Absolutely my friend. I have to be careful not to be consumed with how I can fix things. In my flesh I want so badly just to do something to make things better. But there isn't anything I can do that will heals things with my DIL and son. I have to trust God that He knows what they need and is working on them even though we can't see what He is doing right now.

Hang in there and let the Holy Spirit guide you. He will give you the grace and strength to do what you need to do and to do nothing when that is what is needed.

forgottenmom, I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My relationship with God & Jesus has grown SO much in the last 2 months. It's like my eyes have been opened. I have felt more peace in my heart in the last month than ever before. I keep remembering God's command to "honor thy father & mother", neither of which my son has done. I just told God last night "I cant take this anymore, it's driving me mad, he's all yours God, please take care of him". I have also been reading the Psalms & they give me comfort. I read the passage "anyone who finds these words will be comforted", it's true! If I thought for one minute he would move home & be responsible & respectful, I would let him move home, but I honestly feel he wouldn't do either of those. It would be a 1 or 2 month vacation for him. He would mope around the house, play video games, & sleep. No thank you, he did that when he was 20 & I cannot take it anymore.

Has he said specifically that he wants to stay that long? If he just wanted to come for a visit for a week or two that would be different. How does your husband feel about him coming and staying?

At first, he said 3 months, then 2 months, & now that I have threatened to charge rent, it is down to 1 month. I told him that realistically, no one is going to hire him for 1 or 2 months. During ALL his visits in the past, all he wants to do is sleep, mope, & play video games. He wont even load his own dirty dishes. As soon as he gets what he came home for, he lapses into laziness. If I thought for 1 minute it would just be a 2 week visit, I wouldn't hesitate letting him come home. I know him, & it would be an extended vacation for him, where he wouldn't have to work, go to school, or do anything around the house. He would also verbally abuse me, he always does. He moved back in when he was 20 after a breakup, & that is what he did. He hates me until he needs something. He has told me enough times he has NO respect for me & that I was some kind of monster mother. He verbally abased me less than 3 weeks ago, telling me I was a horrible mom & person. He would also have to drop out of college to come home. There are no psychiatrists where we live, no good counselors, & the only good place to get a job easily is Cabela's, but they wouldn't hire someone for 1 or 2 months. If he were honest with them, he would have to tell them he wont be here that long. Plus, he wants to be able to keep his apt. in Omaha. He wants a vacation from reality, & I don't think that is what's best for him. My nerves cant take much more...

My husband is not supportive of him moving home. Weve been down this road before, & after he leaves, he will just start with the verbal abuse again...it's his pattern,

gordos4 It is so hard when you are in the forest. We have the advantage of stepping back and reading the posts. What I have read you say many times is that you can not take it any more. Your DH seems to agree. In my humble opinion, I don't think you believe it would be best for you son to move in. Am I right? Of course, we always have guilt (we are parents) but guilt is not of Jesus. That is from the enemy.

Please stay close to the Word where your strength is coming from. The Lord would not want us to be verbally abused in our homes. God bless you as you stay strong in the Lord.

As I read your posts...you are giving your own answer...but if you really want someone who is going to take a vacation at your sole expense...then I would be glad to come and fill in...I will even say thank you and help with the dishes...and I hate video games. I will also walk you r dog if you have one...I love dogs.

Do we see what we are willing to put up with from these entitled self centered kids under the guise of what ???

AllK

You are right lindajoan, it is would not be good for me either. I just don't want to be told again & again what a horrible mother I was/am. I am not strong enough right now to watch him sleep & mope all day. It would be a step back for him, instead of moving forward. Maybe Im being selfish in protecting myself? Ive been enduring his verbal abuse for over 10 years. I think the Lord said "when" & "that's enough".

I wouldn't be going back and forth on whether he could come back or not. Just the fact of verbal abuse to you would give me the answer. My DIL was very verbally abusive to my husband and me and we told her that could not happen....period.

The hard thing is that if you tell him no verbal abuse and pay rent and he has weeks, what if he doesn't pay rent, verbally abuses you, etc. how are you and your DH going to get him to leave?

I thought of that too Norske. We would have to go through the courts to evict him. I know him, & I know he would spend the whole time living here doing nothing. I just spoke to my youngest son, & he told me that Derek (my oldest) is starting his counseling next week. That gave me a glimmer of hope.

Norske, what was your daughters response to you telling her that?

gordos, In answer to your question about whether you are being selfish my opinion would be that you are being wise. You want the best for your son and The Lord gives us wisdom to protect ourselves. Be strong in The Lord.

Norske, what was your daughters response to you telling her that? When I told my son that, he denied ever having done it. I guess "you were horrible mom" & "you are a loser mom" aren't verbal abuse in his book.

This young man is 28 years old. In 10 more years he will be 38 years old. That's almost middle aged in our youth oriented society. He is still holding onto his adolescent rudeness and inability to function based on his emotional tenderness. I'm sorry, but life doesn't work that way, and if you want to do your son a favor, let him go back to his paid for apartment in Omaha and get a good job and find another girlfriend. There are millions of them. One is as good as another. They all look alike and they all act alike. That sounds harsh, but that's how I feel.

Every human being has to come to a place where he faces life alone. We parents are facing that time in our sorrow that our children don't have the affection for us that we had dreamed they would. Our children must also face that time. They know we are there and that we love them. That is why they feel so free to treat us so unkindly. Your young man must now become a man and stop being a child. It's hard, but life is hard.

Gordos4 - when I told my DIL that she could not swear in our home, she took my son's hand and walked to the front door, then turned around and shouted at us f_ _ _ you! She shouted the words, no letters like FY, the whole two words at the top of her lungs.

That was the last time we saw them. My son emailed me that he didn't want any cards, presents, etc. and to not call or email him. That he would contact me when he was up to that again.

What the heck - up to "that" again? It was his wife who swore at us. All we did was tell her she had to stop. That was 6+ years ago. but, there was no way I was going to allow her to treat us with disrespect.