Children Of Divorced Parents Support Group
This community is for the children of divorce, both for adult children who have lived through a divorce as well as parents concerned about the effects of divorce on their children. Share your story and get advice in this support group, where there are others going through similar challenges.
well lets just say I'm the prime example of father issues. my parents divorced before i was born, but he came back into our lives when i was five so you would think i would be closer to him now that i'm 18. But i suppose i didn't take it well i didn't really consider him my father at the time lol over the years my father didn't prove himself to me he was always a very selfish person and we never really connected (my sister is more of a daddy's girl) Well long story short i have trust issues now with my boyfriend because of this lack of connection with my father i think. My boyfriend on the other hands has a great connection with his family...so he doesn't really understand my issues and we have been dating for almost a year now. I feel like any moment he will go and take off with some prettier girl or something. I love him and i trust him in ways but i don't trust him at all also. he has never done anything to my knowledge to make me mistrust him. I personally think i have abandonment issues. How do i fix this? all i really want to do is beable to trust ppl. i dont trust anyone i know other than my mom and i never loved anyone other than my mom.
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
i broke up with my girlfriend 3 months ago. We dated for 3 years and she always thought i would run off with some 'prettier' girl. Needless to say she dumped me because she felt like we were arguing too much and she's not improving and she wanted to figure herself out.
I read countless articles and books already about ACODP. I actually bought this book by Jefferey Zimmerman, Adult Children of Divorce: How to Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents' Break-up and Enjoy Love, Trust, and Intimacy... i'm actually going to give this book to her tomorrow. I miss her so much :(
It's not your fault though. It sounds like the abandonment issues originated from childhood (e.g. when your father walked out on your family). Back then your brain didn't think or work as rational as it is today. Little you interpreted his behavior as untrustworthy back then. Especially since you had a reliable parent whose actions taught you as a child what "Trust" is supposed to mean and what it essentially is. As a result, now as an adult you have trust issues especially with men. Your subconscious mind feeds off of the unconscious childhood wounds and traumas you experienced. It sounds like youre awakening to what the cause is which is great! Your Dad was definitely selfish for not even trying to be a reliable and consistent part of your life despite whatever differences he and your mother had.
You asked how can you fix this? Well sadly, there is no way to totally fix you. Forever and ever you will always be a somewhat broken in this way. I'm so sorry I know that sounds terrible but again its through no fault of our own. BUT the good news is you can heal and become better at trusting your boyfriend though conscious effort. You can use your mind to control your "lack of trust" in others and choose to be more accepting but still cautious of the fact that others may hurt you or "abandon" you.
From personal experience, I would recommend you first meet with a therapist for these issues. Its private and confidential so you wont need to worry about your friends, family and boy friend finding out unless you personally disclose this information to them your self.
I would also recommend that you get books on "abandonment" and "trust" in the self-help section of a library or book store. I'm glad that you're realizing these issues and seeking help since thats usually the first step in getting better. There is hope. Don't give up!
As for your boyfriend, you may feel alone in your struggles because he probably did not have the same experiences you did that resulted in these issues to begin with. This is a good thing though, because being with him whos probably more trusting in people will help compliment you and sort of help you through your own difficulties. Similarly, you may compliment him too and possibly get him to see things from a different point of view that he may not have considered before,
Regardless though, for the sake of having a happy and long-term relationship (if thats what you're expecting with your guy) I would definitely commit to working on these issues you have. Otherwise you could sabotage the relationship down the road.
Good luck to you and please keep me posted on this site!