This post stumped me at first. The ages of these young people are so very young. Having 3 older sons than that I can almost say with certainty that this relationship will not last. With that being said I don't believe I would get into any detail of your life or your son's life with this young immature girl. . I believe I would simply thank her for her kind letter. The less said the better often times.

If it were me, I would not respond without praying about it - a lot! Ask God what He would have you do or not do - what He would have you say, or not say. She sounds extremely manipulative as well as disrespectful. What way is that to speak to her boyfriend's Mother by telling her how it's going to be and calling the shots?! You said she controls him, so now she is trying to control you! This girl obviously has no problem with overstepping personal boundaries and only you can fortify your personal boundaries to make it clear that her behavior is unacceptable.

By saying how important it is to her that her man puts Christ first, but to be so dishonorable to his mother says volumes about her.

Pray, pray, pray and pray some more - God will direct your steps in how to handle her.

I agree with both of you !!! She is very manipulative and she honestly scares me a bit- I am not sure what lengths she would go to, to get what she wants. Praying is a must and hoping that it ends sooner rather than later is a hope.
Sadly her Mom is involved and she is just as bad if not worse. Mom texted me letting me know what she was going to do to help my son with his rehab, all her plans were going against what the counselors recommended, I asked her nicely to let my husband and myself take care of our son. Then the girlfriend called my son and said that if I did not apologize for being so mean to her Mom she would break up with him. That was the beginning. They try to keep him away from his family and he never sees his friends. Her Mom goes on dates with them because she is a single parent and does not like to be alone!! Then she posts EVERYTHING on Facebook and tags him in it!!! I quit following him on Facebook because it hurts to much to see it all. Most people are mostly good and make poor choices, I believe they are not.

Just my 2 cents .... maybe your son will marry her, and maybe he won't.... Her mother sounds waaaay overly involved. I just wouldn't 'go there' if I were you. Be kind, but keep a healthy distance. You do not need to be best friends with the girl's mother either. A little distance is a good thing. Don't get pulled into the drama.

The girl is so very young ... and they're kinda young and dumb at this age. They don't know what they don't know and it doesn't sound like her mother is a source of wisdom for her daughter either.... So take what she says and does with a grain of salt.

I always like to let people do what they are going to do, or say what they want. It isn't your place to tell them what to do or not do concerning your adult son IMHO. Your son will either choose to move forward with this girl, or not.

Unless specifically asked, I don't give my adult son my opinion. Even when asked, I am careful. He was also engaged to a young girl ... lots of drama, lots of drama with her family.... Now they are not engaged and don't speak to each other....

I know when you're in the middle of it, it's hard to watch. It's one of the reasons I don't do facebook.... These teens and young 20 somethings are so immature and are so into drama .... so much of it you can avoid if you just keep a healthy distance and boundary.

As far as her letter to you .... I'd just say thank you.... There's not much too deep about them when they're 17 ... kinda like the light's on, but nobody's home ... Let it go and don't think too much about what she says or does... Just my 2 cents because I've been there....

Thanks I hear the wisdom in your words. I will thank her and move on with my
Life. My son needs to figure out his own on his own.
I hope that you have a Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to you too ....
and I'll tell ya, the stupid things these kids do and say nowadays is just mind blowing. I think the technology, the age of 'selfies' and just the age we live in has alot to do with it.
Mostly, I just think that these kids just share their foolishness with each other on things like social media ... there is no role models or wisdom in these kids lives anymore ... they are on 24/7 watching the 'wisdom' of the 'Kardashians' ... (tongue in cheek!) ....
It is what it is, but if you can sort of side step even a little of their drama, I consider it a blessing! HUGS & hang in there!

Any ideas on what to say when I choose to not re-friend the girlfriend who un-friended me to start with?
Facebook for me has been a great place for support and devotional readings and we have family all over the country and we keep in touch that way, so I don't want to give it up. I do not want to be involved in her drama
Thanks !.

Oh wow, this situation has danger written all over it. She sounds eerily like a younger version of my DIL. Mine would do weird things like yours (i.e. the letter saying what a fine Christian son you raised, when he has strayed from the Lord) stuff like that. She would put things on Facebook for the whole world to see such as "F-CK his whole family" and then send a sappy sweet text hours later telling me she was telling her priest what a Godly woman I am, and asking about Beth Moore Bible studies! Just weird, up and down behavior, where one behavior would totally not support the other behavior. And oh yes, she also is very manipulating and controlling and in her mind she is the one who put him through law school. She has said that to many people, which is not true, but in her mind it is. And like you, I am scared of her. I would tread very, very lightly where she is concerned. Don't ever offer her too much information, or get too chummy. Respond politely, but never get into too much depth with her. Keep it on the surface.

Always pray about what you do, but also think how Jesus would respond. He wouldn't get wrapped up in the drama, but always extends kindness. If someone does something nice reward them with a thank you. Ignore the negative. If they want to be friends on facebook it could be a means of witnessing. Your posts could be very positive. I work with kids with emotional behaviors and it helps if any little thing that can be praised is praised and negative behavior ignored or dealt with quickly and then not brought up again

Re: "Any ideas on what to say when I choose to not re-friend the girlfriend who un-friended me to start with?"

I guess after being burned so many times by always trying to be "nice", I really don't care anymore what anyone thinks if I have to make a choice to unfriend them or block them, etc. We are the adults and we really don't owe anyone, especially a 17 year old whom we barely know, an explanation for our actions.

I got so fed up with unasked for opinions, snooping into my business, and the games people play, that I unfriended all blood relatives. I've had so much peace of mind since I did because I can be myself. I hadn't seen most of these people in years, so I figure, if they want to know about me, they can pick up the phone or email me. I'm just really protective like that now. Not everyone that wants to be your friend has pure motives and I'd say most do not - especially when it comes to family.

I originally thought she emailed you. I did not realize it was FB. Do as you believe God is leading you. I still would respond with a very simple thank you if it were me.

I think I'd let it ride ... and not re-friend her. These kids friend and unfriend constantly. If you do refriend her, I would imagine, you will be unfriended again and around and around again you go.
I'd try to keep it hanging there until and unless she confronts you and asks you specifically ... and then I guess I would just to keep the peace at that point.
But at 17 years old, she probably won't even think too much about it ... I'd leave it hang there and see what happens and push it back as long as I can. But that's just me ... you have to do what you think you should do... Hang in there!

I suspended my fb account, do not answer texts. I am the adult! I didn't grow up with all these new ways of communication and I am taking my own stand on how I want to communicate and that is.....Let your fingers do the walking & CALL. I am so sick of all the abbreviations, one word answers, etc. My opinion....IMPOLITE to say the least. A simple phone call is so much more personal and knowing a person took the time out for you means so much more. As for fb....I know so many who just reads to give them something to gossip about and then there are those who can't say what they want to say in person so they air their dirty laundry on fb. It's like a Silent Jerry Springer show. Sorry, I don't have time for that. What I don't know won't hurt me and what they want to know, but don't have the guts to ask, is killing them. It took a long time to figure it out, but OH YEH,,,, there is peace in that decision. If they don't want to be a part of my life, then don't sneak to find out what is going on in my life.
Sorry, MG, you touched on a sensitive spot of mine! I absolutely would not re-friend her. If you need an answer for your actions just say I don't have time. Let them figure out what you don't have time for! If they have intelligence at all, their conscience will answer back for you.

yup sounds just like the one my son dated and then married......she has total and complete control over him now....financially, emotionally, and physically .....to the point when he was very very sick with a high fever she refused to let me see him....I just wanted to check to see if his fever was so high he might need to go to the doctors...she does not believe in going to the doctors and so would not let me check on him...barred the doorway and pushed me and threatened me .....that if I tried to get in to see him she would hurt me.....so there you go...this is your future if you don't get your son to break up with this girl now before it is too late.....I hope you can get him to come to reason,......I was not able to with my son......

Oh, that's OK :) Look, I'm just going to be honest here - the older I get, the lower my tolerance level is for all manner of BS. I can't stand game players and I will not stand to be controlled or manipulated by anyone. That is the beauty of getting older - that hopefully we gain wisdom from dealing these types of people. The Bible says to let our yes be yes and our no be no, and that is the type of people I get along with and respect. I can pretty much see a manipulator coming in my direction for miles away and I stay as far away from them as possible, offering absolutely no explanations!

Not my circus - not my monkeys!