CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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lindajoan 12/21/2013

You are my friends and I would like to know how you would handle this. I would like to know how you believe Jesus would handle this.

Our ED text me yesterday. I have not responded yet. Texting for us never turns out well. I share my heart and she responds in a critical manner and goes silent. She is 22 and has been estranged for 2 years. She has done much against us (lies)during the 2 years. She is now with another bf and his enabling mother who discourages our ED to have family contact. She has had and lost many enablers and we believe she must hit bottom.

In her text she requested seeing her sick grandmother (my mother). She is 93 and not well. Our ED had been close to her. My mother lives with me. Our ED made it clear in her text that she would not want to see or talk to anyone else. Your advice? How to handle this? My mother does have her own phone.

Thank you my dear friends.

lindajoan 12/22/2013

There are so many reasons to love this place and its people. The top 3.
1) You love The Lord. That makes us family
2) You are wise and follow God's Word for your wisdom
3) You truly care about one another.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

PS. GuelsMom, Thank you for the length of sharing. It made so much sense. So sorry for the way your ED did that. May God touch her heart.

epicjourney 12/23/2013

thank you lindajoan for the very thoughtful and touching post, and thank you Guelsmom and all for the very enlightened responses. I agree with everything that has been said. I think it will require some finesse to "be present," during the visit while not "violating" ED's rule about no contact with anyone else. All the subtle approaches suggested by Guelsmom and others will come into play. "Hello, good evening, let me know if you need anything, hope to see you again some time," etc., should be perfectly acceptable. If she is offended by these kinds of human decencies, she needs to grow up. But asking "how are you?" etc., is a little touchier. Another major consideration is grandma's health. Is she up to the visit? How does she feel about it? Even in the midst of all my dysfunctional estrangements going on in the family, I always encourage all of them to see and talk to each other, regardless of how they feel about me. I try to teach them that family should transcend all criticism, dislikes, etc. that they may have for someone in the family, unless personal safety is at issue. May the blessings of Christmas be upon you and family. --EJ

lindajoan 12/23/2013

Thank you EJ You always write well thought out posts. I am going to ask mom how she feels about seeing her gd. Knowing my Godly mother she will say a resounding yes. She will see it as an opportunity to honor the Lord . She already knows that she can't change ED (only God can). Mother doesn't try to change others. I like your ideas of being cordial but not too warm if I am home. This will all take place if it is part of God's plan.

Thank you friends. I will keep you posted on this.

Whitehorses 12/24/2013

In my humble opinion I have to say that you are not wrong to compromise your original stance and allow her to come there with no other issues involved. In other words, with you out of the home. It will allow her the freedom to say what she feels she must to her grandmother. That is something she will remember forever, including the fact that you loved her and your mother enough to put your issues aside. I think it will allow you to reap many benefits in the long run.

I realize you must do as you feel is right. I just wanted to share this way of seeing it. again...imho

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