The first time is hardest. It gets easier.

There is always an empty seat when there is a loss through the loss of a loved one through death or estrangement. The best way for me is to count the many blessings in our lives. We must be grateful for those who choose to spend time with us. I think we can also realize what a loss it is for those who have chosen to estrange. They are missing out on what is best for them and their families. God bless you with His strength in our weakness.

I also count my blessings on mothers day. I have a wonderful son who loves me, and spends mothers day with me. Sometimes privately, I look through the handmade gifts my ED made for me when she was younger. She is very artistic, and used to make beautiful gifts for me, and I have every single one of them. I know she tells those in her life how she doesn't love me, but those gifts remind me otherwise. She is caught up in the worlds sins right now, and is being blinded by the devil.
I have those gifts to remind me of the daughter I raised who once loved me very much. May our merciful Lord forgive our children for their treatment of us.

I will also be spending time this Mother's Day honoring my wise and Godly mother who was ushered into Heaven last July. She was almost 95.

It will get easier. We have never really made a fuss over Mother's Day anyway, so that particular holiday isn't that hard for me personally. This year my daughter has to work, my oldest son will be with his wife's mom, and my youngest son is at college, and my ES is well....who knows? My husband and I are going to our cabin in the woods and taking our darling poodle!

The first mother's day, my husband and son took me on a weekend trip away. A change of scenery made things a little easier.
It has been 6 years for me, and as time goes on, it gets easier.

You do learn to celebrate those that are still in your life ... If you focus on making those who are still in your life happy, the day soon passes and it's a little easier. It's a journey and takes time to adjust.

This too shall pass. Just make the most of all that comes, and the LEAST of all that goes....

Ditto everything difficulttime2 said for me, including the amount of years of estrangement. The first year of estrangement, dh and I took a long weekend trip to NC. It helped somewhat but the first years are just so hard. We can give some suggestions to those who are new on this journey but, similar to any loss, it takes "time".

We usually spend Mother's Day with dd. The other day, I asked about Mother's Day? She was not in a good mood and said she "...was tired of planning things." How was that for a warm and loving response? At one time, I would have been so upset and would go on and on about her statement with dh. Today....I laugh at it. She is who she is, I cannot change her and I have many good days with her. I love spending time with my grands and basically, she is just all about herself. I have learned to treasure the good days and thoughtfulness that comes thru on occasion.

That old and true statement about we cannot change others, only ourselves? That is what I have done over these past few years of estrangement both with es and dd. And, this year, I have my new labbie, Bo, so a trip to the beach and walk on the boardwalk will work. I will just be flexible....

Yes, we are all estranged, but it doesn't take away the years of motherhood and love we gave to our children. I wish everyone here a blessed Mother's Day.

The first time is very hard and I don't know that I have advice, but like all of us here, can offer understanding and support. I'm in my 4th year of estrangement and I don't let my mind linger on the subject or I will get too sad, but I don't pretend either. I finally gave all this to Jesus, gave my ed unconditional freedom from me and I try not to look back. God bless you and the rest of your dear family. Praying for all of us.

It does get easier. Like others have said, a change of scenery (any kind of trip) is good for the mind. Also, it has helped us to change up traditions- it doesn't seem so obvious that there is a void. Think outside the box and don't fall prey to the commercial hype of Mother's Day, or any other holiday. We have volunteered the last 2 years on Christmas Day, and that was awesome. It's a wonderful thing to give of yourself to those in need on special days. Be open and willing for God to comfort you and use you in ways you never thought of. His ways are higher than our ways.

This is my first md without youngest son,and my other son has never spent md with me but he texted me this 5 th yr he is 36 yrs old,for me its depressing i feel so lonely that i am not even worth a visit,call.

edr1961 --- most of the hurt our ec give(s) us is not intentional --- it's selfishness. They are self-absorbed in their own little "safe" world and don't really even think about us, not because we are lacking in any way but because they don't want to feel less than adequate....i guess I feel saddest for our es, dil, and 2 precious grandchildren that they cannot be a part of good ol' family fun!!! I will rejoice in those who make the time. Praying for all of us!

Edr1961, don't let your son's selfishness and lack of acknowledgement define your worth!!! I recently read something on Pinterest that said: "Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth."

I'm new to this estrangement thing, but even without it, my tendency is to put my worth or value in what others think of me instead of what God KNOWS about me. In the short time I have been a member here, you've written some things that have made sense to me and helped, so please know that I for one, see your value. My opinion may not matter to you like your son's (well, duh!) but really, our worth is really only in Him anyway.

No doubt we did things wrong as moms, but I would guess that since we all care so much, we did a lot more right than wrong!!! Hugs and prayers all around....

Luke2231 - Babies don't come with instructions. Life is all about making choices. We make choices and hope we have made the right one. Forgiveness is forgiving ourselves and others who have made the wrong choice. This is something that our ec just don't get. I often wonder if they ever think of the wrong choices they have made?

So I am an idiot - I'm watching a Hallmark movie about a wife whose husband died in war and I am remembering when our own es left for war in Iraq - and how my heart lurched each time I heard another soldier had died and how es assured me we would know about him before it ever hit the news...we were his lifeline back then and he said he was serving to prevent fighting the war in own backyard. There are so many precious stories we could tell of that time like: how he treated me like a queen after basic training, when he shared the horrors of war, and then when he called crying over a horrible event that brought up all the horrors of war. I watched gobs of Hallmark movies last Christmas and it seemed every other one had to do with estrangement of some sort. Perhaps I need a good cry about now - again! My Christian co-workers who know es are saddened and confused about him - they don't understand that the pain I feel is not for me and dh alone - it's for him, DIL, an autistic granddaughter we adore, and a baby gs we have never meant. I was the one who encouraged them not to believe the hospital tests that this baby was a girl, then a boy, then a horribly un-gendered baby who would die - the doctors suggested 'it' be aborted. The last tests (before we were cut off) showed little one was just fine - a healthy baby boy, the only one of our grandchildren to carry on the family name. It's a strange blessing that the autistic gd probably doesn't even know we are 'gone' and the baby cannot miss someone he's never met. Small chuckle.
So, back to the movie - thanks for letting me share a little bit more of the fabric of my life.
God bless you all for travelling on this train together. We will have a wonderful time in Heaven sharing our victories and God's grace!

That is what i am talking about so much support from all of you,such great friends we never met God Bless You All