My Sons went to church when Young... I assumed they were Christians ... Now they don't ever go to church and I am not sure what they believe.

My ES is a Christian, I have no doubt about that. He raises his children in the faith too. But along the way I believe he has welcomed a spirit of anger, bitterness, and vengeance. I don't know if it's related to his involvement in the occult as a rebellious teenager. He has told people he knew we were friends with for years his gruesome stories and has irreparably damaged the friendship. That was his goal. I refuse to defend myself to them or to talk negatively about him, so they are inclined to believe his stories, as outrageous as they are.
God and I know the truth. If they can believe that crap after knowing us all those 20 years, then the friendship must have been flawed in the first place. They have never bothered to check with his 2 sisters, who have no idea what he is talking about. They both think he has a mental issue.
I know deep down he loves the Lord. But he has listened to the lies of the enemy for so long that they are ingrained. To him they are truth. There's no human way to fight it. No amount of talk will fix this. We're not just dealing with flesh and blood. It's up to God to intervene, and if He chooses not to do something drastic, then I will go to my grave grieving.

Good question Poodle. Our ED accepted the Lord also. Although she was young at the time she loved going to church,youth groups, and serving in music in many churches. Looking back I know her relationship with the Lord was immature. Of course she was too.

Only God sees the heart. If our EC were truly saved then it is as Barby says. They are listening to the enemy and his lies. It is a spiritual battle. Prayer is our best weapon. God can do all things.

My ED went down to the alter while in her twenties, and made a profession of faith. At the time, I thought it was sincere, and I was so happy. But sadly, it wasn't sincere. She's now in her thirties, and openly claims to be an atheist.

My ED lies also Barby, and I think the very same thing. Why don't they speak to her brother who's a mature, professional, Godly man who not only attends church, but volunteers in the media dept. He has an entirely different recollection of their childhood than she does. When I hear the things she tells people, I wonder what in the world house did she grow up in? It certainly wasn't mine.....

This reminds me of the parable of the seeds and where they land. Sometimes it doesn't take root and dies right away. Sometimes it grows, but something chokes it and it dies.
My daughter became a Christian as a child and seemed to really love the Lord. I did talk to her about her choice of boys when dating. She insisted on dating non-Christians or nominal Christians. She said there wasn't any true Christian boys out there. I didn't want her to hide who she dated, so took her friends to church. She said she was witnessing to them and I thought all was good. They were influencing her.
Even though she's back, she doesn't go to church. Even when I talk her into watching a sermon on line she twists the meaning to suit her. She says she still loves God, but I don't see any fruit in her. God is still working though and will never stop.

My ED also claims to be a Christian and to top this off a former Pastor of ours has encourage our ED to not to talk to us- I am speechless that she listens to this person who possesses to be a man of God- which is he not- we left his church many years ago because of false teachings.

Yes our ED too claims to be a Christian. She has Bible verses on her social media, along with "inspirational" quotes from the KARDASHIANS! Since our estrangement began with my daughter and boyfriend's planned pregnancy that was supposed to look like an accident at age 17, not only has she positioned herself to the community as an innocent little victim, but she has also implied to many that we are not forgiving and loving. Oh, if they only knew all that we know and had been through with her! Even some of my good friends at church have sent me messages or talked to me about "forgiveness". So, it is very painful to see her live out these lies, but I am at the point now where I know that this is between her and God. I'm out. Praying she matures spiritually enough to acknowledge and repent and restore the relationships she has damaged.

poodle I have wondered this same thing.....we cannot loose our salvation but I do know that as a true christian I am convicted so much if I do anything wrong at all....and then I must repent right away and of course try not to do that thing again.....I have told my son this many times...how can his wife be a christian and say horrible vulgar things to me....such as saying the F@@@ word at me for me just telling her to have a wonderful day....I don't get how a christian would ever do something like that no matter how much they may not like someone...and besides that God tells us as christian to love our neighbors and our enemies.....so I have tried to show her love but am met with profanity etc....yet she goes to church every week and professes to be a christian.....HOW is that possible......God tells us that many will come to him in the end and say Lord Lord....and he will say depart from me for I never knew you.......this is very sad indeed ....and she is self righteous and makes excuses for her behavior.....when I was young and was not living as I should believe me God chastised me ......and when it happened I knew it was God telling me you need to repent .....but these 2 in my life seem to go on sinning everyday with no real chastisement happening to them.....how can this be.......God only chastises his children......so I wonder if my son is truly saved....and I am pretty sure the DIL is definitely not saved......it is heartbreaking

Oh . . . can sooo relate! Our story is pretty identical to yours. What God has shown me is that there is stuff in him I knew and know nothing about that needs to be dealt with. My son and his wife go to church, etc., and feel that they have godly boundaries in place against us. So, I cannot let their stuff make me an unkind person, and this has challenged me to have to trust God since we have done everything to try and reconcile--even acqueised to their boundaries, rules etc. but with no result. The issues go much deeper. We have a 2+ year old grandson we have not been allowed to see. . . the story is so convoluted but the bottom line is--what will I allow God to do in me through this? And, do I trust God he has our back and will work it outeh the right way--His way in his timing. I must learn to be content with only my relationship with God the Father--is that enough for me?? I have been so challenged to dig deep inside myself through all of the hurt, pain and utter base-sell rejection. I know what Satan means for evil, God means for good. I believe they are oppressed Christians, quite possibly--I cannot judge their salvation. I will go crazy trying to figure that out. I know God in His mercy and grace can bring them to brokenness and salvation or repentance--that is His call not mine. I just can't let this destroy me and it has been a difficult journey to this mindset over the last three years or more. Would love to chat more, but that is what God has shown me through this--we pray constantly. We can't let Satan win--we will reap a harvest of some sort if we do not faint. I have no guarantees what that harvest will be, but I have to trust God, based on the last 30 years with Him in my life, that the outcome will be good. He is a good, good Father. I was very angry with God over this for a very long time, no doubt! But this is where He has brought me for now.

forloveofmom: My DIL is the same way . . . the kinder I am, the meaner she gets . . .

My 20 yr old newly married son professes to be saved, comes about twice a month. He's become a harsh and hateful person and has said horrible things to me to be hurtful, and yet when he comes he feels the need to put on a show for the rest of the church that he's a loving son. He prays for others even though it's frowned upon when you aren't attending regularly or living a Godly life to be praying over others. When the spirit moves he gets lively but when evening service comes he's a no show despite what blessing he "appeared" to get. He will see me praying and come lay a hand on my back or shoulder to pray with me, for show, it hinders my spirit so deeply. Instead of working on my breakthrough, all my hurt feelings bubble to the surface and it's even more that I have to wade through to reach a blessing. There was very little contact for 5 months and in late Jan we began speaking again. It is still semi-estranged and little contact. If I need to call him it's very disrespectful tones from he as well as his wife who is now taking license to be "salty" as she calls it when others think she's sweet. I don't blame her for his behavior, it started before they met but right as they met that is when he got into church. Just so happened, she'd told him she couldn't date someone who wasn't a person of faith so we often wonder how sincere he was in giving his life to God or did he do it to get the girl.

As a christian I am not supposed to have feelings like wishing in this big city he would attend one of the other churches in our faith but I do have those feelings in my heart. I have no intention of leaving because this has been my church for several years, long before it was ever his, and I love it and go every single service. He comes a couple Sunday mornings each month. I don't see how he considered himself saved with how he treats his family, how he speaks to us, how he's opted out of his 6 yr old sister's life.

I'm praying, I know we are in spiritual warfare with something that has taken hold of him.

Be Patient, Pray and allow the Holy Spirit to convict him and his wife of their sins. Be thankful he does attend church. I understand how it would be difficult for you to speak to him about his behavior , but you speaking to your pastor would be appropriate. He is in charge over his church and the conduct of his congregation. Rise above their actions and don't allow satan to rob you of being blessed.

Lucy, I understand how it could be difficult to worship with this situation but I still think it is best that your son is in church. He may hear something from the Word that could change his life. He and his wife are very young. God is able to do mighty things. He is not finished with them yet. God bless you with His strength.

I know and agree with what you all are saying. He's young and it is at least positive that he comes sometimes, yes this can be the time when God truly moves in his spirit. Each time he comes he gets to tears but sometimes it feels like he's showing off or attempting to get my attention. Once he wanted me to talk to him outside, I did that once, he cried, just explained that things were hard...but I also felt a sense that the devil was motivating his timing because while we were in the parking lot blessings were happening inside. Why is it that in all other times he won't take my call or come see me but during service is when he wanted to talk. I did but I can't be in the habit, he already leaves multiple times in the service to use the bathroom or stand in the parking lot, I can't follow him or it's going to become a pattern. I think the Lord moves and it makes him uncomfortable so he has to leave to feel better. I'm praying. I won't say anything, my pastor is very wise and generous about allowing people to let God deal with them. The only time he'd confront my son would be if he did something very off the wall. I've actually only seen him make 3 people leave for being disruptive by arguing with him from the pew and 2 that stood on the pews jumping and being loud, we do at times, get people in there who face drug problems and once in a while someone comes in high and as long as they behave they are allowed to stay but if they start talking out or making it unsafe for others they are escorted out. I think my pastor who has been pastoring for over 25 years here and has 3 grown children gives some leeway to young people, especially those still struggling. If he feels it crosses a line and speaks to my son I'll respect that, but I won't broach the subject with him because we're already barely speaking.

I'm hoping things get better, my heart has been so broken by this, it's new, uncharted territory for me.

I joined another estrangement group here in September, but found this christian one the other night so I've been easing into this group. As christian parents we have some challenges others don't have and we also encourage in a different way so I'm going to try this one out for a while.

Lucy, We are blessed that you are here.