I'm not exactly sure what your question is, but my experience is that if you ask God to help you, he will, in ways you might not expect. Read his word, meditate on it each and every day and you will eventually notice a change in your outlook. Don't give up! I read Psalms a lot.

I am just wondering if anyone else feels resistance when they pray. It's like feeling that you believe, but due to past negative experiences, are leery to completely trust God. It's kind of hard to explain. I know God understands my heart, & I have been praying for strength & faith.

I have experienced something similar, Gordos4. It has been close to 3 years of estrangement for me now, but throughout this saga, I have had difficulty praying. I even felt that I had been told NOT to pray for my ED and her husband anymore, that God had heard enough and my words and tears were bordering on obsession. Fleeting passages from scripture to support this "admonishment" crossed my mind. I've had great difficulty reading the bible too, so have turned to listening to endless Christian radio. Through God's people on the radio, I heard timely messages about our Lord who is ever by our side. That He tells us to pray for those who persecute us for righteousness sake. I soon realized that these admonishments I had heard were from the enemy. He is out to destroy us and comes to us as a wolf in sheep's clothing. The bible tells us to resist the devil and he will flee. I would encourage you to push through this resistance and pray against this attack. It is so hard, but I am even trying to go to the extent of praying for my enemy (my son-in-law) and for those who persecute me (his church where he and my daughter attend now, and members of my own family). I told the Lord Jesus I don't "feel" like praying for these people, and I can't lie and say sweet things about them that I don't feel or see, but I am making a choice to trust Him and do what he has asked in the hope that my obedience will bring good fruit in this situation. You are not a horrible person. You are a threat to the enemy and he is going to great lengths to silence your witness in this dark world AND before the throne of God. Don't let him win. When you feel resistance, push through as Daniel did and stay faithful to pray for your child. You may be the only one doing so and God is close to you and your broken heart. He hears. Your prayers have great power because of your deep love for the eternal outcome of your child's soul.

Gordos, please know you are not alone in this. Thank you for your honesty.

There have been stretches of time where it has been difficult to pray. I came to recognize it, as rosearch said, as spiritual warfare. The enemy will try everything including putting doubts in our mind about God and His love for us because of what we are going through.

I find it helpful for times that a Bible is not near to read a devotional on line. I receive several per day. It puts our hearts and minds on God and leads to His presence. He never changes or moves away. When He seems distance, it is us who have moved. Our Pastor encourages believers to keep a regular appointment with God as we would do with any other appointment. He is always there waiting to meet us.

I can acknowledge a reluctance and somewhat doubting when I pray nowl. It is hard to understand that God loves us and yet we are going through the pain of broken relationships and other things that may be going wrong in our lives. It is spiritual warfare trying to get into our minds and hearts. Only God can heal our relationsips and our hearts but the devil does not want that to happen. I struggle daily with doubting that my son loves me or even notices whether I am in his life or not. My DH says that my son does love me but the tangible evidence just isn't there so I doubt. Somehow we have to keep the faith and keep praying and trying. I am struggling with it today. My birthday is tomorrow yet I don't feel there will be anything special about it, especially from my son. It is so discouraging to type those words. All I can end with is something that I found about 5 weeks ago. I need to remember it more often:

FAITH IS SEEING LIGHT WITH YOUR HEART WHEN YOUR EYES SEE ONLY DARKNESS.

I'm striving for the light.

whymom, Happy Birthday tomorrow! You deserve to enjoy your special day! Don't let your ES ruin that for you too. My ES hasn't acknowledged my birthday for over10 years, he has never cared, but he sure expected his birthday $$ gift every year. I quit giving him & my 2nd eldest son money a few years ago, they didn't appreciate it.
Thanks to all for your replies. I have recognized my feelings as being from the evil one. I am getting stronger every day, but there are times when it is more difficult. I am NOT going to give into little red, no matter what! I rebuke him every time a negative thought comes into my mind. We will ALL be victorious as long as we pray & support each other. I sure do appreciate this site!

So much good advice here. Over the years of estrangement with my son, I would often stop praying but then would be reminded that we need to pray all the time, storm the gates of Heaven with our prayers. I also learned that whenever my son (or anyone) came into my mind, to stop and thank God for the blessing of that person in my life and then ask God to bless them.

Right now I know how you are feeling because for 6 months I have been praying continually every waking moment for the healing on earth of my DH. I have been on facebook sharing my faith that God would heal him as we walk this faith journey. And yet, a week ago today God took my DH home. I am now asking God to help me understand why. He knows He will have to hit me with a brick, so to speak, for me to understand, but we have to hold on to prayer, it is all we have.

Norske Im so sorry for your loss. May God Bless you & give you peace.
I know what you mean about the brick hitting you. I sometimes say "God, I think I must be stupid, because I know you are trying to tell me something, Im just not getting it". He speaks to me mostly through my dreams, & has since I was a little girl.

So true, Norske. It is so difficult to understand God's ways. Please remember we love you and care. You and what you have shared of your DH has shown what a beautiful and faithful Christian couple you have always been. Thank you for the fine example of a Christian marriage.

Happy Birthday, whymom.

So true, Norske. It is so difficult to understand God's ways. Please remember we love you and care. You and what you have shared of your DH has shown what a beautiful and faithful Christian couple you have always been. Thank you for the fine example of a Christian marriage.

Happy Birthday, whymom.

yes I agree lindajoan. thanks to research for a great post. We live in a fractured world and we must keep looking to God for answers and trust him.not easy sometimes though when we are hurt and in pain. norske , I do hope for the best for you and will pray for your recovery. Im sorry about DH. happy birthday why mom , do something nice for yourself.

rosearch -typo

I so understand gordos. I have stopped praying 3 years ago. I was so faithful in my prayers and I am not mad at God I feel guilty because I feel I am only praying asking God to help me with things. I still "talk" with God but my daily prayers to him are no longer there. when I get in a real bind with things in my life I then "talk" and I say to God why am I only coming to you when I need something. it making me cry typing this I want to be back in God grace again, I do but to pray and be thankful and praise him I don't and so I don't pray...

betrayed, Thank you for sharing so honestly. Please remember how much God has always loved you and still does. When we go through hard times like estrangement we can sometimes doubt that God is still present. He is and rejoices when we call upon Him. The enemy,however, will do anything to keep us away from our relationship with God because He wants to keep us weak. He knows we need the Lord and His Word each day for our spiritual food and our sword against the enemy.

God bless you as you call out to Him. God bless each one,here, to make us Overcomers.

Amen lindajoan. I have found the more I pray, read the bible, etc..the more the evil one tries to persuade me that God is not there..by putting thoughts in my head, tempting me to doubt God. God will welcome you back with open arms, when you are ready, he will be there. ((hugs))