CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Please forgive my grammar, I am a nurse but never quite mastered grammar. I wont go into a lot of detais, because there are many. My son in law works for NASA as an accountant and makes quite a bit of money. What he has done with it I don't know. He recently purchased five acres in New Mexico, where he works. He bought a mobile home for 2000 dollars and moved it on the property. They have no electricity so are trying to use solar panels. She has no working stove, which would use propane. Refrigerator does not work. The solar panels do not generate enough to hardly run anything if were working. We went in December to try and help them. We took a propane heater that can generate enough heat for one room We took warm clothing and bought food. We offered our services for whatever they needed. Of course as I have written before, my son in law, got jealous of my ineracting with my grand daughter and became hostile. He told me he was going to kick my teeth out and we were not welcomed there. It happens everytime we try and go visit we walk away sad and heart broken. Well now it is in the teens there and snowing. I received a instant message from my daughter that they were hungry and freezing and the water pipe broke. She said they stay piled under covers. I told her I would pay for her to go to a hotel. And also said I would send money and come and get her if she wanted. She wrote me back and said we came down and were only there for a few days and left. I reminded her why we left, but she just doesn't seem to understand. My daughter always sides with him, but will call me and talk about him and how horrible it is. This has been going on for years. I am concerned now about my daughter and grandchilds safety. I try and offer help, and she tells me how bad it is. But then turns around and bad mouths me. I know when we are there, he takes it out on my daughter and granddaughter. I have some brief contact with my daughter now, but I am risking being cut totally off again. As it is my phone number is still blocked, I can only message on facebook, that I was recently added back on. He has a violent temper but she feeds him to get it going. What am I to do about the situation? Or can I do anything.
I have a friend who is in an abusive marriage and she will call me and tell me the horrible stories, but then when I give her an out, she protects him. It's a vicious cycle of abuse... Round and round they go. There's nothing I can do... I can't enable it. I have to keep my boundaries.
Do not walk in fear, but speak truth.
Try to stay busy with service activities or things you enjoy doing just to keep your mind off of it. You have to stay sane and healthy, because sounds like there's a good chance she will need you down the road. The waiting is the hardest part- you are not alone--- because I'm there, too (waiting while God does HIS work in our EC), as are most on this site.
Hugs
Maybe calling CPS would be the best thing to do. They live in a mobile home, no? With neighbors? Your son-in-law works, no? Next to other people? Your daughter (I hope!) has friends, no? Your 4-year-old granddaughter goes to preschool or maybe a playgroup, no? Even if the answers to the last two are "no," your daughter MUST go grocery shopping, to Wal-Mart, or whatever. . . what I am saying is that she is not as alone as she feels, she is far from isolated, and she doesn't have to know that it was YOU who called. It could be anyone who has seen them or knows them. It doesn't take a close friend, a concerned family member or a rocket scientist to know abuse when it walks by them in poor-fitting clothes and no gloves in the winter and the hard, sad look that must be etched on your daughter's face.
Yes, indeed, pray for them and pray for guidance. But don't wait for God to tell you what to do that is best for that child -- and your daughter. I fear the effect of your depraved son-in-law on that precious, innocent 4-year-old!!! Maybe it isn't destined for her to be in your life, but someone has to act in the best interest of that child. Her parents don't sound capable of doing it, unfortunately! And you sound like you love her enough and care for her enough and are worried enough to do what needs to be done.
Maybe interaction with CPS will prove the best thing to happen to your daughter and her child. Maybe it will help your daughter to see that she is acting exactly how abused women act. . . maybe it will help her to take the action she needs to take to save herself and that precious little girl.
<<hugs>>
I know that none of this is easy.
<<more hugs>>
Please continue praying for your ED and GD but also contact either CPS or the local police dept to do a "wellness check" on your daughter and granddaughter. Even if the water supply is repaired, you've mentioned a lack of heat, no electricity, and a non-working frig. This means your 4 year old granddaughter isn't being bathed, her clothes are dirty, she is physically cold and isn't getting hot food to eat. Adults may be able to manage in those conditions for a while, but as a nurse I'm sure you know a small child isn't able to produce the necessary body heat to survive for long, especially without enough food to provide physical energy.
If I were you I wouldn't say anything on FB to your ED about this situation so she doesn't cut off this only means of communication. She's in an abusive situation and isn't able to think this through on her own. And if she does, indeed, have Asperger's then she may also not recognize when your GD is in need of medical help.
Please, call the authorities and do it ASAP. Sometimes doing the right thing is very, very hard but we must do it nonetheless. Hugs
Several family members began expressing their concern to them (including her dad and his wife,) and my ED and SIL's response was to take off and move again without notice to anyone. They've since moved once again, and now they're thousands of miles away from any family member.
Pray for God's guidance, and please know that others have been in your shoes, and understand it's not easy. Hugs and blessings...
If the situation is not as bad as Daughter makes it out to be, then no harm done. But if it is. . . well, I think NoMoreDrama has said it all.
P.S. If they want to estrange me or target me for revenge, they can go right ahead.
Is there a way to check it out first?
If I had to do it again, I would simply call the police and ask them to do a 'well check' ... . You may or may not be able to have the police keep it anonymous. The EC's have a way of lying and being dramatic. It is impossible to know the truth.
They play on our emotions and love for them ... so when they go dramatic, we respond normally ... but when they estrange it's abnormal and we need to PROCEED WITH CAUTION to help them ....
It's like the boy who cried wolf ... you never know what to believe.... Just proceed with caution....
I think Igave had a great idea and is generous in offering to call the authorities on your behalf without you having to give your name ....