I'm sorry. People don't understand and pastors are no exception. Ours said "well I don't know the other side" which made us feel like we had done something terrible. I pray you will find peace with the Lord.

That's why in your last post I warned not to be hurt if it didn't go well. People don't understand if they haven't gone through it. Yes, forgive - more for you than child. Then pray and go on with your life as if he's in the military and can't be reached right now. That's how I had to imagine my daughter. Pain will always be there. Try to focus on something else. Some days will be easier than others.

Missing...I agree with comments made here. Only those on this estrangement journey really understand, or at least have a better idea about estrangement, than most therapists and, yes, even pastors. Also, because estrangement is so sensitive and so misunderstood we need to be careful who we share with or seek out for counsel. Also, we should not feel compelled to share our story with everyone who asks. We can loving give a reply that will make it clear that topic is "off limits" and, no more questions, please.

Those of us going thru estrangement may understand but we even hesitate to give advice because each of our situations is so unique. The best we can do is be understanding, extend compassion, encouragement and, on this site, we can pray for one another. And I always have to remind myself who the best Counselor is.... and He doesn't even bill us. Thank you, Jesus.

Feelinghelpless....EXACTLY!!!! I have had the same thought about my ES many times. Like I tell myself he went to war and is missing in action. I am sad, and I grieve, but I must go on with my life. I am glad to know I am not the only person who has had this analogy.

Poodlegirl, do you also wonder about the pioneer days when children left and with lack of communication may never of heard from them again, like if they went west

Yes, I have thought about that. I have tried to put it all in perspective. Back in the olden days people did not "coddle" their children and make on over them like they do now. Children were seen and not heard, I guess. I guess our great great grandparents wouldn't have thought anything about estrangement because people weren't all that close back then anyway.

I had thought of it too. There had to be a lot of sorrow back then due to so many things we don't have to contend with now. And daily living was so much harder.

Feelinghelpless I give my mind a rest by saying to myself my chuld happens to be away (like the military) and I just can't reach him for now.

Maybe we should redefine estrangements as hostile and non hostile. Down through the ages, there have always been estrangements. In pioneer days, children left homes due to employment, searching for a better way of life. I am sure when they left, tears were not shed because of hurt, rejection, anger, etc. If they had the means of communication such as we have today, would they have made contact with left behind family members?
I believe that families of former generations actually were much closer , although there probably were some that were not. I agree parents then practiced the "children are to be seen, not heard" rule, but taught them true morals as honesty, forgiveness, and charity.
I believe parents accepted estrangement back then easier knowing (if they left to better themselves) they were practicing unconditional love. Perfect love is being unselfish.

True faith. Today estrangement is due to sin. It is so against God's Word which is our rule book.

absolutely , lindajoan.... In the end times, the world will wax colder....................... We are living in the last days even minutes..... So, why does our children's treatment of us come as such a surprise? Nothing is like it used to be.........The "waltons" seemed like a average family homelife. Watch a rerun and see how things have REALLY CHANGED!!! So sad. We lost the family values.

I was thinking about how the parents had to go on even though they knew they probably wouldn't hear about their kids again.

Feeling, You're right. Parents must have been sad to say good bye to their children.

Thank you all for your generous help, concern, understanding and wisdom. All of your thoughts and comments have helped tremendously. I was truly at a loss after speaking with the pastor.. However, she is just human and has not experienced what we are living. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being here for me and for one another. I can't even begin to express what a blessing this special place and special people are. Thank you, thank you. You are helping me so very much. Our ES was away in the Navy so maybe looking at it as a long deployment without means of communication will help. May God enfold and care for each person here. Prayers and love