Children Of Divorced Parents Support Group

This community is for the children of divorce, both for adult children who have lived through a divorce as well as parents concerned about the effects of divorce on their children. Share your story and get advice in this support group, where there are others going through similar challenges.

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jane45610 12/30/2015

I have been married for 13 years and honestly don't want to be married to my husband anymore. The truth is the only thing that has prevented me from divorcing him already is the financial aspect and the fact we have a 19mo old daughter. He is a great father and has been a great provider but I am completely miserable in our marriage. We are basically roommates who share parental responsibilities. I myself was a child of divorce and my parents divorce was UGLY. I was dragged into the middle of everything and hated them both for it. I hate the thought of my daughter going through a divorce but I also know how to handle it better due to my own experience. My husband and I agreed to seek mediation if we ever decided to divorce instead of attacking each other with selfish lawyers. I would agree to joint custody and he could see her every day if he wanted. I would never drag her into our business or make her choose sides. It is too damaging for the child and I will not do that to my daughter. So my question is, do I suck it up and try and make the marriage work for the sake of my daughter? What happens if we cannot make it work and she is say 10 years old when we finally divorce? I worry about how it will affect her later on the older she gets. I wonder if it would be better to divorce now while she is young and clueless of the situation. I do not know if my husband and I can ever truly be happy again. he seems to think we can but I have my doubts. I just don't want to do anything to hurt my daughter. Does anybody have an experience they can share? I would appreciate any advice.

fairygirl33 06/18/2016

As a daughter whose parents were basically roommates for years, until the day that my dad decided to reveal his affair, I'd like to ask you this question:

Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking that a loveless marriage is what a good relationship looks like?

I grew up thinking that my parents marriage was perfect because they never argued. But they barely ever talked to ea
ch other, touched each other. I was literally the only thing tying them together.

So when they finally got divorced it made me feel betrayed and it felt like my entire childhood had been a lie.

The choice is yours. If you think that you can fix your marriage, do it. But if you can't think about the other long term effects on your daughter.

19ivejul 08/22/2016

Hello. Let me just start by saying that I am 15. Do not try to make the marriage work for your daughters sake. My mom did the same thing for four years and I went through a long period of self hatred for what I thought I did to my mom. When your daughter finds out later on that you tried to keep it together for her but that it made you miserable she might think that it is her fault and get angry with herself like I did. Honestly in my opinion I think that it is much harder to deal with a divorce when you're older. When you're younger it just kind of goes over your head and you learn to accept it faster. Though they may find out more and understand more as they grow up, when the children become adults they will most likely already have figured out their issues and been able to accept the divorce and move on. My parents have been going through a divorce and I think that it has been harder, in my experience, just because I understand everything that is going on, every ugly word that is said because I'm older. I don't have the childlike ability to be so ignorant to it all. So I wish you the best of luck in wherever your path takes you through all of this.

trueblue 09/19/2016

I, too, am a child of divorce. However, I was a baby when my parents divorced so I have zero memories of it. I am grateful that I grew up not remembering what life was life when they were married, because from what I hear, they fought all the time. If you think you can make the marriage work and you can be happy, then stay and be committed. But if your heart is telling you that you probably won't be able to work things out and that you may divorce your husband years from now, then it's best to divorce sooner rather than later. If you divorce when your child is very young and has no memories of the marriage, she will recover quickly and live a fairly normal childhood. That is FAR better than waiting until she's old enough to have memories and feel torn between the two of you.

smacabee 09/15/2017

My parents separated recently. I'm 13 and I have 3 little siblings. It's not easy. Just do not try to make the marriage work for the child. If your daughter grows up knowing her parents are separated she'll be so much happier. You can teach her that you are both happier while separated. You and your husband staying together will do more harm than good for your daughter. I hope this helps you xx

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