Children Of Divorced Parents Support Group
This community is for the children of divorce, both for adult children who have lived through a divorce as well as parents concerned about the effects of divorce on their children. Share your story and get advice in this support group, where there are others going through similar challenges.
I am a fifteen year old and I'm struggling a little bit. Very recently I found out that my parents were getting a divorce. I never saw it coming but then it got much worse when I found out that my parents were getting a divorce because my dad had been having an affair with a woman who he worked with. I don't blame my mom in any way as she tried to hold the marriage together for four years for the sake of me and my sister, though she was miserable. I went through a period of self hatred, thinking that it was my fault that my mom had been miserable for four years. I also feel like I talk to my mom too much about all of this which I'm pretty sure just makes her upset. I have taken responsibility for my little sister most of the time when my mom works and I feel like I'm a mother substitute most of the time. My father has moved into an appartment and I have so many mixed emotions about it as well. He doesn't cook well so I have to take responsibility for grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry. He doesn't want us to put our stuff in there or make it personal to us because he doesn't want us to "Crap up the appartment". My father's girlfriend/affair woman is not allowed to see us yet, as the divorce is not yet final and my mom requested this. I am angry at my father and I want to scream at him, but when we're together and he hugs me, I can't say anything mean to him. He somehow manages to turn the lack of communication that we have into something that is my fault. If I mention that I've been wanting to talk for a while, he holds his hands up and says, "Then let's talk" as though he has given me every opportunity. And when we do talk he jabbers on and on about how he knows that it's all his fault (even though he still denies it and makes up excuses about her) and how great his girlfriend is and I can't get a word in to tell him how I feel. I am angry and confused and scared and I feel guilty and sad and I want to yell and tear my hair out and cry for hours and I just don't know what to do. I am so fed up and I wonder if anyone has any advice or similar stories. They'd be much appreciated.
It was a hard time. I felt angry, sad, guilty, lonely. Sometimes I felt like it was going to swallow me whole. But it didn't. I made it through it, wiser and better.
I am very impressed that you are 15 and reaching out. I see that it has been a while since you posted this and mine is the first reply. I can see how that might be a bit disheartening. Reaching out is one of the best things that I think you can do. Get involved in school clubs or activities. Find a mentor. I didn't reach out when I was younger, and it made things harder. My sister did and I see how connecting with strong female figures has really helped her to thrive.
People sometimes live happily ever after. Sometimes they live happily ever for a while, and that's ok too. I think It is ok to love someone and learn they are not the right person for you, painful, but ok. It's ok that your dad decided that he wanted to be with another woman. But it is not ok how he did it. By lying and cheating on your mother your dad has disrespected her in ways that no person deserves.
Sometimes immature, hurtful people don't change, but we have to forgive them for the sake of ourselves. It's not your fault that your dad hurt your mom. It's not your fault that your mom was hurt by your dad. Your siblings will be ok if you quietly take a step back, showing your parents that they need to step up.
Keep reaching out. Trust your intuition. And don't let your fathers actions show you that a woman deserves any less than to be treated with love and respect.
I hope some of this helps.