CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Please forgive my grammar, I am a nurse but never quite mastered grammar. I wont go into a lot of detais, because there are many. My son in law works for NASA as an accountant and makes quite a bit of money. What he has done with it I don't know. He recently purchased five acres in New Mexico, where he works. He bought a mobile home for 2000 dollars and moved it on the property. They have no electricity so are trying to use solar panels. She has no working stove, which would use propane. Refrigerator does not work. The solar panels do not generate enough to hardly run anything if were working. We went in December to try and help them. We took a propane heater that can generate enough heat for one room We took warm clothing and bought food. We offered our services for whatever they needed. Of course as I have written before, my son in law, got jealous of my ineracting with my grand daughter and became hostile. He told me he was going to kick my teeth out and we were not welcomed there. It happens everytime we try and go visit we walk away sad and heart broken. Well now it is in the teens there and snowing. I received a instant message from my daughter that they were hungry and freezing and the water pipe broke. She said they stay piled under covers. I told her I would pay for her to go to a hotel. And also said I would send money and come and get her if she wanted. She wrote me back and said we came down and were only there for a few days and left. I reminded her why we left, but she just doesn't seem to understand. My daughter always sides with him, but will call me and talk about him and how horrible it is. This has been going on for years. I am concerned now about my daughter and grandchilds safety. I try and offer help, and she tells me how bad it is. But then turns around and bad mouths me. I know when we are there, he takes it out on my daughter and granddaughter. I have some brief contact with my daughter now, but I am risking being cut totally off again. As it is my phone number is still blocked, I can only message on facebook, that I was recently added back on. He has a violent temper but she feeds him to get it going. What am I to do about the situation? Or can I do anything.
I don't think you should call, it will be more then likely the beginning of the end of the relationship and then you will just worry. if you do decide otherwise i know it is not right to lie but i would not admit to it, ever. it's certainly trying times dealing with such evil ill willed ppl these days. i've been through it upside down and backwards, i have problems sleeping also. very disturbing and worrisome. very difficult decisions.
and who evidently doesn't care that his wife and daughter are living in a trailer with no heat or running water -- which, by the way, means they can't even flush the toilet.
Help your grandchild by making sure she has a safe place to live and proper food to eat.
If you fear retaliation tell your story to the police first. Let them check things out. If CPS needs to be called THEY will do it.
Your son-in-law can bully your daughter, and maybe he can bully you. But I highly doubt he is ready to take on a couple of big, burly police officers, the same ones you can call at any time if he tries to pick on you.
I know you are in between a rock and a hard place right now. Neither of your choices are "good" ones. I guess the best you can do is choose the one(s) that you can live with. <<hugs>>
P.S. Even if they had a working pump, they can't flush the toilet without water. And if the pipes are split from being frozen, they won't have water until they are replaced (hopefully the were just frozen and not split).
Back then no one called authourites. What happened behind closed doors stayed behind closed doors. The staff at school knew I was being abused, but nothing was done. I ended up turning out fine, but I did have better living conditions. Of course I don't know how things would be now if someone had called, but growing up I wished someone would've done something. Please have a well check done on them.
You ended up turning out fine, but how much easier would it have been if someone -- anyone! -- cared enough to do something.
As such, I think your help may be actually enabling the situation. Which would mean that if you and your husband stop trying to help, your daughter may get to the point where she finally makes changes. As it stands, they know they can get help from you, and then abuse you for it. Not consciously, maybe, on the part of your daughter, but it is what "works," and it is how it works.
I, personally, have never been wild about the idea of bringing in the authorities, except as a last resort. But that is something we each have to determine.
I'm pretty sure, though, that removing yourself from the whole thing - no longer being in a position to be a sounding board for her difficulties, extending help, getting kicked in the teeth for it, and then trying to help again - might improve things. That is a cycle you don't deserve and which ruins YOUR health and peace of mind, and doesn't seem to do much good anyway.
Their problems are not yours, and not yours to fix. Iand you can't fix them. think in that sense you need to let go of the relationship, and let go of them, for all your sakes. Once you have let go of that, it is easier to make a decision about calling the authorities.
Jmho.