I know exactly how you feel, I had the same experience. People who have not experienced estrangement have no idea the depth of the pain. I felt like a failure because I could not fix my estrangement. I am a good person and did my best. Pastors need to be educated on this subject ...but sadly it is beyond their scope to help those of us who hurt from this. Keep coming here and sharing. You are not alone as you can see. We are all praying for our situations but our kids have free will. A big hug to you and God bless.

Don't feel bad about the pastor's advice. A pastor told me I had run my sons off. He didn't even know the details. Not even sure what he meant other then he was assuming all things can be fixed with love, forgiveness, and forgetting. I did all of that. Ironically, he is estranged from his son now. I wonder if he remembers what he said to me?
I think we all have learned unless you have experienced estrangement, you have no clue the devastating effects.
We need to clear our minds of all the negative feelings about ourselves, relationships with our ec (s). and quit judging OURSELVES..
Even Jesus was rejected, hated, betrayed, abused, etc......Was he not perfect?
Estrangement is so hard to accept because of pride, embarrassment. Truth be known , there are many more that will not admit to it. That is why it is called "The Silent Epidemic".

I found this on my search on estrangement.
http://www.thechristiancounselor.com/documents/estrangedfamilies.pdf

You are not alone in anything you are going through! Hold tight to God and the encouragement of his Word ,promises and this group. These parents know about the pain you are feeling, others don't necessarily. Good advice in the article linked through Jacquiline's post. Thanks for passing it on!

people do not understand... forgiveness may only take one, but reconciliation takes two.

NO ONE, but Jesus understands the situation we are in. Sometimes I get on my knees and cry to Him and tell Him He is the only one who know all the details, all the truth of what has and is happening, and all the pain we are in. I'm bad about running to friends or my husband or my Mom when I have a problem, and this is one that only Jesus can deal with. He is the only one really who can ever help, but I have to be reminded.
Hang in there. This story is not over yet. One day at a time.
Hugs

Jaqueline, This is a very spirit filled article that I will return to often. Thank you for sharing.

Missing, It is so difficult for us EP to go and seek help. Christian counselors and Pastors although they may share Biblical truth,which is vital,do not specifically understand estrangement. They have not been through it. Unless someone including ourselves have walked in another's shoes true understanding is not possible.

We need one another. We understand the pain of estrangement even though we are at different places in our journey. Mostly we need to seek the Lord for wisdom and comfort. He understands and He listens to our prayers.

God bless each one of you today with His amazing grace.

Missing, I'm sorry your pastor has left you feeling hurt. It's sad to think that those who've chosen a career of comforting and guiding the wounded in their congregation, don't always seem to have the answer. Unless they have felt the sting of a child's abandonment, and feel the emptiness and questions that come along with that, they can't possibly be equipped to offer true help.

This site is such a blessing from God. For those of us who do understand the hurt and feelings of betrayal, God has given us one another. Missing, please don't carry the burden of why. Only Christ knows why anyone would turn on their own parents. We need to lay this burden at His feet every single day. May Our Lord comfort you today.....

I'm so sorry that you were made to feel worse. People truly don't understand and that is why these forums are so important - people who have been / are in the situation. I have had somebody tell me that I should just go find my son and make him talk to me, as if that would work! He moved to a city of millions, I have no contact info whatsoever and I should just go find him? He does not want to be found or contacted. It took me quite a while after that encounter to "talk myself down" as it made me feel like I must be horrible for not going to find him and what if something really was wrong and so on and so on, so I get that! Hang in there, I know it's not easy.

Missing..I too wish it were that simple. If it were we would not be here.I find that well meaning advice quite often triggers me into the old lies about the situation like I am a bad Mom.I have to remind myself of the reality of my situation. It really is between God and me. He knows the situation. I have done my part. Now it is in my son's ballpark. I am thankful that God put us together to encourage and support one another

2walktogether, your words are so true. People who have not been in this situation are totally unprepared to discuss this situation. They don't have a clue as to how to help us. I am so glad that we have each other and that more is being written on the subject. I felt so all alone for over twenty years.

Betty

Sorry you feel bad, and its easier said than done,and how can it be fixed when they dont want to fix it. By the time they realize it the damage is done

Aaah, I could have written this myself. When I was first going through the estrangement, well meaning people would say to me, "Oh just love your daughter law. Just love her"....like that was all there was to it. LIke it was all some misunderstanding. LIke maybe we didn't' see eye to eye on how to clean the house, or to cook a pot roast, lol! Oh how I wish it were that simple. But no, my son married a woman who is CRAZY and EVIL. And the very moment he met her, he changed towards us. It was not us, it was her, and then it quickly became 'them". No, people do not understand until they have walked a mile in our shoes. And I pray every day as well. Only recently have I begun to pray for her as well.

As Christians we know the power of prayer. God is still in charge of it all and in his timing reconciliation will happen. A member of my church was estranged from his son for seven years. He and his wife prayed for reconciliation for years. Then one day his son just showed up on the doorstep. Never stop believing and never stop praying for reconciliation. My daughters also refuse communication, I have sent my last email, text and call. No response is like a razor cut on my foot. I made a list of the things that give me joy and those are the things I am pursuing. I have put my full faith in God with the estrangement. I'm praying for your reconciliation as well.