, and to some small measure he has been able to find some peace about the past after the last letter I wrote him about a year ago.

I had to become very painfully honest with myself, in seeing that most of my attempts at reconciliation with my ES were really needs to make me feel good about myself and to take away the terrible stigma. As long as I reached out to him from that vantage point, there was no healing, but after I sought God to give me a truly humble and honest heart, I addressed an issue that I had never before considered with him, and it was at that time that I just sensed in my spirit that some of the animosity had gone, and that he knew I really loved him.

This process is very hard, and I encourage mothers not to give up hope and to pray fervently for the estranged child. I realize now that my ES's soul is at stake and I bombard the gates of heaven for his faith and salvation. I no longer have that obsessive craving to be important or relevant in his life, it isn't about me any more. That doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt, because it does very much but I know that his personality and the past have shut the door to that desire. But I am always open and optimistic about what will God do, and I know it will be better than I could ever have imagined. Thanks again for letting me share my story.

sonsandaughters....I cannot thank you enough for sharing your amazing story of honesty, truthfulness and faith.

I want my son to be a part of our life....according to God's plan for the family. I believe it it is to our son's benefit, to our grandkids benefit and yes to our benefit as we get older and need that support. I don't want more than what God says the family should be; just what it is supposed to be. I believe that when, and if, that happens, it is God that is glorified and Satan loses. I pray that God restores all of our families for His glory in triumphing over evil. Am I making sense here?

Hi sonsandaught...So glad that you were able to share your story with us. It is kind of like getting up in
front of a whole lot of people and giving a testimony. Scary aft first BUT then once you have started it
feels so good.

I know the feeling you are talking about when you said your son felt extreme animosity toward you since
he was a little boy. I began to notice it in my ED when she was around the age of 11. It was as if she
hated me. I couldn't do anything right. The way I dressed, looked, cooked, fixed my home, the job I worked at, the God I worshipped, etc. As time went out it only grew worst. My mother would tell she will grow out of it.

It is good that you have been able to be honest with yourself. Bring it before the Lord and seek his
wisdom and guidance. It is now going on 3 years for my husband and I with this estrangement. No contact whatsoever. Before that our ED would only see us 6 times a year. That went on for 10 years.

I too have had to let her go and completely give her life and soul to Jesus. I worry more that she is
eternally lost and my heart aches over that. I know the Lord hears the cries of US mothers. I look at
Hannah/Samuel. How long Hannah prayed for a child and then she had to give him up to someone else.
But her prayers were mighty! Look at her Samuel and how our God used him mightily.

I believe the Lord someday will bring our EC to him. I may not be a part of that BUT I believe the Lord
will give me the peace I need to live with it. Hold on to God's promises sonsandaug that is what sustains us. The devil will try and try and try to defeat us BUT we must stay in his word and fully trust in him.

Please come back and share with us again. We all care and pray for each other here.

I read through and I see that this is the new way for Satan to break true beleivers. He wants you to be so broken you won't be able to get up and Glorify God. My daughter has done the same thing. It makes no sense. Her mind is gone. We haven't seen them in three years. She taught her children how to hate and lied to them about me. Her husband and family are controlling. She was a Godly young girl when she met him. She began to lie and act out after she got together with him. Her father lied to her. He hasn't set anything right yet. He said he tried on the phone . She would not listen. He is on many meds ,not sure if that has helped the delusion. My prayer for you is that God would strengthen you to know this isn't what God would have your children do to you. He isn't happy about these mindless children. Persist in prayer. God is faithful. He maybe moving in a way we could never imagined. My heart is with you! Love & Prayers.