Yes, lostall, I think she may be wanting a relationship. I found out that she is having a c-section for this baby, as it is breech like the first one. It's hard thinking my baby is going to have surgery and I won't be there and probably will not hear how she did. I think at this late date, it would be difficult to be there in that I think with the ES there too, it would be very stressful on my ED, and I wouldn't want that for her. I did offer assistance if she wanted to call or write me...so that is up to her. I will just keep praying for her and baby and all to go well.

Thanks for asking about the job lindajoan. They are suppose to be sending me an offer. I still don't feel I have an answer on whether this job is for me or not. I am concerned about how stressful it will be. Normally, I just jump into things and go for it, but lately I have found that I am very easily stressed...not much reserve anymore for all that has gone on, with my EC, the move, and my father's death. If this job is for me, I will need God to really let me know, as I will need His strength to get through the stressful stuff. So I am waiting.

Ladies, I hear so many of us, me included who are at the end of our tethers in weariness of spirit and emotional stamina. I would caution all of us, me included most definitely too, that from what I know about PTSD...Post Traumatic Stress Disorder...any kind of trauma to our emotions can cause someone to suffer from this disorder...even car wrecks can cause this, it's not just something our vets come home from war with. Losing children and grandchildren is very traumatic as we all know! I was diagnosed with it at age 35 due to the abuse in my childhood....it stays with us for a long time! I was able to get over it then mostly due to finding the Lord shortly after I was diagnosed with it. I was not bothered with it again until I lost my ES! So there is hope in the Lord for each of us to become emotionally strong again, but until the Lord heals us, we need to be careful and not push ourselves emotionally beyond what we can handle!

I am personally praying for the Lord to bring revival into my life...as I am feeling so battle weary and burnt out lately emotionally and physically that I just can't seem to recover my stamina like I could before the Estrangement.

With the holidays upon us, we all need to hold on tight.

Yes, lostall...I know exactly what you are talking about on the stamina. I have found that things that wouldn't stress me, now do...and I get to a point where I just feel like I am going to shut down. I have been trying to limit the stress around me. Even just deciding I will wait and get something done another time, I will just take a moment and breathe for me. Not something I ever used to do and its hard, because most of us feel we don't have the time and just try to keep plowing through. I am trying to stop and take a little more time. Not very good at it yet, but a work in progress!
Oh, I sent an email back, made some conversation and then asked her if she would like me to pray for anything in particular for her...and after my love Mom, mentioned the address, and said could send by snail mail at some point, as I am uncomfortable with that personal info over the internet. She may be mad that I didn't do it her way, but I cannot walk on egg shells. I felt like saying, you couldn't be bothered to tell me you were having another baby, because" our relationship isn't at a place" to do that... yet you expect that anything you ask of me, must be obeyed. I was tempted of course...but I know that would only drive her away.
Such a hard journey for all of us! I just keep praying.

I would send her the address since you said you would. I can't see a problem with her having your address. I think it would help with communication since you would see each other's handwriting and personal things like pictures could be sent. My ED recently sent me an apology letter, but didn't include her return address, so it just confuses me why she's holding back. I assume your ED would feel the same way if she didn't get your address. What harm could come of it?
I hope your job offer comes through with what you want. I think it would be a good distraction for you, so you're concentrating on something else

Feelinghelpless, I remember doing the same in the past in regard to my own Estrangment with abusive dad and co-dendent mother. The Lord convicted me I had been disrespectful and not honoring due to I felt they did not deserve it due to abuse and neglect. So I obeyed God and sent a letter asking their forgiveness but did not include my address as I was not ready yet, due to having no idea if they had changed enough for me to trust them, while at same time not sure I could trust myself to set a boundary if needed.

To be clear, my point is not that I am in any way saying you are or were abusive, but just giving you the perspective of what your ED might be thinking when she reached out but did not give you a way to reach back yet. I would take it as a very positive sign of a heart change, bathe her and you in the Blood to prevent the enemy from sabotaging this change and let the Holy Spirit work some more....I am hearing "be still and know that I am God" in my thoughts....May God bless you with His peace while you wait....

My heart is singing praises this morning....my ED wrote back again, told me she is having the baby this Saturday, unfortunately c-section, the baby did not turn...they tried. I had asked her what I could pray for and she told me to pray that there would be no complications and a healthy baby. I know she is scared. I want to put my arms around her and protect her. I have already replied that I would pray. The door is open!! I did not make any requests, nor would I ask to come. The relationship is too strained and I don't feel called to go. Very hard, but I know God will be with her in the OR as well as her guardian angels. I will write her on Friday and send her the verse she was given by her father and I at birth when she was dedicated, and some encouraging words. I will hope that they will let me know all is well on Saturday, but I will take my concerns and worry to the Lord. He is good!!! He answers prayer! I know this is a step, I feel very encouraged....I am trying to just breathe, scared that this may not last, but I just have to trust the Lord in the outcome. I am so afraid to have my heart wounded more! prayers please, and thank you again my friends for your support....I feel like I am on a roller coaster and so afraid!

grandmama I am so happy for you. That door is open! Praise God!!! ((((HUGS)))))

May God bless your grandbaby's birth, your grandbaby, your daughter, your family, you and your relationship.
In Jesus name. Amen

Praying with you Grandmama!

Thank you for the hugs and prayers....I have been teary all morning with happiness. I keep thinking I need to be guarded as this can turn around in a second, but somehow I just need to feel celebratory and thankful right now. There is a long way to go, there is still my ES, there is no contact. My ED has a great influence on him, in fact pulled him into the whole Mother's Day thing...so I am hopeful that maybe she will have a good influence on him later on, but for now, I will take this step and be thankful and keep praying!

This is a praise grandmama. Please keep us posted on how the baby is. You are doing the right things.

I really think, as bad as it is, that if we will take crumbs, that it is the only way to have a relationship with them. It just depends on if your heart can take the hit and miss attention. May God help us all. (hugs)

Grandmama2 I really can feel your concerns. The only thing is to trust God as he knows what is best for you and EC. It is very difficult when the fear of being hurt again is there. I am wondering what I would do in your position. However,I have an ED who won't even return communication but I know if she did I would feel exactly like you. I can only think of asking God to take over this dilemma and make it a good outcome for everyone. Ask him to change all concerned (ourselves included) so a reconciliation will never ever lead to future estrangement. Of course we cannot expect to never have another misunderstanding but that God erases the 'habit'/'knowledge' of the negative power of estrangement (already used and feared to be repeated by EC - the worst torture) from the minds of our EC so they don't remember how easy it is to use estrangement as a way to get out of misunderstandings instead of talking and forgiving each other like most families do. Walking on eggshells is not a good thing both mentally and physically. Sometimes that is the only option and only we know if we are strong enough for it. I am hoping that God will reconcile you and all of us who are in a worse or better position that you are in now and guide us to forgiving and be at peace whatever future he feels will be best for us, in his plan. Everything happens for a reason but we are only human and need God's help to guide us as he only knows every detail of our dilemma better than we do ourselves.

thank you for your words valerieia! After receiving her last email and being excited I started to plan what I would do and say next. A very good friend recommended to be careful. God got it this far, not me. I gave my children up to Him. I have to be ever so careful and not try and take this relationship back..so I am waiting on Him to let me know what to do next. I am waiting and listening. I cannot do this on my own. This is very very hard for me, very hard for me....I can't say that enough. I want to get this, I want to get that God is in control, not me, not her. I wonder will it always be so hard, I hope not. I can only ask for strength that God alone can give...I have to remind myself over and over. I want to protect myself from more wounds as I don't want to go through what I went through at the beginning and pray that God would protect me from that. I don't want this to consume me, ED is not #1 in my life, God is, and I have asked God to show me His purpose for me. Right now I believe He is teaching me to be close and trust Him. I am a work in progress! Thank you for letting me share and reading my words...I am ever so greatful for all of us here on this website. This is such a painful journey ...hugs

God Bless you grandmama2. You are so right in what you say... giving everything to God. With God's guidance all will work out. Hugs and God Bless.