Wow. Your story is similar to what my son has gone through and continues to go through with his dad. How old is your son? Exactly what did you do that was in violation of the court order? How long has your son had visitation with his dad? It sounds like you should not be attempting any overnights until the therapist recommends this. How often does your son see his therapist? Is the therapist court ordered? What does the therapist say about your son's fear and resistance with his dad? Don't be afraid of threats of going to court. I'm concerned for your son's well being. It is true that in many situations, a child may resist going with a parent and then the longer they are there, they transition and do better. I'm not sure about your situation though. Some details are not clear. I'm also wondering what do you say to your son about all of this and how your son is feeling? This is important too. What was said to your son after that difficult overnight and he punched your sister out of anger from not being picked up? What was said to him? You said he was a mess the next day, how was this dealt with in terms of emotionally supporting your son and helping him deal with the aftermath? You and all of your family members can make a big difference for your son. (I'm sure you already are) It may not change his fear and refusal with going to his dad's but it will help him to have you be the calm supportive parent that is doing everything you can to protect him. Do you feel your son is in any danger? Do you think your son is being verbally and emotionally abused? Has your son always feared his dad? Have there ever been any incidents between them? If not, and you and the child's therapist don't believe the child is being abused or harmed in any way, support your son's relationship with his dad but keep your child in therapy!! And finally, please do this and take this seriously, Document everything!!!!!! I mean every single detail. I wish you and your son the very best.

I wish u would've given more detail as to why ur son is scared, seems to me petrified would be a better term, to go to his dads. There has to be a reason for his fear. The threats cause u left are nothing but wasted air. U did ur part and gave him the visitation. I dont understand why u allow ur son overnights though without the therapists ok? If ur son is that scared, I would go file papers for a revision of visitation and ask they be supervised. U need to have a calm heart to heart with ur son and tell him he has done nothing wrong but u need to no if something has happened that makes him fear his dad to this degree. Theres something really wrong going on, and u may be the one ur son will tell, not the therapist. Maybe u should even contact ur local CPS office, let them know the situation. Police wont get involved unless physical harm is done in most cases. But CPS will look for signs of mental or emotional abuse, and ask one to accompany u for a drop off and watch ur childs reaction. A CPS worker can go directly to the court and have it immediately reviewed by a judge if they deem something is seriously disturbing of ur sons behavior when it involves dad. Start by asking ur son what the one thing he hates most about goin, then contact CPS in person to tell them everything and ur concerned for ur son. If no one will help then get as many witnesses as possible to contact CPS as well and give voice their own concerns. DO SOMETHING and I mean no offense when I say, never force ur son to go somewhere when he is doin sooo very much to get ur attention and let u no how much he needs u to keep him. I would take a contempt charge for not following court orders ne day as its a way to get in front of the judge and explain why u feel as u do and act as u do for the safety of ur child. Please contact someone, or ur son may resent u for not stopping whatever it is that he is so afraid of.

Paloma - Thanks for your input! My son is 5, almost 6. Apparently, the violation is that he is not getting the visitation as expressed in the decree, and I am also "injuring the relationship" between him and his son. He's had visitation since the divorce in October, but he's not enforced it until two weeks ago. We have a caveat in it that says overnights will not commence until such is recommended by my son's therapist, and that we put forth reasonable efforts to work toward these; neither has happened. Since the divorce, he's stayed overnight with his dad maybe three times, and now he wants an all-weekend deal? How awkward is that for this kid? And weekends he is supposed to have him, sometimes he'll take him a few hours, and sometimes not at all. So this is a huge adjustment for the little guy.

My son sees the therapist once a week, and it is not court-ordered. In fact, he's been seeing this therapist since last summer because he was threatening to kill himself and his father. The therapist is a little wishy-washy in all of this... I am a little frustrated with that. My son can't express why he is scared of his dad, except for a few incidents that happened last summer, but nothing that has continued since then, so she really can't make a case of anything. He does tell her each time he goes that he is scared of his dad, but because he doesn't have anything to back that up, she can't do anything.

Thanks to your post, and others, I am not afraid of court. Yes, I have said some disparaging things to his father, but out of anger and defense for what he has said to me first. And rarely in front of our son. So I don't feel guilty for it, although it's taken me all weekend to feel that way, and I am not sure I will feel the same tomorrow. I have tried so hard to say nice things about his dad, when I actually don't feel that way, and I am getting tired of it. I am worn out. I don't like who he is, and I don't like that I have to pretend that I do. I have been so encouraging of visitations and so positive when they do go well, and demanding at times, too, because I have things to do. But no matter what, my son does not want to go with his dad. He begs, he throws tantrums, he silently cries... it is heartbreaking!

The last overnight he had with his dad, he was very on edge the following day. He said his dad is a liar, he promised he could come home that night, and he didn't let him. To this day, he still brings that up. When I referred to him as "a mess", he was very anxious, untrusting, sort of lost, I guess. Didn't know what to do with himself, was frustrated by the littlest things, had difficulty sleeping. Didn't enjoy himself at all. He kept bringing it up that we didn't come get him. That his dad was a liar. We cuddled him, spoke softly, redirected when we could... it was a difficult day for everyone, but we made him feel safe.

I don't think my ex is abusive to our son, although I can't be positively sure. He was emotionally and verbally abusive to me, which my son was a witness and why I think to this day doesn't like or trust his dad, and I think my ex's personality is just one to not care about anybody but himself. I can probably say he has feared his dad most of his life; his dad drank a lot and was mean to me, so I guess that is hard for a child to watch.

There have been a couple of incidents between them, this past summer, when 1) my ex held our son's head under the water in the bathtub for spitting water on him, and 2) early on during visitation, my son didn't want to go with his dad, so his dad literally ripped him from the car, put him in his own car, with our son only jumping out the other side and dashing across the parking lot. Neither of these have been forgotten by our son.

I have tried to support their relationship, but I must say I am done. I just can't keep up this facade anymore, especially after this weekend. And yes, I am documenting everything; I've been journaling on here for three years with things he's done. Maybe not everything, but enough to make a picture of who he is and what he's done. He's done so much, it's hard to journal it all!

Thanks for your well wishes. And thanks for listening, and offering advice. If you want to share your situation with me, I'd enjoy listening as well!

Melrock - Thanks for your input as well! We don't know why my son is so scared; he can't express it. There have been a couple of incidents with his dad, but nothing recent. So I wish we knew!

The therapist really hasn't said one way or another that overnights are NOT okay. She said about this past weekend, "you can try it". I almost think she knew this would happen and just needed it to happen to move to the next step. We'll see this week when my son sees her. The problem is, he says he is scared, but has nothing to back it up with.

I've contacted my attorney to see what my options are with what has happened this past weekend. I made sure I stayed in a very public place when all of this occurred so that it could be witnessed if necessary. I'm also planning to contact DHS to see if they can help in any way. I really didn't think the exchange on Friday would be this bad, so I didn't do research up front; that's something I'd change if I could!

I have explained to my little guy this is not his fault, that whatever he is feeling is true, and to not let it go. I have told him we need to look deeper inside him to see what it is, why he won't go with his dad, what he is scared of. I explained this is not something that is expected right away, that it will take time to figure out. He needs to work with his therapist to find out what it is, and no one is expecting him to figure it out right away.

Thanks again for your input. It's put my mind more at ease.

If ur son cant talk to the therapist after seeing her this long, then he may feel he can open up to her. So u may ask ur son if he would like to try and see someone else. I have learned thru my oldest one, who had issues with his dad and still does at times, that if they dont feel comfortable talkin then they clam up. And so finally I found someone he would talk to, someone he felt comfortable with. I couldnt afford a therapist, and Im glad I didnt go that route. He would open up to me of course, but me saying something doesnt have as much leverage as it does coming from someone else. So I really dont no what u could do other than the things u have been doing, except that I would file for an emergency hearing. Before u do this though, tell ur son what ur doing and that ur doing it because he is afraid to be with his dad, and see if he himself would like to speak with the judge. My son is wanting to tell the judge HIMSELF about all the lies he is telling in court. So I told my son that even though I didnt want him to see that side of things, he may write a letter I will give the judge on the 28th and will inform the judge on that date that court dates from then on, my son will be present in the courtroom. I figure that the court is concerning him in the first place so if he wants to have a chance to speak, then he should be given that opportunity. So maybe if u file the paperwork and ur son wants to talk to the judge and tell the judge why he dont want to see his dad when it comes to the overnights, the judge just may be more apt to listen to the childs fears himself. And u never no, he may open up to the judge more than u or his therapist. I truely hope u get this at least some way resolved. And as for pretending to like the father, for years I would cover up the crap for my ex to make him look like a good guy for our son, then one day I had had enough. And I told my son what I thought about his dad and why I thought that way. So maybe if u express to ur son why u feel like u do, and in a way ur kinda lying to ur son by hiding ur own feelings, then he will open up to u about his. Its a two way street I learned that hard way and sooo wish I had done it alot sooner.

Im sorry that you are experiencing this...I too just recently had the same experience with my 14 month daughter and she is visiting her father out-of-state. I completely understand and have / AM experiencing the same emotions..Im here if ya need me :)

I think you should video your son's behavior when he has to go to his dad's. I'd stick with the therapist when she said don't do it until further work is done, and it is on your X to do that work. Also, I think I'd look for a better therapist.
I don't see how it benefits your son to paint your X in a good light. He will either know you are lying or it will create a dissonance in him based on what he feels. You don't need to badmouth him either - he'
s got that covered. I would refrain from talking to him, unless you are recording, and try to keep everything on a written basis in case he lies about it in court later.
You can get one of those stuffed bears with a car=mera inside and tell your son to speak to the bear and tell the bear how he feels about visiting his dad. Or get a neutral third party to do it.
How old is he? I somehow thought you said he was 7, but don't see that in your post.

unfortunately we're going thu the same thing with our 4 yo son. However when my son briefly lived with me (dad) and visited mom on weekend he had no issues and now that he lives with mom and we're in the court systems, she's getting restraining orders everyday to avoid abiding by the court ordered visitation, the kid is scared because of her eroneous behavior infront of him. Very unfortunagte. I'm thinking to to continue to pay the child support and medical coverage and someday my son will come see me on his own. Too much emotional stress on the kid alone.

do you have a child lawyer?