Our children's generation is a sign of the times that we are living in. "In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving...." (2 Tim 3:2) "They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.” (Luke 12:53)…

Ending the nonsense of estrangement would be honoring us. My young adult daughter is living a lie and has so many convinced she's a victim. She has not come to us with her lies, instead she spreads the lies and hides from us--we've only heard things through others and have to believe she is saying them since she will not speak with us. There's just nothing honoring going on, but the worst part is that she has walked away from the Lord and His calling on her life… For her to be in His Will would honor us the most. We raised her with Christ and to see her reject Him along with us is heartbreaking.

Thank-you for sharing from your heart. I can totally identify with you when you say, "Ending the nonsense of estrangement would be honouring us." It would be a wonderful start at least! Anyone else willing to share what "Honouring your parents" looks like to them? Signed "Just wondering"

Honoring parents means to respect and value one's parents. This is the opposite of what our EC are doing. It is God's commandment and not a suggestion. Dishonoring parents is sin and contrary to God's Word. It is from the enemy.

I am not sure what it will take for our EC to change their ways. O that God would work in their lives.

Yes, I definitely agree with the above. Or generation and previous ones felt the call of God in our hearts to honor our parents. What has happened to this generation has been so unexpected. Evil has certainly been prevailing in many of their hearts even though they were raised in Christian homes and taught the values and commandments. I will never understand how or why this is happening. But I do pray constantly that God will open eyes and hearts to the truth, His love, and His Word. God bless all in this situation of being disrespected parents. Happy 2015. Hugs and prayers

For me, I would say honouring means regular contact - by email, phone or in person, at least once a month. My own mother was somewhat abusive, so I can't honestly say that I loved her, but I felt I needed to honour her. I checked in with her regularly, and took her into my home for a year following her stroke to help her heal. After all, she was my mom! It never occurred to me to cut off all contact. So this really is a very different generation.

oct, I think it means just basic respect & consideration of our feelings. My dad was THE most difficult man to get along with & nagged & criticized me my whole life. I STILL treated him with respect & took turns, with my brother, taking care of him in his last years. He was nasty until the day he died. I never had the urge to yell back or be disrespectful to him. I can see down the road, I will be one of those people who gets dropped off at the nursing home & never see my kids. This young generation were raised to have morals & respect, but somehow lost it as they progressed into adulthood. My mother, who left us when I was 8, died alone, & wasn't discovered for 3 days. I have always felt bad about her dying alone. She had 5 kids & died alone. I know it was her choice, but it still makes me sad. She was significantly mentally ill, so I now know why she left us. Even my MIL, who has been a stinker to me, I take care of her too. I was raised to have tremendous respect for my elders, & it stuck. I have been saying for a long time that satan is desperate for souls & is working over time to get them. I rebuke him every day, for myself & my children. God will honor our prayers for our children.

To me, one part of honoring your mother and father, is to view them as human beings, and be understanding and forgiving when they make mistakes, or mis-steps. I hate that there is this double standard with my ES and DIL, that I am supposed to bear all the responsibility for making things better, that I am supposed to somehow atone for my sins, even though my DIL won't talk to me and tell me what my sins are, or were. Also, I wish my ES and DIL would respect the struggles and difficulties I have had in my life, most of which I had no control over. Instead they are hyper-critical of my actions, without ever taking into account that I am a human being, too, who was formed by my life experiences, some of them were profound abuse and neglect, a husband who cheated on me, and then left me and the kids with not enough money to live on. Another life experience is battling serious mental illness for many years. Throughout it all I did the very best I could for my kids, and always put them first. Another way to honor me, would be to honor my temperament, as I did for my kids all of their lives. In other words, just treat me like a fellow human being, who isn't perfect, but who does care and try hard to live my values, and my Christianity. Treat me with the same respect, dignity, courtesy and compassion that I have ALWAYS treated my kids AND DIL with.

I think even basic courtesy would be a form of honoring. One would even do that to a stranger, so why not ones own parents? This son of mine was raised in church, surrounded by people who loved him, and he KNOWS what to do. He knows enough that when someone sends him a gift, he is supposed to say "thank you". I taught him that at the tender age of four, that no matter what gift someone gives you, even if you already have ten just like it, or don't want it, you say "thank you". And to always answer a phone call or a text. I understand that sometimes he is busy, being a lawyer and all, and he told me he was too busy to talk to me, and I was a nag, and so on. So I said I would appreciate even a "smiley face" or a "thumbs up" if he was too busy to talk, just so I would know he was alive. Yet he refuses. So, to me, honoring would be courtesy, and he can't even manage that. BIG sigh.....

erin, your past experiences mirror my own. I think we should be proud of ourselves for having made it through. I was a MUCH better mother than what mine was, that in itself is a victory. I was a good mom, I made more than my fair share of mistakes, as we all do. I get NO consideration for my efforts. All EC do is remember the bad things, never the positive in us.

Thanks to everyone who has shared their thoughts so far. I think we as parents have all tried to do the best we know how. Do we mess up at times? Absolutely! But there are no perfect parents out there and I think in time our EC will come to realize they are as imperfect as their parents are but by then it could be too late and they might not have the privilege of reaching out and reconciling with the ones who have loved them from birth. So very sad. With age usually comes wisdom and they will understand that some of the trivial issues they used as excuses to become estranged from their parents were just that - "TRIVIAL". I am not talking about extremely abusive parents but am referring to the rest of us "Garden Variety" everyday moms and dads, who would lay our life down for our child. I felt at one time that I was a super mom as compared to my own mother but now as I near 60 years of age and my mother is 87, I can see I was fooling myself with my arrogance. Although I tried, and probably succeeded on some level, to avoid the mistakes my own parents made, in reality I just turned around and made some new ones all on my own. Who'd have thought??? I definitely treasure each day I have with my mother and will grieve deeply when God calls her home. My dad passed away when I was 14 years old. My mother did the best she could as a single mom raising 4 girls on her own, (the youngest only 10 months old at the time). We all need to have the hand of grace and forgiveness extended to us because we all are imperfect, even those EC of ours who think they are without fault. But they will learn this hard lesson in time. In the mean time we grieve.

A Christian article I read said that honoring parents is not to be done out of merit. All parents(with very few exceptions) are to be honored and respected. None of us are perfect parents neither are our EC.

I think WE are the last and final generation who understood what "honoring" our parents was about. What it meant, what it means.....

I'm 51 - my son will be 29. He was raised to believe in God but church wasn't a constant at some point - because we moved a lot and just really couldn't find our footing in one. We raised him to be polite and compassionate in a world that is anything but and in a world whose aim was to displace a sense of honor to family and in fact to be at odds with it.

I think our children, along with whatever mental/emotional health issues they may have had would be challenged by an INFLUENCE more powerful than we ourselves ever could have known.

The world - our world, whether Christian or not; people were more respectful to their parents. Not that previous generations were picture perfect, but they and we ...highly regarded family connections, heritage, certain values and principals. Some of us saw and were part of the early MTV generation,,,but someway made our way back towards sensible living, or the "light" if you will.

My parents weren't great, in fact, there was much abuse, neglect, addiction in my family - yet me and my siblings for the most part managed to show respect. Yes, there were times when there were distances or fights but healing and resolve were important things to do. Sure, if a parent is a toxic creep, you stay away from them but if there are redemptive qualities and you have compassion for them, you put things aside.

WE, I was a better parent than my own were. What's common to EC is either they are doing really well in their lives and have replaced US as their touchstones and points of support with something else or they meet their significant other who interjects problems into the relationship and in their own weakness...they side with them. It becomes an us against them kind of thing.

With my semi-estranged son - I really believe it has partly to do with having such low self esteem (which encompasses work history, money, anger, past disappointments, past drug use, mental health issues, relationship issues w/toxic girlfriend etc) that he only calls when he's either feeling elated and on top of the world or when he's very anxious about something and needs supportive advice or money.

The relationship is based on HIS need(S) but because of his dysregulated mood history, we've decided NOT to completely disengage ourselves. However, sometimes I have distanced myself because it's just so painful - emotionally exhausting... and / or sometimes I feel really angry or numb.

We've tried to talk to him about showing gratitude, care and concern...and it's awkward; he seems either annoyed and stupidly arrogant about it or ,,,says he'll try to do better. Point being - this generation is the least respectful and honoring - yet the most overly sensitive, fragile, self-entitled monsters - yes, I feel it's my right to say it...made from the spewing ooze of discontent and raging evil that only maybe outside of a miracle, could the tides be turned around.

I'm a bit late to the discussion, but I think honor speaks to giving one "time". When we honor God, we give him time - whether is in worship, in Bible reading, prayer, or walking the walk in our own lives. We hold that person in high regard.
Bill Johnson describes honor as celebrating or calling forth what is best in that person.
Our children are not doing that.

In fact, do you know in the old testament if there was a son who dishonored his parents and brought shame to his family and refused to be redeemed, that those parents were to bring them to the leaders and he was to be stoned?
That's pretty doggone harsh but it shows what an incredibly high priority God puts on unrepentant disobedience of even adult children and the shame and heartbreak they bring to their parents.
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In the New Testament we are given the story of the prodigal son in order to see God' s mercy but it doesn't erase the commandment for children to honor their parents.

I feel that I honor my own mother in calling to make sure she's okay - making sure she spends time with her grandkids and including her in plans when we go somewhere or at least extending the offer. I love my mom and I cannot imagine ever doing to her what my daughter has done to us. It would break her heart and that would break mine!

I honor my father who has passed away by continuing to press in to the Lord. I know that is for the Lord and for me and that I would do that anyway -- but when DD used to complain about going to church, saying "I won't listen anyway!" I would say "We are going to church. In this house we honor God on Sunday. Papa always had us in church on Sunday and if for nothing else, go because it is what Papa wanted for us - to honor his wishes". Same for my grandmother - she used to remind me to always bring my children to church no matter what and have them in the house of the Lord. Now I know that church isn't "where it's all at" as far as a personal relationship with the Lord, but when everything in me wanted to say to DD "Then stay home." I would think of my dad....and I would tell her "Go for Papa then." I knew I had to bring that up to DD in her last couple of years here, because at that point, DD wanted nothing to do with the Lord.
but turns out she didn't care much about honoring what Papa would have wanted either; the minute she turned 18, I think she celebrated that she didn't need to be in church ever again if she didn't feel like it. :(

The one thing we know is to honor parents is a commandment.

Talit, I was just thinking how young 18 is. There are many lessons your DD will learn. May God bring to her mind how she can always return home.

Thank you. I know - she's just a baby. I think of myself when I first turned 18. She was still 17 when she planned all of this.
I can't believe how "young" I was at that age.
Yeah my parents drove me nuts but I loved them.

Today we saw her in the grocery store where she works. I know she had seen us already but as we left, I tried to catch her eye. I gave her a smile and a wave - she gave me a sort of "fake" smile. I ca'nt explain it, but we know that smile as parents.
I thought of the first time she smiled as a baby - and it was at my husband in the kitchen when he came home from work and scooped her up out of her baby seat when she was five weeks old. I remember it like it was yesterday.
As I pushed the cart, out the door, my eyes filled with tears and all of us walked to the car, a dear friend from church was coming the other way. The store was mobbed; the parking lot was enormous...yet here she was coming directly at us - having parked in the same place. I never could have planned that.

This dear woman told me she prays for my child every time she goes into that store.

Anyway, so we stopped and chatted with this woman and then moved on. I said to DH "God sent her - She is our angel today. Do you see - we were there and I prayed for our daughter. We are leaving and now SHE will go in and pray".
No way could we have planned that encounter.
The tears I had were gone and I knew the Lord was right there.
God's got this. He's got US.
Somehow, he's got it.
It's the "meanwhile" that hurts. But even for that, He's there to bind up our wounds.....