Also, I love that quote by your pastor! "Live by example and add words if you have to." I'm putting that up on my mirror.....thanks!

Roby .... I can certainy sympathize with you! We have similar circumstances and it is so hard when you know that they are being lied to and yet they don't even question what they are being told about these NEW religions that pop-up every day it seems. And yet, they question a belief sytem whose origins are thousands of years old? Most of those who wrote the Bible as we know it today, were eyewitness to a Man that died on the cross, rose from the dead, and watched him ascended into heaven where He came from? What claims can these fakes compare to that????

Hang in there and don't give up hope -

Hi, my name is Jlovie, I've just joined tonight. Tryingtomak, I know people like your mother. They are very selfish and controlling. The are also very insecure. The whole world revolves are them I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Who can compet with all that money that buys his love? He is so young that he doesn't have a clue as to what is happening. It is so hard to forgive . If you can forgive your Mom and give her to the Lord. He is the only one that can get thru to her. I love this scripture: I sought the Lord and he delivered me from all my fears.

I'll tell some of my story later.

Jlovie, so glad you have joined the group, but so sorry that it is an estrangement that brought you here. :-( I look forward to hearing your story, so I will know how to pray for you.

I do love that scripture verse, too! I look at my mom as though she is mentally ill...she is still responsible for her actions, but it helps me to just see her in kind of a gentle way... I asked Jesus for His eyes in looking at her, and I see a woman twisted in narcissistic misery...desperate for approval in others...trying to buy their admiration...she lives in an altered reality. So sad. I do forgive her. I also want to make sure that I take only her good qualities and that my husband runs me straight to a psychiatrist if I start to sound like her OTHER qualities at all! LOL

Hello everyone :)
This is my first time here so I thought I'd share our story. My husband and I are estranged with both sides of our family. My inlaws had some unresolved resentments (pretty trifle actually) with my husband (their son) and 10 years ago they all stopped speaking. We sent some Christmas cards indicating a desire to reconcile but got no response. My husband even bumped into his dad one day and after exchanging some awkward moments, offered that they ought to talk sometime. His dad just said "I'd be willing to do that." Dh said, "You have my number". Then nothing. I encouraged my husband to call his dad, but he felt that his dad should call him. I think that my dh really *needed* his dad to make the first move - maybe as an affirmation of love. It never happened. After a couple years we just gave up. My dh thinks his parents just don't care. I think they feel the same way though - they want HIM to make the first move. UGH! :(

Then our oldest child had a sudden medical emergency that almost took her life when she was a young teen. It took over a year of physical, occupational and speech therapy to recover about 80% from it. Mentally and physically she was never the same again. She is partially disabled, but functions well with it. For three years we endured intense struggles, exausting conversations and mind boggling logic. But it was when her irrational and volotile behavior became a threat that we had to take action. She became an unbearable torment and the stress had worn me out emotionally. We naively hid these struggles from family. We were not paticularly " close" anyway and we thought we could handle it on our own.

Things came to a head one day and we called on some family members for help. At first they were sympathetic and offered to help by taking her for a week to straighten her out. A week later, they were on her side! We were dumbstruck. Literally. My husband and I are easy going people. We don't have snappy comebacks and savvy answers. So when our razor tongued relatives began with a "you're guilty to you're proven innocent" approach, we just wept in each other's arms at the insanity of it all. How could this possibly be happening? We were a very happy family until her trauma and things began to unravel so slowly that we didn't even really notice until it exploded in our face.

Our daughter completely manipulated my family, told stories that never happened, stretched the truth so far it was unrecognizable and deliberately made us look ridiculous. After a few more months of absolute misery, we sent her to live with my mom (our final and only ally) a couple states away hoping that she would be would beg to come home and behave. This didn't work either and, as I look back, was a pipe dream.

Meanwhile, my husband and I tried to stay in touch with our daughter, giving her advice, worrying about her, praying constantly. Three separate times she told us of some ill conceived plan, and we fell to our knees in earnest prayer that the Lord would block it completely. Each of those times he did!! We are humbled at the awesome power and tender mercy of our God. And we know it is the Lord Jesus who has kept us from snapping. Her life is like a speeding train wreck and she plunges ahead foolishly into so many areas that need grave caution. She does not listen to reason. But I am convinced that her medical trauma caused her almost narcissistic behavior.

My family members sent some nauseating emails to us that clinched our estrangement from them. It's incomprehensible to me how full grown adults can hear a one sided story, form an opinion, come to their own conclusions and make a judgement without EVER hearing the other side! They assumed the blithering idiocy of the stories our daughter fiegned and sort of threw a cyber lynch mob party.
Thoroughly disgusted and determined not to "answer a fool according to his folly" we have not spoken a word in our own defense. I've often wondered if we should have. But it's been five years now and we moved far away (completely unrelated reasons, but came in handy) and didn't leave a forwarding address.

I have gone through a grieving process not unlike the death of our families. Even though my daughter tracked us down through computer nerds, we have "tested the waters" and they're just as full of sharks as they were before.

So we remain estranged...from everyone. It's been a perplexing predicament but one that I have resolved to worship the Lord and thank Him for anyway. I used to covet what I could not have - a restored relationship with all of them. But now my husband and our two other kids are happy, healthy and moving forward in life and I finally have a peace in my heart and mind that the Lord is in control and I can rest in that. My soul says, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Interestingly, Luke 12:51-53 sort of describes this growing phenoma of family estrangement.

Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division: For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three. The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

I know that our hearts are open and toward the Lord and that we have done nothing wrong. But for the Lord's reasons he has allowed our family to turn on us. He allowed similar unjustices to others, like Joseph. But I will wait on the Lord and see what happens.

Sorry this was long. I hope my story will help someone else going through this. It is painful, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Bluemoonlight, What a sad story because so much of your estrangement was avoidable! If only people had opened their eyes and asked some questions! How maddening! But your relationship with your husband sounds wonderful and how blessed your other children are that there is peace in your house!

We are completely estranged from both sides of our family, too and it is heartbreaking...our children would love to have GRANDPARENTS, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins!! God has filled the gaps with friends from church in many ways, but it is always sad to think our kids are missing out unnecessarily!

I love your wisdom and perspective! And you are right...we will wait upon the Lord and watch Him work. He is good and merciful and has brought us peace in spite of much grief.

How long has it been now since you have been completely without contact from your family? Your daughter? Does your mother talk to you at all? Did your daughter turn on her at all? That usually eventually happens (although it would NEVER happen in our case...my ES worships my mother).

Blessings to you and your family!

Bluemoon and Tryingtomakesense...I find each of your stories both sad and inspiring at the same time. I love the Serenity Prayer that goes; 'God, please grant me the serentiy to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can't; and the wisdom to know the difference."

Your stories are prime example of Serenity, Courage and Wisdom in action for sure. I'm sure that many will will be inspired by your faith and trust in Christ as living examples and be comforted by them.

It is such a blessing to have you and all those who have come here thus far.

Thank you for the encouraging and kind words, Tryingtomakesense and GuelsMom. I haven't had a soul to talk with about this for years, except my husband. It brings a feeling of vulnerability to be in this big world with nobody except my husband and kids.
We're trying hard to make friends in our new home, but I totally identify with what you said Tryingtomakesense. No grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins anymore. No more birthday parties, celebrating the holidays or even grieving over a death (how will we know if someone dies?), ....it's so sad.

In answer to your questions, it's been three and a half years since I've had contact with any of my "lynch mob" family. As for my mom, it's been 2 years now. Last time I spoke with her, she told me she spent her vacation with the sister of mine who was the most vehement in provoking all the other family members and even told my daughter that we wanted to see her fail and a whole lot of other really excruciating, lying rubbish.

So when my mom said she went and spent a week of sight seeing with her (hmmm) there was a "fly in the ointment". My mom kept giving every indication that she was on our side. But I couldn't see how that was possible. I prayed and wondered about it then one day I across a quote I shall forget and cleared up the way I was feeling. The quote was by Abraham Lincoln. He said, "A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have." That's when I knew. You cannot be friends with your friend's enemy. You have to choose. I know my mom chose, she just didn't want to be accountable for having her cake and eating it too. She could pick my side and stand up for right, or weaken and go with majority. So I just stopped calling her. I guess I could have talked to her about it, but my mother doesn't really listen. She talks with no periods in her sentences and always has. I am sure she would love to hear from me, but I don't feel like there is enough thread in the fabric there to work with, ya know? And she no longer has our phone number or address, so....

As for my daughter, yeah she turned on my mom after she lived with her 5 years ago because my mom sought to uphlold accountability, structure and discipline and my daughter hated that.

I have given up trying making to sense of any of it. Because you can't manufacture sense where there is none. I believe that God allowed these things to happen to serve a purpose. I know my husband and I have grown in ways we NEVER could have or would have if we'd kept up our "normal" life with our families. And I keep remembering how good it feels to just trust the Lord. I will not backbite nor will I explain. But I will keep walking toward Jesus beside my husband who is my head. "They" blame my husband for everything, especially moving us far away (which looked like we were "running away" when in fact it had NOTHING to do with any of it). But when you don't care for facts, what does a little thing like the truth matter? (*rolling eyes*) My husband is such a fine man. I am one blessed woman to have him.

I am happy to have found this place where other Christians are also in this odd circumstance. I hope to give and recieve encouragement and a shoulder to lean on here. Keep on walking and living for the Lord and leave the details up to Him.

-Bluemoon

Bluemoon, I love the quote from Abraham Lincoln! I have tried to explain that concept to people, but now I can use that powerful statement from a respected and admired source! Perfect!

My family HATES my DH, too and blame him for everything...the best I can figure it is that they hate me...and hate that he loves me...hence they hate him. LOL My husband is an amazing man of God, too! I am so very blessed!

If you ever want to read my story, it is on a post on here, with a warning that it is long...but really it is no longer than anyone else's story...mine was just all in one post. :-)

This is totally a soft landing spot for those of us in the unusual and bizarre position of being estranged from those we labored for...in childbirth...in life...in prayer and sacrifice. What a strange predicament.

Blessings to you and your DH!

Hello----I am new to this group. But I am so amazed at finding this site today. I know that God's timing is always perfect. Our story is a combination of all of them I have read on here. We all think that we are the only ones going through this mess with adult children----when in truth this is growing more every day.

Our daughter is giving us so much trouble. My husband and I are born again believers and raised both our son and daughter this way. Both accepted the Lord as their savior in the junior high age. We had really no problems and lived a fairly normal, happy life while they were growing up. Once they gradutated from high school the problems started. I will focus on our daughter who is the youngest because we have been going through so much with her. She is married, 36 yrs old, has two little girls. One is 6 and the other is 2 mos old (we have not seen her). Our daughter because rebellious after leaving high school and ended up marrying a man from India who is Hindu (7 yrs ago now). When she married him she was 4 mos pregnant and wrote us a letter telling us they were going to the Bahamas to get married and to be happy for them. Then a couple mos later there was a baby shower for her and I never attended. I was SO hurt and that is the first time in about 30 yrs of marriage that I ever saw my husband tear up. He said, "Now I will never be able to walk her down the aisle." It broke our hearts and shocked us beyond belief. I thought I was going to die----I cried so much. She knew better than to marry a non-Christian but is reaping the choices she made. She is emotionally very unstable even though she is an attorney and they both together are very well off. She dwells on the past and dangles our grandchildren in our face at every corner. She treats us with no respect, saying mean things to us. She came to our city a couple yrs ago to help her brother and wife with their new baby. She did not even want to see us and acted just terrible. We were going to go out to see them after the baby was born but were told we could not come unless we had shots so the baby would not catch anything. They now live about 1800 miles from us.

Last year I found out I have Parkinson's disease and I just cannot take this stress it makes my symptoms advance. She keeps emailing us pictures of the grandchildren trying to make us feel bad. Then she acts like nothing is wrong and then all of a sudden will treat us mean. Her behavior is erratic and we just don't understand her. She is living in a household of someone that is against everything we believe and she knows that. So her response to us is defensive and acting superior. When we used to ask her to open up and discuss what it is that is bothering her about us----she won't do it. She just clams up and continues on. We have talked for hours to her husband and he feels he is in the middle of all this.

Currently, we have cut her completely out of our lives. We have done this teeter-totter event long enough. Ironically today a couple hrs ago to be exact, we received the latest email from her wanting us to meet them in Chicago over the 4th of July week and to let her know what days works best for us. IS SHE NUTS?? We have had no contact for over 5 mos and now she is back to acting like nothing is wrong. We answer no emails or respond to her at all. As far as this all goes we are finished with her forever. It is just so hard because the grandkids are the ones that suffer and that is not fair to them. It is mainly me that has tried to make this all work my husband told me a long time ago to let it go. But now it is finished for good----she followed no boundaries and treats us just like dirt. It is the grandkids that I hurt over but I pray to stay strong and take care of our own health at this point. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this group----it is EXACTLY what I need and God knew it. Praise the Lord for his faithfulness !!

Barbie .... Welcome to the group! Glad you found us but sorry that your circumstances are such that you had to be here.

Give it some time. Stay with us and let us help you find some peace with our stories. We all have been where you are and some are right there with you right now. It takes time - many of us have waited years. Patience is hard and waiting is harder. Try to find a center and take care of yourself.

What you say is so true - it's the grandkids that suffer the most by not knowing the unconditional love that only grandparents can give. It's amazing that these kids don't understand that these days.

Peace & Hugs Keep writing. GuelsMom

Barbie .... I am so glad that you found us. You will find many who are in the same boat and we are doing our best to understand what happened and to not let it happen anymore.

We are truly finding strength in one another to help us through the pain - stay with us and I think you'll find help in dealing with what you are going through. I can imagine how disappointed your DH was that he could not walk his only daughter down the isle but as sad as it is, it was her choice. I hope he can find acceptance of that so that it doesn't become a barrier that makes estrangement even more entrenched than it is.Hugs to you DH for me!

P.S I LOVE YOUR AVATAR! :-)

Thanks for the welcome ! Very kind to do that.

What I forgot to mention is that actually my husband knows her behavior very well. She has always been the type of person that if you are nice to her, she will not respect you or befriend you. She has to have a relationship where she has to chase the person ---- my husband said to leave her alone and watch. He is right she just keeps sending pictures and emails etc. and trying to get our attention. But it is so sickening that she will treat us like dirt if we give in and try to establish a relationship. I am so sick of these crazy games----she needs some serious psycholigical counselling badly.

I sure hope for the best for all of you hurting. This generation coming up seems to be a mess. They all seem like prodical sons and daughters ! Many blessings to all of you.

Barbie, sorry to read the agony you have experienced with your daughter and the harrowing diagnosis of Parkinson's! Such a cross you are carrying and you are right...your symptoms will only be exacerbated by the yo-yo stress of your unstable daughter.

What a blessing you have in your marriage! Your husband sounds very wise and like he has a wonderful heart! I am so glad you have each other through this trial! Our EC leave huge holes in our hearts, but I have been awed by how God fills the emptiness with His love and that of our DH's and great friends. This forum has been an unexpected blessing, too! I will add you to my prayer list!

KimsMom ~~ Welcome. I'm so sorry you have had such a difficult time with your daughter. You've come to the right place. The people are warm and welcoming here. I can certainly understand the difficult road you have traveled with your daughter completely. I'm sorry that your daughter treated you the way she did and now the estrangement that has gone on so long. I've been through all the lies and betrayal too, along with some verbal abuse. It's so hard to understand why so many loving parents have been treated this way by their children.

This is a very hard and difficult journey we're on, but rest assured that someone is watching and He knows all. You know down deep you were not a bad mom, but for some strange reason this nightmare has happened to you as well as others here. Let’s leave it to the One who knows our hearts. Life is hard, but God is great. He loves you.

If I may ask, what was it like before age 13? Was she a part of her dad’s life at all before she started behaving that way? What is your relationship with her like now? You don’t have to answer these questions as all but they just help us to get a better overall picture.