Ruth----I agree with you I truly think that a lot of sons are like you describe. Our ES is that way for sure. Truthfully I think DIL has big time mental issues and he knows it. That is why he is afraid to "rock the boat" with her for fear she will lose it and start yelling. This would in turn scare the kids and I think he worries about them. So DIL is a very controlling person. She has fought with all the neighbors wherever they have lived. The place they live now she must have really upset their neighbor. We met her and she told me they were moving back to Chicago because she thought the people in Houston (where ES lives) were not very nice. (her husband is a pilot so could transfer back to Chicago, this lady used to switch off giving our gkids rides to school with DIL, can imagine DIL hurt her, she looked so sad when she told me they were moving back....I felt terrible) When ES lived in Wisconsin DIL was fighting with her neighbors there too. Then they moved to Illinois and same thing. She is such an awfully mixed up, unhappy person and takes it out on everyone.

We have just decided to stay away, they are 1200 miles from us anyway. I never expected this either, this world is really getting so bad quickly. Jesus return is close.... PTL !

Dear Bella479, it is so difficult to handle some people..no matter what you do or say to them. Yes I believe it is like end times. The world is in a very sorry state. That is enough to deal with in itself. In revelation we are warned that the young will be disrespectful to parents, have no affection, lovers of fashion etc. The young are so wrapped up in themselves I don't think they are interested in anyone but their own lives.

My DIL makes things impossible for us as well. She also has severe mental issues. She can't make friends anywhere she goes, so at least I know it isn't just us. When they got married, nobody would be her bridesmaids. She originally had 5, then all of them bailed, and so forth. The bewildering thing about her is she has no concept of cause and effect. She can't understand why nobody likes her. She can't understand that after she treats people the way she does, they don't just pander after her. She claims everyone is mean to her, yet she is the mean one. She hates her mother, her brother, us, her neighbors, her co workers, my son's co workers, etc. She has caused trouble for him at his law firm because she hates everyone there and stirs up drama. They have had to move countless times because she causes uproars at their apartments. Constant drama. For example, she got her one and only friend (the wife of my son's friend) to drive all the way up there 5 hours away to give her a baby shower because nobody would give her one there. So the friend did that, and of course nobody went to the shower, except 2 ladies from the apartment. So what did my DIL do? Got on Facebook and blasted everyone for not coming, and then proceeded to blast the friend who gave her the shower for not making it nicer, and not giving her a baby gift. Well the shower WAS the gift! But that is how crazy and messed up her mind is. Anyway, I am rambling now, but the point is, I think you just can't ever be with people like that. I want to see my son, but honestly I never want to be around her again.

Nothing surprises me. ...we all have a tale about in laws. My sons girlfriend is thick. The only qualification she ever had was... Wait for it...Acting at school. Drama ...just about sums her up. Says it all.

"I am thinking though that when I move back to the cities, I will invite my niece's 2 little children (9 and 7) over for a sleepover and also invite GD (age 5) and then when she can't come, I'll post pics on FB of all the fun I had with niece's children, just so my son sees and thinks about how silly his wife is behaving."

I wouldn't do that if I were you.
That sounds a little passive-aggressive and I wouldn't start sending coded messages on FB because it would likely turn into a contest you cannot win.........
Anyway regarding your DIL, underneath her hard shell may be a little girl who always wanted a mother, a real mother.
I wouldn't regard her as an adversary, but as someone my son loves and a family member.
Perhaps she feels shut out because you love your grandchild so much and she feels like you don't love her?
Really I would be kind to her; God only knows what she suffered in her youth......I probably wouldn't move that close to them unless they asked me to or voiced approval.
You sound like a sweet person; I know you will understand what I'm saying....

MissMack----I have t replay about that line you said. "Perhaps she feels shut out because you love your grandchild so much and she feels like you don't love her?"

The last time we saw our ED was at her home Christmas 2013. I was sleeping in our granddaughter's bedroom while we were there. When I would go in the bedroom there would be my clothing strewn all over the bedroom and on the floor too. I couldn't figure it out, the little one 3 yrs old is terrified of going in the room, both gkids were not allowed in each others room. So my husband confronted the one whose room I was sleeping in, she was 9 then. He thought she was mad because I was in her room. Husband said he knew she did not do it. Now process of elimination left only our ED left.

Now can any of you believe this???? Right then and there I KNEW she was suffering from some type of mental illness----was I to believe she was jealous??? Every time I think of this it sends my mind spinning....what is wrong with her----she was jealous of the attention I was giving to HER own kids???

She had found out a few months earlier that her husband was visiting prostitutes for years spending thousands of dollars. I was so sick when she told us this....need les to say it was a very awful Christmas and we felt so unwelcome we left early.

Thank you for the new perspective on DIL. My sister commented that she might not be able to give any love for similar reasons. I am going to take your advise and try to make her feel special