its been almost 10 years since my parents divorced...my dad left my mom for another man...and although having a gay dad took some getting used to...the main problem i had is that when their marriage ended it seemed like their roles as parents ended as well...it was like they both just forgot they had kids...my dad wasnt around a lot and my mom just fell apart...i was 14 and my sister was 8 and from that night on i raised my sister and took care of my mom...i learned how to walk on egg shells around her and keep her happy...because we werent the main focus...i was told by other family that i had to be strong because my mom and my sister needed me...and i wouldnt change my relationship i have with my sister now for anything...but i wish i had more of my childhood back...innocense is the worst thing to lose when its taken at an early age...now i have a friend relationship with my dad and a conversational relationship with my mom but i dont feel like i have actual parents...their divorce had made me a strong person...but it also complicates everything i do...i have a hard time with relationships because i dont want to have to rely on someone else....i dont trust people because i dont wanna get hurt...i have very low self esteem because i never had that parental guidance and encouragement...i know that their marriage ending was a horrible thing for both my parents...but they did have kids and we wished they would have remembered that

well i have to say the only way its affected me is i have a problem with my mum re marrying coz ive had her to mytself fpr so lonmg and in waltz this guy trying to be the dad that 8i dont want or need...hes too late i am 18 anmd im no9t gonna change for him...whether he likes it or not...and i dont see my dad that hurts.

I'm extremely picky about the men I allow into my life. I've never dated or been a serious relationship because of that. Now at 21 years old, I'm finally ready to enter the dating scene and I don't know how to start. I want to find my one and only true love. I know it's the wrong attitude to have. But, I have it because I just want to be hurt. I saw the fights, and situations that my parents got into and I hated it. I don't want that for myself and future children. I'm also very strict with certain things, and it's all based on respect. If my partner can't respect me and my wishes, then maybe we shouldn't be partners. Yes, it's harsh but, my biggest fear is being hurt. I don't want to be with someone if he's only going to want me for looks. I want a emotional connection, and a friendship with someone before other things start happening. I feel like the things that I'm asking for are so old fashioned and I shouldn't feel like that. But, I do and it's because I've seen my parents go through a long, drawn out divorce and a crappy marriage.

it made me to not take people for granted. my dad cheated, that had little efect on me.. but my mom leaving left a great impact on my life. my mom wasnt there for me when i got my period, when i got my first kiss, when i found a great church, when i graduated, when i started college. and thats not all, she missed all the dances i went to, my trips to Chicago and North Carolina. She doesnt know how her leaving me made me closer to God, and she wasnt there when the love of my life dumped me. she wasnt there to comfort me, so i went to others to get comfort. where was she when i yelled at my sisters, when i blamed myself for her leaving, when i feared being pregnant 5 times, and when i took my first pregnancy test.. yeah it was negative, but where was she? She was on the other side of the world, she could have been the person i told all my secrets to, she could have been my best friend. i envy the fights that my friends have with their moms, im so mad when my friends come to me and say "I hate her"... how do u hate the one who risked her life for you? She could have gotten an abortion, she could have made her partner wear a condom, she could have avoided the situation she was in so she wouldnt have you right now to love her and to tell her thank you for raising me to be the person i am today.. Dont TAke the ones you love for granted, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT TIL IT'S GONE..

Well i think the timing and circumstances of divorce will have differnt affects on people. I'm 19, my parents only split up last year, i could tell things hadn't been right for the 2 years leading up to the divorce. People often say it doesn't have an as big an effect when your older, but its shattered my sisters world, she feels as though the whole family is fake. In addition other family members don't bother as much, i think people forget that divorce doesn't just affect the immediate family, extended family is also affected. My parents stick us in the middle, and because were old enough to understnad, play games and bicker about the other half. Its meant that relationships within the family have completely changes, i was never close to my parents, i'm closer to my mum now, but have gone further away from my dad, although he is the one i live with when not at uni, but that is for different reasons in conjunction with the divorce. I think overall it is better that a family can stay together but only if the environment is healthy, and staying together for the sake of the kids and waiting till their older does not stop you from hurting them.

My parents divorced when i was too young to remember but my mother remarried another divorcee with two children from his previous marriage who were a lot older than me and HATED me and my mother right from the start! Things were so difficult growing up - every weekend when my stepbrother and sister came to visit there would be big drama with them refusing to speak to my mother and then another big shouting match when we took them home cos their mother still hated my stepfather... I really feel bad for them now cos their parents' divorce was so messy and pretty much ruined their lives but at the time i was too little to understand, and they made my life miserable too.
When i split up with my daughter's dad, i vowed never to get involved with a man who with kids already, especially not older ones. I would never want to put my child in the same position that i was in: it was horrible.

if has definatley changed my life..i was only in 4th grade when my parents decided to get a divorce. Before that time i used to be soooo close with my mom. i would come to her for advice and just have someone there to talk to. I told her everything. Since then i haven't really been the same almost as if i am depressed everyday. I never go to my mom for advice anymore i barely see her and its hard for me to come out and talk to her about stuff. The only person i can turn to talk to is some of my closest friends. They listen but they dont have enough feedback that will help me with my situation. I really want to be close with my mom again and be able to talk to her about anything again. These past 3 and a half years has been really hard.

I don't really know how to answer this, except to say, I think my life would have been different if my parents would have stayed together. It has motivated me to want to be a better person, a great parent and end up with a guy who is 100% better then my father. I am now a mother of twin girls. The father, my girls and I all live together. I couldn't ask for a better life! He is all I ever wanted in a guy and I don't see my family ever breaking up.

mine just seperated like a month ago..and it was in the works for about three years.
they weren't in love and constantly fought so its weirdly a blessing that they mutually decided to end things..
but being the oldest kid with two younger siblings I have more responsibility than I already had.
which is kind of annoying, but they need my help.
my parents only live 15 minutes apart so I can go wherever whenever.

I'd say yeh it did shape my life - for starters, i ended up becoming a substitute mum to my little sister as my mum was single and worked full time and even though that took its toll sometimes, im so independant now and i see that as a good thing in my life - at the time of the divorce i felt like my dad made me feel guilty... his words were "i'm staying for you" and when he didnt stay and my mum was crying herself to sleep every night i felt like it was my fault - if i'd have been a better daughter, less annoying, nicer and less naughty then he wouldnt have had his affair and my mum wouldnt be upset all the time - so if anyone is going through this now - know that its NOT your fault and if its you divorcing and you have kids make sure you TELL them all the time that its NOT their fault at all and that you love them!! I havent seen my dad for 10 years by my own choice, and i don't feel like i have missed out on anything in life from not having him there!! if anything my lifes been better without him! There were nasty divorce issues - my dad essentially kidnapping my sister, my dad's sister threatening my mum, my dad's family trying to turn my mum against me etc but im stronger for it and i got over it with time! x

My parents separated & divorced after 25 years of marriage, as soon as my brother & I were both off to college. It was a very bitter, angry process & fallout. My parents ran their own business and homeschooled us for several years, so homelife was everything and we were quite sheltered and emotionally dependent even as late teens. I had been encouraged all my life to think I'd inherit the family business and land near my parents to build a home, so had never considered preparing myself for another career or lifestyle. Both the family homestead and summer camp that had been home to us kids were sold. My parents moved to opposite ends of the country and were angry/bitter about each other forever afterwards. For over ten years after they split up, I could not talk to or visit one parent without them lapsing into a tirade about the other one.

It really screwed me up (& I know my brother too). It took me years to realize that my Mom had really managed to turn us kids against my Dad and then basically dumped us because of her own problems. I'm reconciled with her now, but will never recover the trust and close relationship that I had with her when I was younger. Although my father kept in touch and offered unconditional love and support, I was too warped by my Mom and the divorce fallout to ever be able to recover a close relationship with him either.

Other effects on me: I became clinically depressed and dropped out of college. I was devastated with emotional baggage and trust/control/ security issues that haunted me for most of my adult life.

Earlier this year, my husband walked out on me and our daughter. In addition to my personal feelings about him and the end of our marriage, I've been horribly guilt ridden and anxious about putting my daughter through the kind of damaging ordeal I went through.

All I can say is that I've vowed never to badmouth her Dad to her, even if he deserves it. I'm striving to forgive him myself and encourage visits and the best relationship possible for her with him. I'm doing my best to provide the most stable home life and security for her to fall back on.

I did learn from my parents mistakes and while I could not prevent the end of my marriage...I'm doing my best to keep our divorce from inflicting that type of damage on my daughter.

Dee

hmp thats an easy one...my international sperm donar(jeffery) divorced my mom when i was born...i got to see him from time to time so i didnt mind but as i watched my mom date i started to realise the truth about human nature...i vowed to never hit a woman or raise my voice to someone who didnt do it first without good reason...when i was six my dad vanished only to tell me ten years later its cause he thought he wasnt worthy to be my dad...i then vowed to never leave my child no matter wht happened...i now have a big temper but only toward those who can push me over my limits(noone people do try alot) he helped me become a better person cause i look at his memory when people tell me i cant do something and i think"i lived woth out you...i can do this" i guess im bitter :)

I am a child of divorced parents. I have definatly learned from my parents mistakes, or am learning from them. I have learned to look at BOTH sides of the story and not to jump to conclusions right away. Overall I think it has made me a stronger person...having to deal with them fight, putting their disagreements on me and what not...I have become more mature and independent. I have had to learn to take take of myself...the battle for peace between them is far from over. It is hard, but 'What doesnt kill you only makes you stronger.'

That everyone in my family hates me. Dad doesnt care and Mom is to envolved with her bfs to notice or care.

I am a adult whos parents divorced after 44 years of marriage.
I remember my dad calling me and telling me he was leaving my mom and filing for divorce.
Her I am 43 yrs old at the time and I cried like a baby.
I am the oldest of 5 kids, and family has always meant so much to me. Growing up my parents always told us how much we were loved and how to always stand by one another.
I remember thinking this hit me the hardest of all us kids.
Holidays are the worst. I think in the last 7 years I have got to spend 1 Christmas with my Dad.
Each of my parents have significant others and so we have to share so many different ways. None of us have been together as a family since this has happened. Even as adults it divides the family, nothing ever is the same really.My love for them has not changed but our relationships have.
Am I the only big baby in this?