I would say, You can call me anytime. I'd love to talk to you.

(hugs)

It was encouraging that she responded and said I love you. Do you live far? I believe I woukd follow up after the baby is born with a card or gift. You could let her know you would love to see her and the baby. She may be opened to it. God bless.

Paws4it's words are perfect - short, no lectures, just opening the door.

Thanks Norske. Hopefully, like lindajoan said she will be open to it.
(hugs)

what a praise! at least she responded. She is still in control so unfortunately, you have to be careful with what/how you respond. I would keep it short/simple but loving.
This new baby may be the very thing that brings you back together. :)

Thanks everyone..your suggestions are very helpful in helping me control my first thought which would probably reflect anger.

I just wrote her, and told her that my heart hurts, and that one day I hope to understand. I then went on with just a short sentence about settling in and finding a church home. Then ended it with agreeing that a new little one is exciting, and i stand ready to assist just give me a call or write...and that I am praying for God's richest blessings on her and her family. I miss her and I love her. That was it, short and sweet.

Will pray that God can use this communication to soften her heart, open the door for more communication. I may try some sporadic emails that come as just an update, after the baby is born, couple of sentences and see where that goes..not sure. Will wait on God's timing...and pray.

May God mend your broken family, grandmama..
In Jesus name. Amen
(hugs)

That sounds just right. God bless you

Praying this is the first step toward reconciliation. At least she returned a message. Many of us can't get that.
May God bless and we keep you in our prayers

I agree that you have some positive openings here! I praise the Lord for this for you Grandmama!

In searching my own past estrangements with my Mother, I remember that I always was very clear what boundary had been breached in my heart, so I am unclear what her refusal to address that with you means. But the fact she responded to me seems like her heart surely must not be completely closed to you at this time....although remembering the ups and downs of hormones at this time in a woman's life...I'd still tread lightly just incase she's more under the influence of her hormones that her heart right now or in the next few days as we all know how labor and delivery effect that too!

My stand by in times like this is to always respond in love because the Bible says love never fails...you can't go wrong with love!

Thank you for the prayers, hugs, support, encouragement and advice! I received another reply from her which I am thrilled about, but like you lostall, I am cautious. She wants our new address and I am very reluctant to give it to her. She has me so restricted on FB that i can see nothing. I think if she were to change this I would feel she has given a little her way. I know she is curious about the house we bought where we just recently moved too. Its 5 hours away, so they aren't just going to pop by, and with a third baby on the way...again that isn't going to happen. I know you can look it up on the internet with the address. She did send me drawings the kids did in the mail..no pictures of the kids, just drawings no notes, nothing. When I did not send bd cards to them, she stopped sending anything. I felt the drawings from the GC were painful like a reminder of we are here, but you are not going to ever know us. It was painful to receive these (I think 2 times) since she had cut me off from everything else and would not respond. So I really don't want that again. She hasn't sent anything since we moved, and she knows it would be forwarded for a 6 month period. I feel like it is just curiosity on her part and I am not sure I am willing to share that information with her when she has shared nothing with me, other than they are excited about the birth, but no details, when the baby is due or is she having a c-section like she did her first (she was breech) or anything about the girls...just that they are excited and then an ask for my address. I am not sure how to respond or should I inquire when she is due and ignore the address request? I don't want to do this wrong, but I also don't want to feel like she got what she wanted and silence again, which has been the case before. What do you all think?

Grandmama,
I have a dear friend who is just now in the first weeks of what looks to be a solid reconciliation with her ED. We had just had this very conversation so I will share a bit what she very wisely told me. I have had my where abouts, address, FB, etc... all pretty tightly locked down same as you. I keep having these thoughts pop into my head recently that I think are the Holy Spirit prodding me about loosening up my privacy settings on FB and have kept fighting the urge to go public again so that my kids could find me if they came looking. My friend has been on and off of FB so many times due to her ED hurting her on there, that I expected her to agree with my wanting to stay locked down. Her words kind of shocked me but she's where I want to be now with her no longer estranged daughter, so I listened to her. My friend got back on FB about 6 months ago and this time did not lock it all down tight but stayed out there in view of her at that time ED. Then she explained to me what that had enabled her ED to do. Seems as though her ED had been watching her mother's page and began to see a difference in her mother due to a recent new church and some real growth in the Lord, so the ED watched and waited to see if the change was real and lasting. When the ED finally felt safe with the changes the Lord had brought in her mother, the ED chose to personal message her mother and invite her to a Bday party for the GD. My friend made this point....the FB page and personal message was a safe way for the ED to communicate with her mother yet not invite an unscripted conversation that might go bad and end in strife if buttons got pushed. So they went to the dinner, had a brief mutual conversation of what each was hoping for, set some boundaries, my friend offered a brief apology for things she felt she'd done wrong in the past, and then the evening began and ended in a wonderful new beginning for all of them. Now to be clear, the ED and her DH have also changed and grown quite a bit, so there was some real Holy Spirit work going on here in this reconciliation. Then my friend and ED spent the next couple of weeks getting reacquainted and caught up again on FB where conversations could be thought out and not taken down old paths and today they are actually having their first all day visit in person with each other.

I have surmised from watching this that for them, keeping safe distances in safe situations has allowed the ED to feel safe with a mother she stated to me she thought was too "controlling" and for my friend, she has been allowed to see that the ED's DH is no longer the monster she thought he was and now my friend is falling in love with this boy. But this boy has done some growing and changing too so that has been a huge factor in the reconciliation.

I think the "safe zones" or boundaries they all kept behind at first with each other was the key in all of this working like it has. So I would not myself now refuse any offer of contact, as she could be checking you out to see if she thinks you are "safe" or not in communicating with. The other key is that the "safe zones" kept the spirit of strife out of it....that spirit is a relationship killer for sure! When we are together with anyone who we have a history of strife with, that spirit is there in the middle of our gathering just waiting for an opening. It knows our triggers, our weaknesses, and it strikes like a rattlesnake and before you know it one or all of us is filled with strife again and the fight is on! I personally now would never have a face to face with my ES without praying and covering myself and them with the Blood of Jesus and lots of spiritual warfare prayers in advance. This is a war we are in for our EC and we must not loose sight of that or we will continue to lose opportunities like you have now to satan's schemes against us!

You all are the best...thank you, thank you for being so responsive and supportive...hugs! Lostall wasn't sure if you knew that it is my ED that has restricted me from her FB, not the other way around. She is emailing me her responses, not FB. What's interesting is that she is the control person...and i think a lot of her cutting me off is because I would no longer fall into place with her control and one-sided behavior. No give, just take. But I realize her way to work the issue is to cut me off and hope I conform back to her way of ..."give to me, but expect nothing in return"..she want things to stay the way they are and not be the adult and learn its a "give and take both ways". I am not sure how this will work, because I can no longer live that way, and I tried being ever so careful to stand up for myself and say what I had wanted to say for a long time. It was when I went unrecognized for Mothers Day that I shared my feelings of being hurt and that just a cup of coffee...a card....and.... all you know what, broke loose. Anyway, I want to reconnect...but the problem still remains. And her husband is very insecure about their relationship, since my ED is a very strong woman...and makes remarks to me that it is my fault that she is this way. I have never said anything back, but remained silent and stuffed my feelings down of such disrespect for me, in that I didn't want to rock the boat. However, a year ago last Mother's Day I tipped it ever so slightly by expressing my feelings and bam....they sank me and cut me off. Perhaps there has been some counseling by now for both, who knows...but I want the reconnect, and then see what happens. t I need to be prepared if more disrespect occurs as to how to handle. I will check with my counselor to have some verbiage prepared..and not try to go it on my own. I think with her request for our address..someone suggested that I tell her that I don't want to put that in email across the internet and will snail mail it and in the meantime see what she replies. Or maybe ask her a question or two in the email about how SHE is doing (being that she is just about to have her baby) and see if she wants to continue conversation and share about herself. I could ask her to let me know when she has the baby, I can send something and include my new address....still mulling it over.
I really want to make sure i don't lose the opportunity of continued conversation with her. it's hard not to just be myself as a Mother and talk about everything like we used to. I am afraid to ask anything..yet she has no problem. I don't want to always walk on eggshells.

Grandmama, it is always hard to know and you want to do it as right as you can. After praying, if you still feel led not to share the address then leave it out for now. I would care more about showing interest in the upcoming baby. It would be wonderful if you could get there. Please keep us posted.

How is the job situation?

Grandmama, thanks so much for the back ground. It helps me understand your situation better. I think you are wise in getting help from your counselor as well, that's what I would do too! I have had a lot of bad experiences over the years with people who have to be in control. I had to learn much the hard way in understanding them before I managed to learn how to avoid much of the power plays that I got into in the past. People with control issues are actually very insecure and fearful. When they loose control of someone or a situation they get filled with anxiety and panic. The very fact that she is reaching out speaks a lot of hope to me that she wants a relationship with you. I also understand your reluctance to always walk on eggshells....that describes this dance with our EC exactly!!